100 Quotes About Sarcasm

Simon: So were you following me? Or is it just an amazing coincidence that you happened to be on the roof of a building I was walking by when I got attacked? Jace: I was following you. Simon: Is this the part where you tell me you're secretly in love with me? Cassandra Clare

Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?""Yes, " said Harry stiffly." Yes, sir."" There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying. J.k. Rowling

Malachi scowled. "I don't remember the Clave inviting you into the Glass City, Magnus Bane.""They didn't, " Magnus said. "Your wards are down."" Really?" the Consul's voice dripped sarcasm. "I hadn't noticed." Magnus looked concerned. "That's terrible. Someone should have told you." He glanced at Luke. "Tell him the wards are down. Cassandra Clare

Why were you lurking under our window?"" Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?"" Listening to the news, " said Harry in a resigned voice. His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage." Listening to the news! Again?""Well, it changes every day, you see, " said Harry. J.k. Rowling

I don't want tea, " said Clary, with muffled force. "I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them."" Unfortunately, " said Hodge, "we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing. Cassandra Clare

Sebastian just smiled. “I could hear your heart beating, ” he said softly. “When you were watching me with Valentine. Did it bother you?”“ That you seem to be dating my dad?” Jace shrugged. "You’re a little young for him, to be honest.”“ What?” For the first time since Jace had met him, Sebastian seemed flabbergasted. Cassandra Clare

It’s fascinating. You know all these words, and they’re all English, but when you string them together into sentences, they just don’t make any sense. Cassandra Clare

By the Angel, " Jace said, looking the demon up and down. "I knew Greater Demons were meant to be ugly, but no one ever warned me about the smell." Abbadon opened its mouth and hissed. Inside its mouth were two rows of jagged glass-sharp teeth." I'm not sure about this wind and howling darkness business, " Jace went on, "smells more like landfill to me. You sure you're not from Staten Island? Cassandra Clare

I turned to Dionysus. "You cured him?"" Madness is my specialty. It was quite simple."" But...you did something nice. Why?"He raised and eyebrow. "I am nice! I simple ooze niceness, Perry Johansson. Haven't you noticed? Rick Riordan

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs. Oliver Goldsmith

You are your mother's trueborn son of Lannister.""Am I?" the dwarf replied, sardonic. "Do tell my lord father. My mother died birthing me, and he's never been sure."" I don't even know who my mother was, " Jon said. "Some woman, no doubt. Most of them are." He favored Jon with a rueful grin. "Remember this, boy. All dwarfs may be bastards, yet not all bastards need be dwarfs." And with that he turned and sauntered back into the feast, whistling a tune. When he opened the door, the light from within threw his shadow clear across the yard, and for just a moment Tyrion Lannister stood tall as a king. George R.r. Martin

It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what.", The Guardian, 5 June 2005] Stephen Fry

It’s sarcasm, Josh.”“Sarcasm?”“It’s from the Greek, sarkasmos. To bite the lips. It means that you aren’t really saying what you mean, but people will get your point. I invented it, Bartholomew named it.”“ Well, if the village idiot named it, I’m sure it’s a good thing.”“ There you go, you got it.”“ Got what?”“ Sarcasm.”“ No, I meant it.”“ Sure you did.”“ Is that sarcasm?”“ Irony, I think.”“ What’s the difference?”“ I haven’t the slightest idea.”“ So you’re being ironic now, right?”“ No, I really don’t know.”“ Maybe you should ask the idiot.”“ Now you’ve got it.”“ What?”“ Sarcasm. . Christopher Moore

If you say ‘we’re in this together, ’ I’m going to hurl. Kelley Armstrong

Yes. Reyn is our resident horse master. He has an excellent seat." I grinned. "I've noticed." Reyn's face tightened and Nell flushed, looking embarrassed. "It's an equestrian term."" Really? I thought you were talking about his ass. Cate Tiernan

Can you enter a house uninvited?"" No."" Why?"" That would be rude. Abigail Gibbs

Katniss: 'What about you? Ive seen you in the market. You can lift hundred pound bags of flour'. I snap at him Tell him that. Thats not nothing. Peeta: Yes and Im sure the arena will be full of bags of flour for me to chuck at people. Suzanne Collins

Yes, we'll yell, 'Help, help us, goose girl, and bring the terrifying legion of warrior geese'. Shannon Hale

