1
It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever, " he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?Terry Pratchett
2
He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower.Terry Pratchett
3
How do you get all those coins?" asked Mort.IN PAIRS.Terry Pratchett
4
And so Mort came at last to the river Ankh, greatest of rivers. Even before it entered the city, it was slow and heavy with the silt of the plains, and by the time it got to The Shades even an agnostic could have walked across it. It was hard to drown in the Ankh, but easy to suffocate.Terry Pratchett
5
Scientists have calculated that the chances of something so patently absurd actually existing are millions to one. But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.Terry Pratchett
6
Oh. I see. People don't want to see what can't possibly exist.Terry Pratchett
7
History isn't like that. History unravels gently, like an old sweater. It has been patched and darned many times, reknitted to suit different people, shoved in a box under the sink of censorship to be cut up for the dusters of propaganda, yet it always - eventually - manages to spring back into its old familar shape. History has a habit of changing the people who think they are changing it. History always has a few tricks up its frayed sleeve. It's been around a long time.Terry Pratchett
8
Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.Terry Pratchett
9
His granny taught him to read, see. I reckon it overheated his mind.Terry Pratchett
10
Practically anything can go faster than Disc light, which is lazy and tame, unlike ordinary light. The only thing known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Wheedle. He reasoned like this: you can't have more than one king, and tradition demands that there is no cap between kings, so when a king dies the succession must therefore pass to the heir instantaneously. presumably, he said, these must be some elementary particles - kingons, or possibly queons - that do this job, but of course succession sometimes fails if, mid-flight, they strike an anti-particle, or republicon. His ambitious plan to use his discovery to send messages, involving the careful torturing of a small king in order to modulate the signal, were never fully expounded because, at that point, the bar closed.Terry Pratchett
11
Albert grunted. "Do you know what happens to lads who ask too many questions?" Mort thought for a moment." No, " he said eventually, "what?"There was silence. Then Albert straightened up and said, "Damned if I know. Probably they get answers, and serve 'em right.Terry Pratchett
12
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, he said, BUT I COULD MURDER A CURRY.Terry Pratchett
13
And he goes around killing people?” said Mort. He shook his head. “There’s no justice.” Death sighed. No, he said... there’s just me.Terry Pratchett
14
It struck Mort with sudden, terrible poignancy that Death must be the loneliest creature in the universe. In the great party of Creation, he was always in the kitchen.Terry Pratchett