200+ Best Humor Quotes And Sayings

A sense of humor is one of the most important things in life. Whether you’re having a bad day or just need some light-hearted levity, here are some of the best funny quotes to get you out of any situation.

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration...
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A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment. Jane Austen
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What's this?" he demanded, looking from Clary to his companions, as if they might know what she was doing there." It's a girl, " Jace said, recovering his composure. "Surely you've seen girls before, Alec. Your sister Isabelle is one. Cassandra Clare
Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For...
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Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee. J.r. Ward
I'm saying that I'm a moody, insecure, narrow-minded, jealous, borderline...
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I'm saying that I'm a moody, insecure, narrow-minded, jealous, borderline homicidal bitch, and I want you to promise me that you're okay with that, because it's who I am, and you're what I need. Jeaniene Frost
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like...
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Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. Charles M. Schulz
If you love something set it free, but don't be...
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If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes. Chuck Palahniuk
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If you want some advice–which I'm sure you don't–you guys should lay off on the magic. Christian still thinks you're moving in on Lissa.""What?" he asked in mock astonishment. "Doesn't he know my heart belongs to you?"" It does not. And no, he's still worried about it, despite what I've told him."" You know, I bet if we started making out right now, it would make him feel better."" If you touch me, " I said pleasantly, "I'll provide you with the opportunity to see if you can heal yourself. Then we'd see how badass you really are. Richelle Mead
The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but...
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The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number. P.g. Wodehouse
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Who knows how to make love stay?1. Tell love you are going to Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if loves stays, it can have half. It will stay.2. Tell love you want a momento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a moustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.3. Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning. Tom Robbins
One should always be in love. That's the reason one...
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One should always be in love. That's the reason one should never marry. Oscar Wilde
Ronan said,
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Ronan said, "I'm always straight." Adam replied "Oh, man, that's the biggest lie you've ever told. Maggie Stiefvater
I don't like it when I outweigh my men.
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I don't like it when I outweigh my men. Patricia Briggs
If somebody says 'I love you' to me, I feel...
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If somebody says 'I love you' to me, I feel as though I had a pistol pointed at my head. What can anybody reply under such conditions but that which the pistol holder requires? 'I love you, too'. Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
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Would you mind repeating that? I'm afraid I might have lost my wits altogether and just hallucinated what I've longed to hear. Jeaniene Frost
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Were you always such a stubborn, blind, obtuse girl?”“ Are you calling me stupid?”“ Yes, but in a more poetic way! ”“ Well, here’s a poem for you. Get lost! Colleen Houck
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And yet another moral occurs to me now: Make love when you can. It's good for you. Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
How could I be sleeping with this particular man.... Surely...
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How could I be sleeping with this particular man.... Surely only true love could justify my lack of taste. Margaret Atwood
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then...
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Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. Matt Groening
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I had fun last night, " I told Patch, flicking off my chin strap and handing over my helmet. "I'm officially in love with your sheets." "That the only thing you're in love with?"" Nope. Your mattress, too." Some smile crept into Patch's eyes. "My bed's an open invitation. Becca Fitzpatrick
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I really don't see anything romantic in proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I believe. Then the excitement is all over. The very essence of romance is uncertainty. If ever I get married, I'll certainly try to forget the fact. Oscar Wilde