Quotes From "The Absolutely True Diary Of A Parttime Indian" By Sherman Alexie

I used to think the world was broken down by tribes, ' I said. 'By Black and White. By Indian and White. But I know this isn't true. The world is only broken into two tribes: the people who are assholes and the people who are not. Sherman Alexie

When it comes to death, we know that laughter and tears are pretty much the same thing. And so, laughing and crying, we said good-bye to my grandmother. And when we said goodbye to one grandmother, we said good-bye to all of them. Each funeral was a funeral for all of us. We lived and died together. All of us laughed when they lowered my grandmother into the ground. And all of us laughed when they covered her with dirt. And all of us laughed as we walked and drove and rode our way back to our lonely, lonely houses. Sherman Alexie

Did she say anything before she died?" he asked." Yes, " the surgeon said. "She said, 'Forgive him'"" Forgive him?" my father asked." I think she was referring to the drunk driver who killed her." Wow. My grandmother's last act on earth was a call for forgiveness, love and tolerance. She wanted us to forgive Gerald, the dumb-ass Spokane Indian alcoholic who ran her over and killed her. I think My Dad wanted to go find Gerald and beat him to death. I think my mother would have helped him. I think I would have helped him, too. But my grandmother wanted us to forgive her murderer. Even dead, she was a better person than us. Sherman Alexie

Do you understand how amazing it is to hear that from an adult? Do you know how amazing it is to hear that from anybody? It's one of the simplest sentences in the world, just four words, but they're the four hugest words in the world when they're put together. You can do it. Sherman Alexie

You read a book for the story, for each of its words, " Gordy said, "and you draw your cartoons for the story, for each of the words and images. And, yeah, you need to take that seriously, but you should also read and draw because really good books and cartoons give you a boner." I was shocked:" Did you just say books should give me a boner?"" Yes, I did."" Are you serious?"" Yeah.. don't you get excited about books?"" I don't think that you're supposed to get THAT excited about books."" You should get a boner! You have to get a boner! " Gordy shouted. "Come on! " We ran into the Reardan High School Library."Look at all these books, " he said." There aren't that many, " I said. It was a small library in a small high school in a small town." There are three thousand four hundred and twelve books here, " Gordy said. "I know that because I counted them."" Okay, now you're officially a freak, " I said." Yes, it's a small library. It's a tiny one. But if you read one of these books a day, it would still take you almost ten years to finish."" What's your point?"" The world, even the smallest parts of it, is filled with things you don't know." Wow. That was a huge idea. Any town, even one as small as Reardan, was a place of mystery. And that meant Wellpinit, the smaller, Indian town, was also a place of mystery." Okay, so it's like each of these books is a mystery. Every book is a mystery. And if you read all of the books ever written, it's like you've read one giant mystery. And no matter how much you learn, you keep on learning so much more you need to learn."" Yes, yes, yes, yes, " Gordy said. "Now doesn't that give you a boner?"" I am rock hard, " I said. Sherman Alexie

[Or perhaps my friends should have realized that they shouldn't have left behind the FRICKING REASON FOR THEIR PROTEST! And that thought just cracked me up.] It was like my friends had walked over the backs of baby seals in order to get to the beach where they could protest against the slaughter of baby seals. Sherman Alexie

You meet me after school right here", I said." Why?" he asked. I couldn't believe he was so stupid." Because we're going to finish this fight."" You're crazy, " Roger said. He got to his feet and walked away. His gang stared at me like I was a serail killer, and they followed their leader. I was absolutely confused. I had followed the rules of fighting. i had behaved exactly the way I was supposed to behave. But these white boys had ignored the rules. In fact, they followed a whole other set of mysterious rules where people apparently DID NOT GET INTO FISTFIGHTS.(65) . Sherman Alexie

And I couldn't make fun of her for that dream. It was my dream, too. And Indian boys weren't supposed to dream like that. And white girls from small towns weren't supposed to dream big, either. We were supposed to be happy with our limitations. But there was no way Penelope and I were going to sit still. Nope, we both wanted to fly: Sherman Alexie

I always think it's funny when Indians celebrate Thanksgiving. I mean, sure, the Indians and Pilgrims were best friends during the first Thanksgiving, but a few years later, the Pilgrims were shooting Indians.So I'm never quite sure why we eat turkey like everybody else. Sherman Alexie

There are all kinds of addicts, I guess. We all have pain. And we all look for ways to make the pain go away. (107) Sherman Alexie

They wanted to help me with my pain. Sherman Alexie

I was crying because I had broken my best friend's heart. Sherman Alexie

I think all of us are always five years old in the presence and absence of our parents. Sherman Alexie

He was going to punish me now. He couldn't beat me up with his old man fists, but he could hurt me with his old man words. Sherman Alexie

My grandmother's last act on earth was a call for forgiveness, love, and tolerance. Sherman Alexie

I knew I was being an idiot. But I figured if I kept being an idiot, if I didn't actually accept the truth, then the truth would become false. Sherman Alexie

I'm quite aware of my differences. I wouldn't classify them as weird Sherman Alexie

