60 Quotes About Husband

Husbands aren’t always the easiest people to live with. While we love spending time with them and want to make them happy, they can often drive us crazy. Here’s a list of funny husband quotes that will help you see the humor in everyday life.

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow,...
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I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. William Shakespeare
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I disapprove of matrimony as a matter of principle.... Why should any independent, intelligent female choose to subject herself to the whims and tyrannies of a husband? I assure you, I have yet to meet a man as sensible as myself! (Amelia Peabody) Elizabeth Peters
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Yes, faith; it is my cousin's duty to make curtsy and say 'Father, as it please you.' But yet for all that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else make another curtsy and say 'Father, as it please me. William Shakespeare
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LEONATOWell, then, go you into hell? B E A T R I C E No, but to the gate; and there will the devil meet me, like an old cuckold, with horns on his head, and say 'Get you to heaven, Beatrice, get you to heaven; here's no place for you maids:' so deliver I up my apes, and away to Saint Peter for the heavens; he shows me where the bachelors sit, and there live we as merry as the day is long. William Shakespeare
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LEONATOWell, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband. B E A T R I C E Not till God make men of some other metal than earth. Would it not grieve a woman to be overmastered with a pierce of valiant dust? to make an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl? No, uncle, I'll none: Adam's sons are my brethren; and, truly, I hold it a sin to match in my kindred. William Shakespeare
If [God] send me no husband, for the which blessing...
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If [God] send me no husband, for the which blessing I am at him upon my knees every morning and evening ... William Shakespeare
Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily...
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Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by our mothers, or vice versa. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people are each holding on to a lover of theirs who no longer loves them and/or who they no longer love, only because they do not want to have a reason or another reason to be jealous of the person who would eventually be their lover if they let go of them. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A relationship is likely to last way longer, if each...
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A relationship is likely to last way longer, if each partner convinces or has convinced themselves that they do not deserve their partner, even if that is not true. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people will hate you for not loving them. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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The fact that the person who you are sleeping with is also sleeping with another person or other people does not necessarily mean that he or she does not love you. And the fact that you are the only person who someone is sleeping with does not necessarily mean that he or she loves you. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Being divorced does not necessarily make one’s advice on marriage...
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Being divorced does not necessarily make one’s advice on marriage useless … or useful. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Women writers make for rewarding (and efficient) lovers. They are...
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Women writers make for rewarding (and efficient) lovers. They are clever liars to fathers and husbands; yet they never hold their tongues too long, nor keep ardent typing fingers still. Roman Payne
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Daughter! Get you an honest Man for a Husband, and keep him honest. No matter whether he is rich, provided he be independent. Regard the Honour and moral Character of the Man more than all other Circumstances. Think of no other Greatness but that of the soul, no other Riches but those of the Heart. An honest, Sensible humane Man, above all the Littlenesses of Vanity, and Extravagances of Imagination, labouring to do good rather than be rich, to be usefull rather than make a show, living in a modest Simplicity clearly within his Means and free from Debts or Obligations, is really the most respectable Man in Society, makes himself and all about him the most happy. John Adams
Empowering Women 101-- A strong women knows that cheating isn't...
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Empowering Women 101-- A strong women knows that cheating isn't a mistake it's a choice. The choice was made long before you found out. Shannon L. Alder
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Quick dinner with. . Ang [Lee] and his wife Jane who's visiting with the children for a while. We talked about her work as a microbiologist and the behaviour of the epithingalingie under the influence of cholesterol. She's fascinated by cholesterol. Says it's very beautiful: bright yellow. She says Ang is wholly uninterested. He has no idea what she does. I check this out for myself. 'What does Jane do?' I ask.' Science, ' he says vaguely. Emma Thompson
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I think people need to recognize that those of us who have been so much influenced by violence in the media- in particular pornographic violence- are not some kinds of inherent monsters. We are your sons, and we are your husbands. And we grew up in regular families. James C. Dobson
There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if...
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There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Because he has finally realized that it is it and...
