1
Actively repeating a lie or denial does not make it true.Cathy Burnham Martin
2
Extra-marital affairs become things of legend… and often the undoing of legends… and mere mortals.Cathy Burnham Martin
3
Cheating is pure hypocrisy. Our partner deserves better than that. If we don’t love someone, we should not be with them. That would also be hypocrisy.Cathy Burnham Martin
4
Screaming and repeating lies makes them neither true nor more believable.Cathy Burnham Martin
5
There is tremendous trauma in the betrayal caused by a perpetual liar as they repeatedly commit psychological abuse.Cathy Burnham Martin
6
Direct lies, small lies, huge lies, and lies of omission… these are all self-serving and sources of self-destruction.Cathy Burnham Martin
7
Most single people are sick of married people presenting themselves as both available and interested, when indeed they are merely “playing.” Oh, yeah… and cheating. Gee, that is attractive. Not! Others could not care less what someone’s marital status might be.Cathy Burnham Martin
8
We never want to be taken for granted, but our partners should be able to expect our honest loyalty. That is a powerfully strong foundation block for a relationship. I want to meet the greatest expectations, without being the greatest fraud.Cathy Burnham Martin
9
In truth, if it isn’t to save your life when it’s in imminent danger, someone yelling at you is just plain wrong. The same is true for ranting or bitching. The same goes double for anything even close to manhandling.Cathy Burnham Martin
10
If a man or a woman starts “expecting” sex, then it is no longer special, and a lover will likely start to feel used.Cathy Burnham Martin
11
When we make the decisions to be and stay in love, we should also make a decision and commitment to be supportive.Cathy Burnham Martin
12
If we are sharing challenges and concerns, laughter and life stories, dreams and dramas with someone other than our mate, we are making precious, intimate connections with someone other than our mate. We need to keep not only physical, but emotional and intellectual connections strong and active with our beloved.Cathy Burnham Martin
13
We would not want the joy of physical and sexual intimacy to fade after years together. We need to also remember to keep our intellectual and emotional intimacy every bit as sacred.Cathy Burnham Martin
14
Should we “expect” our physical, sexual, intellectual, and emotional intimacies to automatically continue throughout a marriage? Nope. At least, not in my opinion. But I do think we should be able to expect both partners to protect and preserve the sanctity of these intimacies. That, to me, is part of honest loyalty.Cathy Burnham Martin
15
Some people think that it’s okay to be downright nasty to people they love. It is not okay. Nasty is never called for, and it’s certainly not sweet, useful, nor positive.Cathy Burnham Martin
16
Past misdeeds must only serve as a reference point in calm conversation about lessons learned or actions that taught us to behave better. They should never be bantered about with sarcasm, anger, or nastiness.Cathy Burnham Martin
17
Appreciation and respect are mutual needs. We may be wired differently as men and women, but some needs are parallel human needs.Cathy Burnham Martin
18
It takes a strong woman to tolerate a weak man. That said, it takes a strong man to tolerate a weak woman, too.Cathy Burnham Martin
19
I think we need to develop a powerful dose of tolerance to understand each other’s humanness. None of us is perfect.Cathy Burnham Martin
20
Without trust, our relationships lack an essential ingredient for emotional intimacy. We need to be able to totally trust our partner with our deepest thoughts, dreams, fears, and secrets.Cathy Burnham Martin
21
It matters little which party has gotten lazy about delivering what their partner craves. It doesn’t take too many days or weeks for an unsatisfied partner to start to feel love-starved and sadly unfulfilled. If you want great sex in the bedroom, show love to each other outside the bedroom.Cathy Burnham Martin
22
Sexy is a decision. We decide that our spouse looks sexy to us. Period. It doesn’t matter our age or how long we’ve been together.Cathy Burnham Martin
23
Some people believe that if they yell and scream, others will get the point of just how serious they are. For me, all I get is the point of just how out of control that someone is.Cathy Burnham Martin
24
If someone yells at me, they are not expressing love. They may be threatening me. They may be expressing great frustration with me. They may simply be trying to control my behavior. However, they are not communicating love.Cathy Burnham Martin
25
When we resort to screaming at someone, we are revealing weakness and a sense of helplessness. If we can’t seem to get our message or feelings across any other way, then we get angry, and we get loud!Cathy Burnham Martin
26
Irritatingly angry people have no sense of humor when wearing their “angry pants.Cathy Burnham Martin
27
