1
She turned to look at him, and he was already looking at her. “I’m going to miss you when I wake up, ” she whispered, because she realized that she must have fallen asleep under the sun. Arin was too real for her imagination. He was a dream.“ Don’t wake up, ” he said.Marie Rutkoski
2
She’d felt it before, she felt it now: the pull to fall in with him, to fall into him, to lose her sense of self.Marie Rutkoski
3
An emotion clamped down on her heart. It squeezed her into a terrible silence. But he said nothing after that, only her name, as if her name were not a name but a question. Or perhaps that it wasn’t how he had said it, and she was wrong, and she’d heard a question simply because the sound of him speaking her name made her wish that she were his answer.Marie Rutkoski
4
Someone was coming through the velvet. He was pulling it wide, he was stepping onto Kestrel’s balcony–close, closer still as she turned and the curtain swayed, then stopped. He pinned the velvet against frame. He held the sweep of it high, at the level of his gray eyes, which were silver in the shadows. He was here. He had come. Arin.Marie Rutkoski
5
She said, I'm going to miss you when you when I wake up. Don't wake up, he answered. But he did. Kestrel, beside him on the grass, said. "Did I wake you? I didn't mean to." It took him a velvety moment to understand that this was real. The air was quiet. An insect beat it's clear wings. She brushed hair from his brow. Now he was very awake." You were sleeping so sweetly, " she said." Dreaming" He touched her tender mouth." About what?"" Come closer, and I will tell you." But he forgot. He kissed her, and became lost in the exquisite sensation of his skin becoming too tight for his body. He murmured other things instead. A secret, a want, a promise. A story, in its own way. She curled her fingers into the green earth .Marie Rutkoski
6
Arin. I've wanted to do this for a long time." Her words silenced him, steadied him. Antecipation lifted within her like the fragance of a garden under the rain. She sat at the piano, touching the keys. "Ready?"He smiled. "Play.Marie Rutkoski
7
Something tugged inside him. A flutter of unease. Do you sing? Those had been her first words to him, the day she had bought him. A band of nausea circled Arin’s throat, just as it had when she had asked him that question, in part for the same reason. She’d had no trace of an accent. She had spoken in perfect, natural, mother-taught Herrani.Marie Rutkoski
8
She had dreams that shamed her in the morning, dreams where Ronan gave her a white powdered cake, yet spoke in Arin's voice. I made this for you, he said. Do you like it? The powder was so fine that she inhaled its sweetness, but always woke before she could taste.Marie Rutkoski
9
Nothing is ever black and white, Nila. You should know that bu now. Its all how you survive the grey." -KesPepper Winters
10
She said, I'm going to miss you when you when I wake up. Don't wake up, he answered. But he did. Kestrel, beside him on the grass, said. "Did I wake you? I didn't mean to.Marie Rutkoski
11
He'd believed it. She couldn't believe that he believed it. Sometimes, she hated him for that.Marie Rutkoski
12
It was different to give something up than to see it taken away. The difference, Kestrel said, was choice.Marie Rutkoski
13
Come closer, and I will tell you." But he forgot. He kissed her, and became lost in the exquisite sensation of his skin becoming too tight for his body. He murmured other things instead. A secret, a want, a promise. A story, in its own way.Marie Rutkoski
14
A dagger wants flesh, her father would say. Find it.Marie Rutkoski
15
Arin, you’re not listening. You’re not thinking clearly.”“ You’re right. I haven’t been thinking clearly, not for a long time. But I understand now.” Arin pushed his tiles away. His winning hand scattered out of line. “You have changed, Kestrel. I don’t know who you are anymore. And I don’t want to.Marie Rutkoski
16
She'd betrayed her country because she'd believed it was the right thing to do. Yet would she have done this, if not for Arin?He knew none of it. Had never asked for it. Kestrel had made her own choices. It was unfair to blame him. But she wanted to.Marie Rutkoski
17
Ultimately, when he held your treasonous letter in his hand and saw how you had lied to him, the choice between me and you was the choice between someone who loves him and someone who didn't.Marie Rutkoski
18
Little Fists, what's wrong?Marie Rutkoski
19
The guard hit Kestrel across the face. “I said, what did you give him?” You had a warrior’s heart, even then. Kestrel spat blood. “Nothing, ” she told the guard. She thought of her father, she thought of Arin. She told her final lie. “I gave him nothing.Marie Rutkoski
20
Will you come with me?"" Ah, Kestrel, that's something you never need to ask.Marie Rutkoski
21
Her innocence was maddening. She should know. She should know what her steward had done. She should know it to be her fault whether she’d given the order or not—and whether she knew or not. Innocent? Her? Never.He did not want her to know. He did not want her to see. But:Look at me, he found himself thinking furiously at her. Look at me. She lifted her eyes, and did.Marie Rutkoski
22
She focused on that nothingness, imagined it as ink spilling over everything she could possibly think or feel.Marie Rutkoski