100 Quotes About Joke

Ever heard a good joke? Or maybe you’re the one who can make up a killer joke. Either way, these jokes are hilarious and will have you laughing out loud. Humor is one of our greatest coping mechanisms. Knowing that we can make others laugh helps us to cope with stress, anxiety, and difficult situations in life Read more

When we feel better, we’re better able to deal with problems. So if you’re looking for a good laugh, check out the collection below of funny jokes for men and women, young and old!

I was smiling yesterday, I am smiling today and I...
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I was smiling yesterday, I am smiling today and I will smile tomorrow. Simply because life is too short to cry for anything. Santosh Kalwar
Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family...
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Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man. Louis C.K.
Investigation?
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Investigation?" Isabelle laughed. "Now we're detectives? Maybe we should all have code names."" Good idea, " said Jace. "I shall be Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein. Cassandra Clare
It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life...
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It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one. Rick Riordan
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Is this Clarissa Fray?" The voice on the other end of the phone sounded familiar, though not immediately identifiable. Clary twirled the phone cord nervously around her finger. "Yeees?""Hi, I'm one of the knife-carrying hooligans you met last night in Pandemonium? I"m afraid I made a bad impression and was hoping you'd give me a chance to make it up to-"" S I M O N! " Clary held the phone away from her ear as he cracked up laughing. "That is so not funny! "" Sure it is. You just don't see the humor."" Jerk." Clary sighed, leaning up against the wall. Cassandra Clare
And it's Gryfindor in possession again, as Johnson takes the...
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And it's Gryfindor in possession again, as Johnson takes the Quaffle– Flint alongside her –poke him in the eye, Angelina –it was a joke, professor, it was a joke... J.k. Rowling
In eternity there is no time, only an instant long...
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In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke. Hermann Hesse
We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in...
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We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. H.l. Mencken
A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room...
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A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it. H.l. Mencken
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I started studying law, but this I could stand just for one semester. I couldn't stand more. Then I studied languages and literature for two years. After two years I passed an examination with the result I have a teaching certificate for Latin and Hungarian for the lower classes of the gymnasium, for kids from 10 to 14. I never made use of this teaching certificate. And then I came to philosophy, physics, and mathematics. In fact, I came to mathematics indirectly. I was really more interested in physics and philosophy and thought about those. It is a little shortened but not quite wrong to say: I thought I am not good enough for physics and I am too good for philosophy. Mathematics is in between. . Unknown
The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth...
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The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact. G.k. Chesterton
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Stanley forced a smile to his lips at the memory of the onesided romance; it was silly, after all, a stupid childhood crush. Who’d fall in love with a fictional character? That was the kind of thing you laughed about as an adult. Or at least Harriet had thought so. He couldn’t quite do it, though. Couldn’t quite see it as a joke. It had felt too real, too raw and wild and fierce, for him todismiss it even now. It was love, of a sort, stunted and unformed as it was. For a time, it had kept him sane. Amelia Mangan
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Hey, ” he said. “Hi.” Oh, damn. It was awkward.“ What’re you doing?”“ Shearing a sheep. It’s cold outside, and I need a new hat.” He paused. “You’re joking, right?”“ Yes, Marshall.” I gnawed on my fingers some more and sunk back in my chair. Chanelle Gray
Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy...
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Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy on suppressing the urge to tell some of the people who are staring at them that they do not eat as much and as frequently as they seem to. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but...
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Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke. Joss Whedon
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Jack didn’t fully get Jesus. Audrey tried to explain it, and he could repeat it back to her, word for word, but he still didn’t comprehend most of it. The best he could gather was that Jesus lived long ago, told people to be nice, and they killed him for it. At the end, he asked who was Jesus’ necromancer and if he was in the Bible, then Kaldar couldn’t stop laughing and had to sit down. Ilona Andrews
It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by...
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It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You are more likely to find three TVs inside a...
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You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that is or was not read to pass an exam, to please God, or to be a better cook. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
One of the most common and most dangerous misbeliefs is...
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One of the most common and most dangerous misbeliefs is that it is impossible for someone to be stupid just because they are a doctor or a lawyer. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When you are unemployed, weekends are seven days long.
