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I’d spend hours in HMVs, Virgin Megastores and second-hand record shops staffed by greasy-haired 40-year-olds dressed as 20-year-olds, listening to contemporary music of every genre — Britrock, heavy maiden, gang rap, brakebeat. And I came to a startling but unshakeable conclusion: no genuinely good music has been created since 1988.Alan Partridge
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Like a good-looking John Merrick, mine was a face that looked really shit.Alan Partridge
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Tears streamed down my face. I was so happy I wanted to shout it from the rooftop. But at the same time I knew that that afternoon's downpour would have made the slate tiles so slippery that achieving any kind of purchase would have been impossible.Alan Partridge
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I've told you, there's no point keeping those. They're not tax-deductible, ' my dad thundered.' I think you'll find they are, ' raged my mum like some sort of feral animal (a badger with TB perhaps).' They're not. You only get VAT back on lunches outside of a 50-mile radius from your place of residence. You effing bitch, ' he seemed to add, with his eyes, I imagined.Alan Partridge