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Because he has finally realized that it is it and not him that is loved by the woman he loves, many a man is jealous of his own car, house, wardrobe, or salary. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that...
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Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as beautiful as she is). Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you...
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Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you almost always have to remind your partner to miss you (and/or they almost always have to remind you to miss them). Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Many a woman is in a relationship with or married...
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Many a woman is in a relationship with or married to her man not because she loves him but only because she likes men like him. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Wherever you find a great man, you will find a great mother or a great wife standing behind him -- or so they used to say. It would be interesting to know how many great women have had great fathers and husbands behind them. Dorothy L. Sayers
How many women are there. .. who because of their...
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How many women are there. .. who because of their husbands' harshness spend their weary lives in the bond of marriage in greater suffering than if they were slaves among the Saracens? Christine De Pizan
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The moment you have to recruit people to put another person down, in order to convince someone of your value is the day you dishonor your children, your parents and your God. If someone doesn't see your worth the problem is them, not people outside your relationship. Shannon L. Alder
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An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do. Jane Austen
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This people know where their husbands are. I would like to vomit. I would like to vomit my soul out. Suzanne Finnamore
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Wives?" she asked, interrupting him. For a moment, he had assumed she was tuning to the novel. Then he saw her waiting, suspicious eyes, so he replied cautiously, "None active, " as if wives were volcanoes. Unknown
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He had to get inside. It was essential that he know everything, the routes she took, her schedule, and the lay of the land. The silver moon glowed overhead, mocking him. Somewhere in the trees an owl hooted its laughter at his failure. Randy--from Spring Cleaning--Coming Summer 2012 Brandi Salazar
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[I]t is dangerous for a bride to be apologetic about her husband. Wallace Stegner
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Besides what endless brawls by wives are bred, The curtain lecture makes a mournful bed. Juvenal
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Being called ‘love’ or ‘my love’ by someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you are loved or even liked by them. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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When you love someone, you end up caring about each and every person they love. When you hate someone, you end up caring about every single person who hates them. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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To the bachelor, the language of women is mystery. In those matters, a married man is already a scholar Bangambiki Habyarimana
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An ‘usband should be plain enough to sit at his settle, and simple-minded enough to accept the stew on his plate, rather than looking round ev’ry corner for a more succulent chop, ’ declares Elsie. Emmanuelle De Maupassant
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Do you ever get a panicky feeling that nobody cares if you live or die? (A husband will often care decisively, one way or another.) Sandra Gould
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I married my first husband for love, my second husband for adventure, and my third husband for laffs. Carolyn V. Hamilton
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The goal of priestly ministry is to do good to the souls of men. Samuel E. Waldron
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I'm surrounded by men substituting presence for paper and power Females whose foundation is filtering their flaws for fame Children teared up by more issues than tissues to on tear up Leaders promising yester year promises whilst subjects smoke lies like crack Husbands not ashamed to break their own rib giving dogs a good run for that bone Fiends disguised as friends with loyalty as strong as spaghetti Families turned into factories, do as you're told, cave into the mold, become like the rest pf the fold Society nonchalant, busy growing a beard, blind to it's beastly reality . Evy Michaels
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My brothers, we have a special and distinct role as Christian men, fathers, husbands, and leaders in the family, in the Church, and in society at large. If we don’t step up, we run the risk of seeing our families overrun and absorbed by the surrounding culture. This is not acceptable. Start with prayer. Be faithful, be consistent, have courage, show humility, and remember . we are made for a heavenly home and not this world. . Randy Hain
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The most important quality in the man you decide to marry should be the ability to make you laugh. Beauty fades, careers end, money comes and goes, religions change, children grow up and move away, spouses get sick, struggles happen, family members die, senility sets in when your older, but the ability to make you giggle every day is the most precious gift God can give you to get through all of it. Shannon L. Alder
