1
A professional headshot in front of a bookshelf says you're an intellectual. A professional headshot peeking though a bookshelf says you're probably under a restraining order.Ryan Lilly
2
The world’s most lethal venom is not found on the tongues of serpents, but on the tongues of a disgruntled wife.Matshona Dhliwayo
3
An inch to a man’s heart is a mile to his wallet.Matshona Dhliwayo
4
Get high on love, not drugs.Matshona Dhliwayo
5
Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.Matshona Dhliwayo
6
Your wife is smarter than you; know this, and you will live happily ever after.Matshona Dhliwayo
7
Falling in love with someone is intentional, even if it was their looks that tripped you.Matshona Dhliwayo
8
There is nothing wrong with being a puppet if love is the one pulling the strings.Matshona Dhliwayo
9
The easiest way to remember your future wife’s birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday.Matshona Dhliwayo
10
If men could be bought like clothes at an outlet, only then would women always get what they bargained for.Matshona Dhliwayo
11
The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand.Matshona Dhliwayo
12
Be calm on your wedding day; she won’t kill you in front of a hundred people, no matter what you've done.Matshona Dhliwayo
13
Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.Matshona Dhliwayo
14
Humor is a tool to ease the harsh realities of life.Ken Poirot
15
An angry wife can be more frightening than an army of disgruntled soldiers.Matshona Dhliwayo
16
I'm friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I'm 1 degree away from 212 degrees.Ryan Lilly
17
You never know what you will find in your pants!Ken Poirot
18
I'm like a stray cat. If you feed me, I don't leave.Michelle M. Pillow
19
I love that there's no cutoff where we get labeled and sent off to a home for hopeless, cranky, depressives. Every day is a new chance to listen longer and be braver and love more. We get to try again and again and again.Anna White
20
To be reborned many times over, you must unleash the power of inertia. But must you go out every time and reach for your highest potential?C.C. Wyatt
21
I surround myself with books when I write, thus surrounding myself with writers... only they don't critique me and then get up for coffee.Ryan Lilly
22
I enjoy self-publishing & sending publishers rejection letters. They're like, 'Who is this guy?' And I'm like, 'the end of your industry.Ryan Lilly
23
Boys are raw materials that women manufacture into products called men.Matshona Dhliwayo
24
If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores.Matshona Dhliwayo
25
A mother’s eyes are like God; impossible to get away from, they see everything.Matshona Dhliwayo
26
Ask your wife for forgiveness, even when you’re right.Matshona Dhliwayo
27
The easiest way to be the prettiest girl at a party is to rig the guest list.Matshona Dhliwayo
28
She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.Matshona Dhliwayo
29
Women are heavyweight boxers; only, they punch with words, not fists.Matshona Dhliwayo
30
I like to go to Starbucks and watch the intellectuals. I observe them and their intellectualness. They in turn observe me drinking coffee and being a creeper.Ryan Lilly
31
My mother-in-law belongs in Hell, but the devil is afraid she’ll end up taking over.Matshona Dhliwayo