1
Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man.Louis C.K.
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Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.Criss Jami
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A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.Friedrich Nietzsche
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I've said it before and I'll say it again, my lord. You are an evil man.Tamora Pierce
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The gods too are fond of a joke.Aristotle
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Belief is a wonderful way to pass the time until the facts come in.Carl R White
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Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking.Amy Sedaris
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Okay, that one's pretty good, " Fred acknowledged, after she'd told him a particularly filthy joke. "But have you heard the one about the baker's wife?"" No, " Kyra said." Rumor has it, she married him for his buns." Fred burst out laughing. Kyra groaned. "Okay, that was just bad.Bridget Zinn
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Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy on suppressing the urge to tell some of the people who are staring at them that they do not eat as much and as frequently as they seem to.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that is or was not read to pass an exam, to please God, or to be a better cook.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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One of the most common and most dangerous misbeliefs is that it is impossible for someone to be stupid just because they are a doctor or a lawyer.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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In this story I am the poet You're the poetry.Arzum Uzun
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Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.Dave Barry
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What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning-- and a child's more imporant than a joke, I hope. You couldn't deny that, even if you tried with both hands.Lewis Carroll
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Looking but not seeing is the hearing but not understanding of the eye.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg!Terry Pratchett
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It is still cheating, even if nobody comes.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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I don’t give sick days if you’re playing in the snow.” He’s being funny, or trying to be funny. I can never tell which.Zoe Cruz
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There are always messages, even enigmas to be searched, mysteries to be solved in all of my books. I like to puzzle readers, but I do not make so to the point of being so complex that they will lose interest in the plot. And that for me is the essence of every great literature around the world, and that’s been so for ages.(..) Some were inpired by real life characters, some other books I wrote are hybrid fiction/non-fiction, so I pretty much get inspired by people who have lived, and even who are still breathing among us… so don’t get discouraged if I didn’t mention your personality traits yet. I might even have your name over my books, I must some day….Ana Claudia Antunes
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Most people do not mind having a house that is smaller and/or a car that is cheaper than their neighbours’, as long as they each earn and have more money than their neighbours, and, equally important, their neighbours know that.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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We have glorified wealth and freedom so much that it is impossible for most of us to truly believe that a man can truly be happy in a shack or within the confines of a prison cell.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Wealth seldom fails to breed the fear of poverty.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Even those who want to go to heaven would rather kill than be killed.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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If you are having private thoughts and ask an intimate friend to listen to them in privacy or on a date will that be considered too intimi-dating? And if the thoughts are proved to be untrue, but your friend still insists on believing in them anyway, would that be considered a cons-piracy?Ana Claudia Antunes
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I feel strongly that Christians have a scriptural mandate to love and care for all the people of the world. Even those who are living in immoral circumstances are entitled to be treated with dignity and respect. There is no place for hatred, hurtful jokes, or other forms of rejecting towards those who are gay.James C. Dobson
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And how should we behave during this Apocalypse? We should be unusually kind to one another, certainly. But we should also stop being so serious. Jokes help a lot. And get a dog, if you don't already have one.Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
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What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"" Ask a glass of water!Douglas Adams
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...the primary paradox that man is superior to all the things around him and yet is at their mercy.G.k. Chesterton
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It will be generally found that the popular joke is not true to the letter, but is true to the spirit. The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact.G.k. Chesterton
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If u want to work in Corporate, then u should know how to play Chess.Honeya
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...Andrew Feldman put £2, 000 behind the bar, and [David] Cameron told a joke about a farmer inviting a new neighbour to come to his house for a party where there might be dancing, drinking and ‘rough sex’. When the neighbour asks what to wear, the farmer says, ‘It doesn’t matter, it’s only going to be you and me.Tim Shipman
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The average adult hates being treated like a child, unless it suits them.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private, if the number of sane human beings who do them in public were large enough.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Unrequited love is a billion times less intolerable than unrequited hate.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with whom they want or wanted to have sex.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Death would not surprise us as often as it does, if we let go of the misbelief that newborns are less mortal than the elderly.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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He with the cleanest clothes isn’t necessarily the cleanest.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Because he has finally realized that it is it and not him that is loved by the woman he loves, many a man is jealous of his own car, house, wardrobe, or salary.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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We are sometimes depressed by our failure to convince people who strongly believe that we are that we are definitely not depressed.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Every single person is a fool, insane, a failure, or a bad person to at least ten people.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Nothing is as irritating to a shy man as a confident girl.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Even the world’s greatest actor cannot fake an erection.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some women have kissed–and some are kissing–a lot of frogs, even though the very first man that they have each kissed was and is still a prince.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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The least we each ought to do for someone who treats us like a king or a queen is to treat them like a prince or a princess.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Saying that you do not remember something or someone is a less embarrassing or hurtful way of saying that you do not know it or them anymore.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people wouldn’t still be sane, if they were not religious or superstitious; some wouldn’t be disabled or dead.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people who, instead of their mouths, have prayed with their hands and/or feet.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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When you are suffering from sexual starvation, a spank or even a hug seems like a porn scene.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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There probably was a time when the idea of having a toilet inside a house was repulsive.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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There would be fewer absent fathers, if straight men were turned on only by women with whom they would not mind having children.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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An arrogant man whose arrogance we see from his own behaviour is more tolerable than a humble man whose humility we hear of from his own mouth.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people would not be dead if they have not gotten the things or people they had prayed for.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people would not have remained with their partners, if the unfortunate things that have happened to them had happened to their partners, or if the fortunate things that have happened to their partners had happened to them.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Thanks to bad graphic design, some readers love only the electronic version of some books.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people are each envious of the person they used to be.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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I do not have a problem with people killing themselves, as long as they took at least a hundred years to think about what they are about to do.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Finding out that you are not your lover’s only lover hurts, but not as much as discovering that you are the side chick … or the side dick.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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We think we like or love some people until we see them regularly.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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We sometimes try to impress people we just met by not trying to impress them.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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The fact that you have just buried your parent or parents and/or sibling or siblings does not make you less likely to die today.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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The only real reason that some relationships and marriages have not yet been ended is because in each case one of the partners has not yet found their ideal partner or someone they love or at least like.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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To increase the chances of a writer trying to kill themselves, cut off their hands.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some men’s chests are more buttlike than some women’s butts.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Not every single way of saying the right thing is right.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Death would be an extremely bad thing like most of us paint it, if being dead were painful.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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After a certain point, all natural bodily changes are for the worst.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people love but will never marry each other. Some are married to but have never loved and will never love each other.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Unless it is you, finding out who your lover’s dream lover is is a nightmare.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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If we had to earn our age by thinking for ourselves at least once a year, only a handful of people would reach adulthood.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as beautiful as she is).Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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To evade insanity and depression, we unconsciously limit the number of people toward whom we are sincerely sympathetic.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you almost always have to remind your partner to miss you (and/or they almost always have to remind you to miss them).Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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The answer to the question ‘How many children do you have?’ and the one to the question ‘How many children are you raising?’ are not identical in all cases: some men are not taking care of their own children, some are knowingly or unknowingly raising other men’s children, and some do not even know that they each have a child, another child, or other children.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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More people would be depressed, if parents tried to please their children as frequently and as badly as children try to please their parents.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some men are so indoctrinated that they sincerely believe that other than cooking and cleaning the only thing that a woman can do better than them is being a woman.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Taking good care of your husband or wife is the best way to thank their parent or parents for having taken good care of them.Mokokoma Mokhonoana