Modern Romans insisted that there was only one god, a notion that struck Alobar as comically simplistic. Worse, this Semitic deity was reputed to be jealous (what was there to be jealous of if there were no other gods?), vindictive, and altogether foul-tempered. If you didn't serve the nasty fellow, the Romans would burn your house down. If you did serve him, you were called a Christian and got to burn other people's houses down. . Tom Robbins
About This Quote

In the Bible, the Lord God Almighty reveals himself to Moses as a huge man with a long beard. The majority of people in Israel looked upon this figure with wonder and respect, but Alobar didn't think much of it. He questioned if this was really a proper representation of a deity. It certainly didn't appear to be a good example of God's character.

The only way to know for sure was to ask him directly. So Alobar did what he always did when confronted with a difficult question, he prayed. "HELLO, GOD! I'M ALOBAB! WHAT'S UP?" He was trying to get a conversation going, but God didn't want to talk.

He just kept pounding on the door and yelling through the window. Alobar couldn't get out because God had locked him in with a padlock and a deadbolt. God did at least give Alobar one consolation: he could still see everything going on outside his door. Every time God opened it or walked by, he got a good look at his hands and feet.

They were ugly looking things, covered with black hair and so swollen they looked about ready to burst at any moment. "YOU FOOL," bellowed God in Alobar's face when he finally realized that Alobar wasn't going to let him in without at least some kind of explanation, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? CLOSE YOUR EYES AND RUN AWAY!" "I can't," said Alobar in obvious confusion and despair, "I'm locked in." "LIAR," screamed God, "YOU'RE NOT LOCKED IN! I HAVE INSTRUCTED THE DOOR TO REMAIN OPEN AT ALL TIMES!" "What do you mean?" asked Alobar, "It's locked." God grabbed the lock and pulled on it hard enough that the door shook in its frame. He pulled harder and harder until finally the bolt broke off in his hand and flew into the room past his shoulder like an arrow from a bow. "LOOK AT ME!" yelled God, which is about as effective as telling someone thunder is coming their way so they will stop shaking. "LIAR! YOU ARE LOCKED IN!" Aloboar saw what happened next: the lock turned into a man who ran out to grab him by the neck and drag him out of his house screaming all sorts of obscenities at him while pulling on his

Source: Jitterbug Perfume

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