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When you are unemployed, weekends are seven days long. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing you to smoke. They seem to think that one day you'll look back and thank them for those precious fifteen seconds they just added to your life. What they don't understand is that those are just fifteen more seconds you can spend hating their guts and plotting revenge. David Sedaris
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When in doubt, poke the beehive with a stick to see if anything interesting flies out. I clapped my hands. 'I had no idea Pit teams had such pretty cheerleaders. Can you do it again, but with more spirit this time? Ilona Andrews
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The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories– and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures. Mark Twain
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The apex of mathematical achievement occurs when two or more fields which were thought to be entirely unrelated turn out to be closely intertwined. Mathematicians have never decided whether they should feel excited or upset by such events. GianCarlo Rota
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Your... Your aura. It's... amazing. It's shining. I mean, it always shines, but today... Well I've never seen anything like it. I didn't expect that after everything that happened.' I shifted around uncomfortably. If I lit up around Dimitri normally, what on earth happened to my aura post-sex? Richelle Mead
The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but...
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The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, "I want to love, I want to live... David Sedaris
Looking but not seeing is the hearing but not understanding...
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Looking but not seeing is the hearing but not understanding of the eye. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
C: What do you get when a giant sneezes? Out...
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C: What do you get when a giant sneezes? Out of the way. - Marigold Jean Ferris
Asia is an entertainment, Europe is a dream, America is...
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Asia is an entertainment, Europe is a dream, America is an imprisonment and Rest is a nightmare. Santosh Kalwar
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I wish the Fallen would just come to us for a change.” Ironically, Fallen Angels dropped from the sky and surrounded us.“ I wish I had a chocolate cake! ” I exclaimed, staring up. No cake appeared, though I did get a few wry glances. Andrew’s body shook with silent laughter while Lucia gaveme raised eyebrows.“ What? It worked for the Fallen Angels. Laura Kreitzer
It is still cheating, even if nobody comes.
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It is still cheating, even if nobody comes. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Me mum always told me the rich was blessed, but I thought she was talkin' about gold." She leaned over to cackle in his ear, then actually patted him on the head as if he was some slavering lapdog. "You might have escaped the gallows, lad, but you was already well hung. Teresa Medeiros
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You know, Mac, ”Cadmus said still looking out the window. “We may have to work on the way we tell our story …apparently it’s not amusing enough.” “I’ll try to include a joke between ‘he bled to death’and ‘the city burned’.” Machaon responded tersely. Sulari Gentill
Please ejaculate
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Please ejaculate", I silently urged the man, "so I can go to sleep". (In this way I imagine I was like millions of women before me Jon Ronson
My maid never sweeps under the bed so I asked...
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My maid never sweeps under the bed so I asked her to do so today. Found a pen, three pairs of shoes and the man I had lost two years ago. Sanhita Baruah
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In Science don't confound Normal static electricity To ecstatic eccentricity. Here is what I found: Electric charges As they rise up your hair In contrast with a discharge, Rarity leaves you up in the air! Ana Claudia Antunes
One can never have enough socks,
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One can never have enough socks, " said Dumbledore. "Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books. J.k. Rowling
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Most people do not mind having a house that is smaller and/or a car that is cheaper than their neighbours’, as long as they each earn and have more money than their neighbours, and, equally important, their neighbours know that. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We have glorified wealth and freedom so much that it...
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We have glorified wealth and freedom so much that it is impossible for most of us to truly believe that a man can truly be happy in a shack or within the confines of a prison cell. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Wealth seldom fails to breed the fear of poverty.
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Wealth seldom fails to breed the fear of poverty. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Even those who want to go to heaven would rather...
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Even those who want to go to heaven would rather kill than be killed. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that...
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We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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I like to prowl ordinary places. I feel sorry for us all or glad for us allcaught alive togetherand awkward in that way.there's nothing better than the jokeof usthe seriousness of usthe dullness of us Charles Bukowski
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Given these differences between the sexes, the sexual revolution was the biggest joke men ever played on women. By convincing them that the old rules didn’t apply and that two could play the predator game, men enticed women to do what men have always wanted women to do. But what a price was paid for the new “freedom.” And predictably, women were the ones who got stuck with the bill. James C. Dobson
Conversation of the Day -He: How do you describe yourself...
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Conversation of the Day -He: How do you describe yourself in two words? Me: You don't. Sanhita Baruah
If u want to work in Corporate, then u should...
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If u want to work in Corporate, then u should know how to play Chess. Honeya
The average adult hates being treated like a child, unless...