How long have you been with Raphael?”“You ask a lot of questions for a dead woman.”“ What can I say? I prefer to die well-informed.”- Venom and Elena Nalini Singh

I'm telling you, you really should stick to mating within your species, whatever that is.'' I would, ' I said, 'but unfortunately, there are no gorgeous, all-powerful, all-knowing gods around here. I'd even settle for a demigod. It's a step down, I know. But alas, there are nothing but low-brained mortals here. And half-brains, like you. Kristin Walker

What is your advice to young writers?” “Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes. Charles Bukowski

Then why are you here?” Emma demanded. “Oh, is this one of those missed-connections things? We met the other night, you felt a spark? Sorry, but I don’t date trees.”“ I am not a tree.” Iarlath looked angry, his bark peeling slightly. Cassandra Clare

Amy, Dan, and Nellie were sitting at a table in a conference room, examining reproductions of Franklin documents-some so rare, the librarians told her, the only copies existed in Paris. "Yeah, here's a rare grocery list, " Dan muttered. "Wow. Rick Riordan

How are you feeling?" I leaned away from him. "Gross."Aiden frowned. "Gross?""I haven't brushed my teeth or washed my face in days. Don't come near me." He laughed. "Alex, come on."" Seriously, I'm gross." I put my hand over my mouth. Ignoring my protests, he leaned over and brushed my string hair back. "You're as beautiful as always, Alex."I stared at him. He must not get out much. Jennifer L. Armentrout

Should I pull on a shirt?" he asked with hint of amusement. I WILL NOT BLUSH. "No." He'd be doing the world a favor if he never wore a shirt again, but I wasn't going to tell him that part. "You're fine. Gena Showalter

Why can't these American women stay in their own country? They are always telling us that it is the paradise for women. It is. That is the reason why, like Eve, they are so excessively anxious to get out of it. Oscar Wilde

I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death. Alan Bradley

If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead. Jess C. Scott

Not that I knew who you were until last month. But now that I've got you, I'm not letting you go."" You're not?" Blake stared at her in irritated confusion. What was her game? "Do you think I'm an idiot?" he spat out." No, " she said. "I've just escaped from a den of idiots, so I'm well familiar with the breed, and you're something else entirely. I am, however, hoping you're not a terribly good shot. Julia Quinn

You’re supposed to pinch yourself — not the one you’re dreaming about. Nicki Elson

Hey, ” he said. “Hi.” Oh, damn. It was awkward.“ What’re you doing?”“ Shearing a sheep. It’s cold outside, and I need a new hat.” He paused. “You’re joking, right?”“ Yes, Marshall.” I gnawed on my fingers some more and sunk back in my chair. Chanelle Gray

I thought about suicide all the time, but it seemed toomuch effort, swallowing all those pills or jumping off things. If I'd lived out in the country I would have found a quiet stretch of railway track, and lain on it, fallen asleep, so that I would never have known when my last moment came. In London, the minimum tube fare had gone up so much that even to get near the line cost a fortune. Suicide seemed an extravagance I couldn't afford. People never leave you alone, either; I knew that if I'd tried to lie down on the line, any number of commuters would have pulled me off again, so that I didn't delay their train. There must have been murderers out there who wanted to kill, with no way of finding those who wanted to be dead. If there had been some way of contacting them, a date-with-death line, I would have called them to set up a meeting. The current ways of death seemed too haphazard; it was all left up to chance. Had Chance come up, tapped me on the shoulder, said "Oi, you - long black tunnel, white light, off you go, " I wouldn't have complained. It was like having frostbite all over - feeling numb and in pain at the same time. . Helena Dela

The over-weight and out of shape guy who owned the house had apparently decided that having a half-million dollar house meant that he couldn’t afford to hire someone to clean out his gutters. Now he was dead with what looked to me like a broken neck after the ladder had slipped. He’d taken the plunge into his fancy landscaping–complete with rock garden. But hey, his fucking gutters were clean. . Diana Rowland