THE UNOFFICIAL AND UNWRITTEN(but you better follow them or you’re going to get beaten twice as hard) S P O K A N E INDIAN RULES OF FISTICUFFS:1. IF SOMEBODY INSULTS YOU, THEN YOU HAVE TO FIGHT HIM.2. IF YOU THINK SOMEBODY IS GOING TO INSULT YOU, THEN YOU HAVE TO FIGHT HIM.3. IF YOU THINK SOMEBODY IS THINKING ABOUT INSULTING YOU, THEN YOU HAVE TO FIGHT HIM.4. IF SOMEBODY INSULTS ANY OF YOUR FAMILY OR FRIENDS, OR IF YOU THINK THEY’RE GOING TO INSULT YOUR FAMILY OR FRIENDS, OR IF YOU THINK THEY’RE THINKING ABOUT INSULTING YOUR FAMILY OR FRIENDS, THEN YOU HAVE TO FIGHT HIM.5. YOU SHOULD NEVER FIGHT A GIRL, UNLESS SHE INSULTS YOU, YOUR FAMILY, OR YOUR FRIENDS, THEN YOU HAVE TO FIGHT HER.6. IF SOMEBODY BEATS UP YOUR FATHER OR YOUR MOTHER, THEN YOU HAVE TO FIGHT THE SON AND/OR DAUGHTER OF THE PERSON WHO BEAT UP YOUR MOTHER OR FATHER.7. IF YOUR MOTHER OR FATHER BEATS UP SOMEBODY, THEN THAT PERSON’S SON AND/OR DAUGHTER WILL FIGHT YOU.8. YOU MUST ALWAYS PICK FIGHTS WITH THE SONS AND/OR DAUGHTERS OF ANY INDIANS WHO WORK FOR THE BUREA OF INDIAN AFFAIRS.9. YOU MUST ALWAYS PICK FIGHTS WITH THE SONS AND/OR DAUGHTERS OF ANY WHITE PEOPLE WHO LIVE ANYWHERE ON THE RESERVATION.10. IF YOU GET IN A FIGHT WITH SOMEBODY WHO IS SURE TO BEAT YOU UP, THEN YOU MUST THROW THE FIRST PUNCH, BECAUSE IT’S THE ONLY PUNCH YOU’LL EVER GET TO THROW.11. IN ANY FIGHT, THE LOSER IS THE FIRST ONE WHO CRIES. Sherman Alexie

A bullet only costs about two cents, and anybody can afford that. Sherman Alexie

Well, " she said, "how can I be sure there aren't invisible people in the world? Scientists didn't believe in the mountain gorilla for hundreds of years. And now look. So if scientists can be wrong, then all of us can be wrong. I mean, what if all those invisible people ARE scientists? Think about that one. Sherman Alexie

I grabbed my book and opened it up. I wanted to smell it. Heck, I wanted to kiss it. Yes, kiss it. That's right, I am a book kisser. Maybe that's kind of perverted or maybe it's just romantic and highly intelligent. Sherman Alexie

Coach said. "the quality of a man's life is in direct proportion to his commitment to excellence, regardless of his chosen field of endeavor". Sherman Alexie

And then I realized that my sister was trying to LIVE a romance novel. Man, that takes courage and imagination. Well, it also took some degree of mental illness, too, but I was suddenly happy for her. And a little scared. Well, a lot scared. Sherman Alexie

My sister is running away to get lost, but I am running away because I want to find something. And my parents love me so much that they want to help me. Yeah, Dad is a drunk and Mom is an ex-drunk, but they don't want their kids to be drunks. Sherman Alexie

Well, in the early days of humans, the community was our only protection against predators, and against the starvation. We survived because we trusted one another. Sherman Alexie

Because I want to be remembered. Sherman Alexie

He was my best friend and I needed him. Sherman Alexie

All of these white kids and teachers, who were so suspicious of me when I first arrived, had learned to care about me. Maybe some of them even loved me. And I'd been so suspicious of them. And now I care about a lot of them. And loved a few of them. Sherman Alexie

Gordie, the white boy genius, gave me this book by a Russian dude named Tolstoy, who wrote, 'Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.' Well, I hate to argue with a Russian genius, but Tolstoy didn't know Indians, and he didn't know that all Indian families are unhappy for the same exact reasons: the frikkin' booze. Sherman Alexie

Like the coffin was settling down for a long, long nap, for a forever nap. Sherman Alexie

So I draw because I feel like it might be my only real chance to escape the reservation. Sherman Alexie

But how can I get enough experience if they don't give me a chance to get experience? Sherman Alexie

But despite the fact that Reardan is a tiny town, people can still be strangers to each other. Sherman Alexie

I hoped and prayed that they would someday forgive me for leaving them. I hoped and prayed that I would someday forgive myself for leaving them. Sherman Alexie

But my grandmother wanted us to forgive her murderer. Sherman Alexie

Son, " Mr. P said. "You're going to find more and more hope the farther and farther you walk away from this sad, sad, sad reservation. Sherman Alexie

I can't remember how to cry. Sherman Alexie