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The average adult hates being treated like a child, unless it suits them. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We would not be ashamed of doing some of the...
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We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private, if the number of sane human beings who do them in public were large enough. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Unrequited love is a billion times less intolerable than unrequited...
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Unrequited love is a billion times less intolerable than unrequited hate. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if...
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There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive,...
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Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with whom they want or wanted to have sex. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Death would not surprise us as often as it does,...
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Death would not surprise us as often as it does, if we let go of the misbelief that newborns are less mortal than the elderly. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
He with the cleanest clothes isn’t necessarily the cleanest.
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He with the cleanest clothes isn’t necessarily the cleanest. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Because he has finally realized that it is it and...
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Because he has finally realized that it is it and not him that is loved by the woman he loves, many a man is jealous of his own car, house, wardrobe, or salary. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if...
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Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We are sometimes depressed by our failure to convince people...
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We are sometimes depressed by our failure to convince people who strongly believe that we are that we are definitely not depressed. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Every single person is a fool, insane, a failure, or...
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Every single person is a fool, insane, a failure, or a bad person to at least ten people. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by...
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We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Nothing is as irritating to a shy man as a...
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Nothing is as irritating to a shy man as a confident girl. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Even the world’s greatest actor cannot fake an erection.
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Even the world’s greatest actor cannot fake an erection. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people...
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Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an...
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Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some women have kissed–and some are kissing–a lot of frogs,...
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Some women have kissed–and some are kissing–a lot of frogs, even though the very first man that they have each kissed was and is still a prince. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The least we each ought to do for someone who...
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The least we each ought to do for someone who treats us like a king or a queen is to treat them like a prince or a princess. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Saying that you do not remember something or someone is...
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Saying that you do not remember something or someone is a less embarrassing or hurtful way of saying that you do not know it or them anymore. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people wouldn’t still be sane, if they were not...
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Some people wouldn’t still be sane, if they were not religious or superstitious; some wouldn’t be disabled or dead. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Many a man was caused to perish by something that...
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Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people...
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Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people who, instead of their mouths, have prayed with their hands and/or feet. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem...
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Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When you are suffering from sexual starvation, a spank or...
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When you are suffering from sexual starvation, a spank or even a hug seems like a porn scene. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
There probably was a time when the idea of having...
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There probably was a time when the idea of having a toilet inside a house was repulsive. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate.
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Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
There would be fewer absent fathers, if straight men were...
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There would be fewer absent fathers, if straight men were turned on only by women with whom they would not mind having children. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope...
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Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A tie is what you get after ice cubes have...
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A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
An arrogant man whose arrogance we see from his own...
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An arrogant man whose arrogance we see from his own behaviour is more tolerable than a humble man whose humility we hear of from his own mouth. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people ate less food less often when they each...
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Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people would not be dead if they have not...
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Some people would not be dead if they have not gotten the things or people they had prayed for. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people would not have remained with their partners, if the unfortunate things that have happened to them had happened to their partners, or if the fortunate things that have happened to their partners had happened to them. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone...
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Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that...
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Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thanks to bad graphic design, some readers love only the...
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Thanks to bad graphic design, some readers love only the electronic version of some books. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in...
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Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while...
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Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people are each envious of the person they used...
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Some people are each envious of the person they used to be. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We the living are to blame for the painfulness of...
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We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I do not have a problem with people killing themselves,...
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I do not have a problem with people killing themselves, as long as they took at least a hundred years to think about what they are about to do. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Finding out that you are not your lover’s only lover...
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Finding out that you are not your lover’s only lover hurts, but not as much as discovering that you are the side chick … or the side dick. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We think we like or love some people until we...
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We think we like or love some people until we see them regularly. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We sometimes try to impress people we just met by...
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We sometimes try to impress people we just met by not trying to impress them. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want...
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You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as...
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Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most people who are would each not be in love...
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Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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The fact that you have just buried your parent or parents and/or sibling or siblings does not make you less likely to die today. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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The only real reason that some relationships and marriages have not yet been ended is because in each case one of the partners has not yet found their ideal partner or someone they love or at least like. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that...
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Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To increase the chances of a writer trying to kill...
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To increase the chances of a writer trying to kill themselves, cut off their hands. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some men’s chests are more buttlike than some women’s butts.
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Some men’s chests are more buttlike than some women’s butts. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people wish they were as happy as or happy...
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Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are. Mokokoma Mokhonoana