I need to ask, are you afraid of spiders?" Nicholas blinked, suddenly caught off guard, "Yes, I'm afraid of spiders."" Were you always?"" What are you, a psychiatrist?" Pritam took a breath. He could feel Laine's eyes on him, appraising his line of questioning." Is it possible that the trauma of losing your best friend as a child and the trauma of losing your wife as an adult and the trauma of seeing Laine's husband take his life in front of you just recently.." Pritam shrugged and raised his palms, "You see where I'm going?" Nicholas looked at Laine. She watched back. Her gray eyes missed nothing." Sure, " agreed Nicholas, standing. "And my sister's nuts, too, and we both like imagining that little white dogs are big nasty spiders because our daddy died and we never got enough cuddles."" Your father died?" asked Laine. "When?""Who cares?" Pritam sighed. "You must see this from our point of - ""I'd love to! " snapped Nicholas. "I'd love to see it from your point of view, because mine is not that much fun! It's insane! It's insane that I see dead people, Pritam! It's insane that this, " he flicked out the sardonyx necklace, "stopped me from kidnapping a little girl! "" That's what you believe, " Pritam said carefully." That's what I fucking believe! " Nicholas stabbed his finger through the air at the dead bird talisman lying slack on the coffee table. Stephen M. Irwin

I have a theory that as human beings get older, chemicals are released into the brain to prepare us for the end. Sort of like how the nurse lubes your ass up before the anus-cam. It makes the whole thing a lot easier to swallow. Easier, not enjoyable. Kris DAgostino

Repeat a lie a thousand times and it become a successful political campaign. Ljupka Cvetanova

I have church on Sunday.”“Of course you do.”“ You’re welcome to come along.”“ Thanks, but I’m allergic to incense.”“ That’s a shame.”“ It’s the bane of my existence.”- Beth and Jake Alexandra Adornetto

She was heartily ashamed of her ignorance - a misplaced shame. Where people wish to attach, they should always be ignorant. To come with a well−informed mind is to come with an inability of administering to the vanity of others, which a sensible person would always wish to avoid. A woman especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. Jane Austen

...even though I was getting better education at home than any of the kids in Toyah, I'd need to go to finishing school when I was thirteen, both to acquire social graces and to earn a diploma. Because in this world, Dad said, it's not enough to have a fine education. You need a piece of paper to prove you go it. Jeannette Walls

For me, all those systematic Bureaucracies of traditional schools jaded me. For me, I still couldn’t understand why we have to have a factory style education for children living in the 21st century. Why hold them in place, asking them to read and repeat and giving them a number of tasks to finish? I still have no idea how exams and objective assessments could measure human behavior or intelligence. Is it some kind of barcoding human aptitude? Is it ethical anyway?. Neda Aria

Past misdeeds must only serve as a reference point in calm conversation about lessons learned or actions that taught us to behave better. They should never be bantered about with sarcasm, anger, or nastiness. Cathy Burnham Martin

Politics to me was the whining of an old braggart too proud to admit his faults and too vain to try something new. All of their agendas and manifestos were nothing but a lucrative offer to deceive the fools and encourage the clever in deceiving more fools. Adhish Mazumder

I discovered that politics is not entirely about agendas and manifestos of some old, sullen creep promising a better future of the country as a whole. Politics is being played everywhere and it starts from the very bedroom that you consider your safe haven. Adhish Mazumder

What did Isabelle want?" Jace asked. Alec hesitated. "Isabelle says the Queen of the Seelie Court has requested an audience with us."" Sure, " said Magnus. "And Madonna wants me as a backup dancer on her next world tour." Alec looked puzzled. "Who's Madonna?""Who's the Queen of the Seelie Court?" said Clary."She is the Queen of Faerie, " said Magnus. "Well, the local one, anyway." Jace put his head in his hands. "Tell Isabelle no."" But she thinks it's a good idea, " Alec protested." Then tell her no twice. . Cassandra Clare

Are you suggesting I’m working with thezombies? That I paid them to pretend toattack me so that I’d trick you into letting me join you?”“ Did you?” Mr. Holland demanded.“ Yeah, okay, ” I said in a sugar-sweet tone. “You’re right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steaks, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn’t tell. In exchange I asked him to gather hisbest undead buddies and stalk me throughmy friend’s yard. And oh, yeah, it wastotally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night dinner buffet, because having organs is so last season. Gena Showalter

You've read half the books in this house? This whole house?" "Well, approximately half." Sticky said. "To be more accurate, I suppose I've read more like" - his eyes went up as he calculated - "three sevenths? Yes, three sevenths." "Only three sevenths?" said Kate, pretending to look disappointed. "And here I was prepared to be impressed. Trenton Lee Stewart