Quotes From "Seduction And Snacks" By Tara Sivec

This is one of mommy's friends, buddy, " I told Gavin. (..)"You're Mommy's fwiend?" he questioned. Carter just nodded with his mouth open and no sound coming out. I’m pretty sure he didn’t even hear Gavin. Someone could have asked him if he liked to watch gay porn while painting pictures of kittens and he would have nodded his head. Before anyone could react, Gavin pulled back one of his little fists of fury and slammed it right into Carters manhood. He immediately bent over at the waist, clutching his hands between his legs and gasping for breath. "Oh my God! Gavin! " I yelled, as I scrambled over to him, bent down and turned him around to face me while my dad and Liz laughed like hyenas behind me. "What is wrong with you? We don't hit people. EVER, " I scolded. While Carter tried to breathe again, my dad managed to stop laughing long enough to apologize. "Sorry, Claire, that's probably my fault. I let Gavin watch "Fight Club" with me last night." "Your fwiends got you sick the other night. You said he was your fwiend, " Gavin explained, like it made all the sense in the world. This just made my dad laugh even louder. "Not helping, Dad, " I growled through clenched teeth. "You don't make my mommy sick, dicky-punk! " Gavin yelled at Carter, putting his two little fingers up by his eyes, and then pointing them right at Carter just like Liz had done to him earlier. "Jesus Christ, " Carter wheezed. "Did he just threaten me?" "Jesus Cwist! " Gavin repeated back. . Tara Sivec

Oh fuck, he was right there. I was wet as hell and he could probably smell me now. I should have eaten strawberries or melon or a dozen roses or an entire mint plant. Did that work for women? I read an article that it worked for men. Their spunk tasted like what they ate. Did my vagina taste like spaghetti right now? God dammit! I shouldn't have eaten dinner! Tara Sivec

If you two yentas are finished discussing Claire’s rabid who-ha, me and the boys would like to eat sometime this century."" You and 'the boys?' You just met them today. Does the Ya Ya Brotherhood already have a secret handshake and a password?" Liz joked. Tara Sivec

If you spelled George Morgan wrong on Google it didn't say, "Did you mean George Morgan?" It simply replied, "Run while you still have the chance. Tara Sivec

It was all fun and games until someone else's dick was in your girlfriend's TMJ mouth Tara Sivec