Quotes From "The Life And Opinions Of Tristram Shandy Gentleman" By Laurence Sterne

If death, said my father, reasoning with himself, is nothing but the separation of the soul from the body;--and if it is true that people can walk about and do their business without brains, --then certes the soul does not inhabit there. Laurence Sterne

I have undertaken, you see, to write not only my life, but my opinions also; hoping and expecting that your knowledge of my character, and of what kind of a mortal I am, by the one, would give you a better relish for the other: As you proceed further with me, the slight acquaintance which is now beginning betwixt us, will grow into familiarity; and that, unless one of us is in fault, will terminate in friendship. Laurence Sterne

–all I can say of the matter, is– That he has either a pumkin for his head–or a pippin for his heart, –and whenever he is dissected 'twill be found so. Laurence Sterne

–I won't go about to argue the point with you, –'tis so, –and I am persuaded of it, madam, as much as can be, "That both man and woman bear pain or sorrow, (and, for aught I know, pleasure too) best in a horizontal position. Laurence Sterne

I begin with writing the first sentence–and trusting to Almighty God for the second. Laurence Sterne

I am this month one whole year older than I was this time twelve-month; and having got, as you perceive, almost into the middle of my fourth volume–and no farther than to my first day's life–'tis demonstrative that I have three hundred and sixty-four days more life to write just now, than when I first set out; so that instead of advancing, as a common writer, in my work with what I have been doing at it–on the contrary, I am just thrown so many volumes back– . Laurence Sterne

Human nature is the same in all professions. Laurence Sterne

Cursed luck! –said he, biting his lip as he shut the door, –for man to be master of one of the finest chains of reasoning in nature, –and have a wife at the same time with such a head-piece, that he cannot hang up a single inference within side of it, to save his soul from destruction. Laurence Sterne

Now don't let us give ourselves a parcel of airs, and pretend that the oaths we make free with in this land of liberty of ours are our own; and because we have the spirit to swear them, –imagine that we have had the wit to invent them too. Laurence Sterne

Great wits jump Laurence Sterne

Crack, crack–crack, crack–crack, crack–so this is Paris! quoth I (continuing in the same mood)–and this is Paris! –humph! –Paris! cried I, repeating the name the third time– The first, the finest, the most brilliant– –The streets however are nasty; But it looks, I suppose, better than it smells–crack, crack–crack, crack– Laurence Sterne

Keyholes are the occasions of more sin and wickedness, than all other holes in this world put together. Laurence Sterne