1
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex she objects.Les Dawson
2
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex she objects.Les Dawson
3
My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.'Les Dawson
4
In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.Les Dawson
5
My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.Les Dawson
6
I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.Les Dawson
7
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.Les Dawson
8
How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.Les Dawson
9
The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'Les Dawson