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Do whatever you must do to protect your children and wife. Andrew Galasetti
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I have leveled with the girls - from Anchorage to Amarillo.I tell them that all marriages are happy It's the living together afterward that's tough. I tell them that a good marriage is not a gift, It's an achievement.that marriage is not for kids It takes guts and maturity. It separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls. I tell them that marriage is tested dily by the ability to compromise. Its survival can depend on being smart enough to know what's worth fighting about. Or making an issue of or even mentioning. Marriage is giving - and more important, it's forgiving. And it is almost always the wife who must do these things. Then, as if that were not enough, she must be willing to forget what she forgave. Often that is the hardest part. Oh, I have leveled all right. If they don't get my message, Buster, It's because they don't want to get it. Rose-colored glasses are never made in bifocals Because nobody wants to red the small print in dreams. . Ann Landers
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It has always been simple, but making it hard was always your way of avoiding pain. If you want to change your life, you have to change what you are doing. It wasn't his fault, her fault, their fault or the circumstances. It was your inability to choose. So, life chose for you. Somewhere in that crazy mind of yours time stopped. You thought someone would rescue you, but they didn't. You have to rescue yourself. This is not a fire you can put out; you have to walk through it, in order to reach life. Getting burned is apart of growth, didn't you know?. Shannon L. Alder
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Some people each left their spouse or lover because he or she was no longer the primary source of their happiness; some, because their spouse or lover was, at that time, the primary source of their unhappiness. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Your husband this morning! Mine tonight! What do you take him for?'' A man' smiled Cynthia. 'And therefore, if you won't let me call him changeable, I'll coin a word and call him consolable. Elizabeth Gaskell
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You will know if you are on the right path when God directs your choices, not your spouse or significant other. Shannon L. Alder
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A man of worth is a man that sees the worth in others more than himself. Shannon L. Alder
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...every year for decades there had been great excitement over the Largest Vegetable competition ("That would be my husband", was the standard comment). G.M. Malliet
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If the Pentateuch is inspired, the civilization of of our day is a mistake and crime. There should be no political liberty. Heresy should be trodden out beneath the bigot's brutal feet. Husbands should divorce their wives at will, and make the mothers of their children houseless and weeping wanderers. Polygamy ought to be practiced; women should become slaves; we should buy the sons and daughters of the heathen and make them bondmen and bondwomen forever. We should sell our own flesh and blood, and have the right to kill our slaves. Men and women should be stoned to death for laboring on the seventh day. 'Mediums, ' such as have familiar spirits, should be burned with fire. Every vestige of mental liberty should be destroyed, and reason's holy torch extinguished in the martyr's blood. Robert G. Ingersoll
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Husbands and wives need to return regularly to the kinds of romantic activities that drew them together in the first place. James C. Dobson
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Empowered Women 101: If they made you an option you will always be an option vs. the person they really wanted. Don't ever settle for someone that makes you go through hell only to stay with you because they don't have the confidence to go get what they really want. Fear will always follow your rules when they know they don't have options that make them stay comfortable. You won't grow real love in this type of a relationship. You will water weeds and call it a garden. Shannon L. Alder
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I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night. Marie Corelli
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I'm going to marry him. And if he thinks he can get divorced and married every two or three years in the approved Hollywood fashion, well, he never made a bigger mistake in his life. He's going to marry and stick to me. Agatha Christie
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Here, drink your liqueur, " Henry said, tossing back her drink. "I carry it with me everywhere because it's the only kind of drink that Leo doesn't like, so there's a chance I'll still have some tomorrow. Eloisa James
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Why?” she whispered. “Why should I dance with you?”“ Because I love you. Because I love you so much I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it go differently this time.”.. "Because we should be a married couple, because I never wanted to not be married to you. Because all these men out here dancing with their wives can’t possibly love them as much as I love you. Because for me, there is only one woman, and I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re it. Erin McCarthy
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Marriage is not 'I', its 'We'. Amit Kalantri
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Empowered Women 101: A confident woman doesn't have to talk a man into loving her. He either loves her completely, not enough or not at all. Regardless, she doesn't settle for less than she deserves. Shannon L. Alder