When it comes to people… you could aptly say that I am a racist… a human racist. I believe in people. There are good and not-so-good people of all colors and creeds. I’m not here to judge. Period. As people, we draw judgments from others when we behave badly, especially when we try to blame our bad behavior on others. This is not based on race, age, sex, or religion. It’s based on behavior differences.Cathy Burnham Martin
28
Liars are highly unlikely to admit their lies, never mind apologize for the hurt they’ve caused. Liars don’t genuinely apologize. Deceit has become their full-out lifestyle. They are centered on themselves with no thoughts of the consequences of their lies. In cowardly style, they tell more lies to try and cover their tracks. They are not good at admitting they actually have shortcomings.Cathy Burnham Martin
29
I can only imagine that future generations will consider us to have been barbaric for our intolerance of differences.Cathy Burnham Martin
30
Unconditional love takes a strong and deliberate evolution. Unconditional love is way beyond emotional involvement. This is loving the person inside the person… loving their very soul.Cathy Burnham Martin
31
We may repeatedly try to get our need for sex or our need for communication met by our partner. If our attempts are met with rejection over and over again, we may eventually stop asking. We tend to give up rather than keep setting ourselves up for regular rejection.Cathy Burnham Martin
32
It matters not which partner is bringing negativity into conversations and exchanges. Toxicity has no place at all between people who have promised to love each other.Cathy Burnham Martin
33
We could choose to celebrate our differences, rather than over-analyze them. This might help us become more realistic about the generalizations to which we subscribe. For example, consider this. If women are the overemotional ones, why do so many bar fights break out between men? Such brawls do not spring from logical, calm places.Cathy Burnham Martin
34
Trust means that they will never throw our pain and vulnerabilities in our face. Trust means we know they will protect us and our innermost thoughts and shared feelings without question.Cathy Burnham Martin
35
Societies that have condoned male cheating and condemned female cheating are simply male-dominated cultures. Cheating is cheating, no matter who is doing it. It’s wrong.Cathy Burnham Martin
36
Apologies require taking full responsibility. No half-truths, no partial admissions, no rationalizations, no finger pointing, and no justifications belong in any apology.Cathy Burnham Martin
37
We will remember the hurt, the injustice, and the trauma, but we can forgive the sinner.Cathy Burnham Martin
38
If there were past misdeeds, I do not believe we should nag or repeat them, never mind throw them in someone’s face. If they sincerely apologized and we genuinely forgave them, we must move on. Learn from mistakes, but move on. If we bring them up and toss them at the offender, we may not have actually forgiven them, even if we claim we have.Cathy Burnham Martin
39
I am a great believer in not pushing each other’s “buttons” just because we know where they are! That’s part of trusting each other. We need to trust that our vulnerabilities and challenges are safe with the person we love.Cathy Burnham Martin
40
No one else “makes” us do anything. They can’t make us nag them, or make us angry, or make us have to strike out at them, or make us drink alcohol, or make us yell at them, or anything else. We are responsible for our choices, including our responses and reactions.Cathy Burnham Martin
41
We are imperfect humans and are bound to need attitude adjustments from time to time.Cathy Burnham Martin
42
No one needs to be around someone who dulls the shine on a brand new penny.Cathy Burnham Martin
43
Whether we know it or choose to admit it, we are either an Encourager or a Discourager. We each make a choice as to which type we will be… every day. Discouragers bring “stresspools.”I call any of those places that add unnecessary stress and aggravation “stresspools.” They are just as stinky and rotten as cesspools, but “stresspools” wreak of tension, strain, anxiety, worry, hassle, pressure, and emotional trauma.Cathy Burnham Martin
44
Life belongs to optimists. Pessimists are just viewers. Making it real, starts with our attitude.Cathy Burnham Martin
45
Skip the urge to respond to a road rage invitation. I find that my days are far more smooth and pleasant when I don’t give someone the leverage to annoy or stress me. Just smile, giggle to yourself, or wave “hi” with a wag of your pinky finger, if you must. But then the incident is over, and no stress or annoyance remains, at least not in my car. The self-centered driver has the negative attitude. Don’t let someone else’s poor behavior choices become contagious.Cathy Burnham Martin
46
It’s amazing how many cheaters and liars believe they won’t be caught. News Flash: In today’s age of technology, there won’t just be a paper trail. There will be multiple electronic and digital trails, as well.Cathy Burnham Martin