1
Percy, you are dismissed from my service."" Me? Why, my lord?"" Why? Because, Percy, far from being a fit consort for a prince of the realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot. You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly, and the part of you that can't be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the court, wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be. If you put on a floppy hat and a funny codpiece, you might just get by as a fool, but since you wouldn't know a joke if it got up and gave you a haircut, I doubt it. That's why you're dismissed." "Oh, I see." "And as for you, Baldrick.." "Yes." "You're out, too.Richard Curtis
2
The verdict of this court is that the accused are guilty of witchcraft. The maximum penalty the law allows is to be burned to death. However, in view of your previous good background I am disposed to be lenient. I therefore sentence you to be burned alive.Richard Curtis
3
I gave you three proofs of witchcraft. A cat that drinks blood! A horse that talks! And a man who propagates POODLES!Richard Curtis