Quotes From "One Hot Mess" By Lois Greiman

When blondes have more fun, do they know it? Lois Greiman

I ain't taking no more rides on the stupid train. Lois Greiman

Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after. Lois Greiman

Don't worry. It's scientifically unlikely that the universe will explode into a million particles at any given moment. Lois Greiman

Dating--the socially accepted alternative to the rack. Lois Greiman

In my opinion, kissing a lady's hand is a fine tradition. After all, a man must start somewhere. Lois Greiman

Some people say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. In actuality, you have to make an incision through his skin, both dermis and epidermis, then carefully sever and separate the sternum. Only upon viewing the exposed thoracic cavity can you reach the heart--if indeed the male of the species actually possesses such an organ. Lois Greiman

I don't need no PMS. I can bitch under my own steam. Lois Greiman

Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a nice little villa in Tuscany, and that's close enough for me. Lois Greiman

He's an undersized pissant with delusions of adequacy. Lois Greiman

Jealousy. It's a terrible thing. Unless it's someone else's. Lois Greiman

It'd hardly be worth having a brother at all, if you couldn't smack him in the head every once in a while. Lois Greiman

It's not who you know, it's who you sleep with. Lois Greiman

He's just a flash in the pants. Lois Greiman

You're just so lucky blood's so hard to get out of the carpet. Lois Greiman

You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you. Lois Greiman

If it looks like a cat, walks like a cat, and has whiskers like a cat, it's probably a damn cat. But if it eats your groceries, messes up your kitchen, and makes you want to rip out your hair by the roots, you either married it or gave birth to it Lois Greiman

Every morning I read the obituaries. If it ain't there I make myself a cup of tea and carry on like I have the past century or so. Lois Greiman

When in doubt, shoot 1st and ask questions later, but avoid the head, "because they'rea lot more likely to answer if they're not dead. Lois Greiman

Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a hell of a lot more effective in court. So your set, McMullen Lois Greiman

Breaking up is hard to do. But, bustin him in the head ain't that easy, either. Lois Greiman

They say love makes the world go around… I been dizzy for a long time. Lois Greiman

Sex is all right, but a hot fudge sundae don't never ask if the baby's really his. Lois Greiman

I fear that someday you will abandon the joys we share and find another not worthy of your charms. Lois Greiman