200+ Best Humorou Quotes And Sayings

Humor is a great way to lift the spirits and make life a little easier. Our world is full of stressful situations and it can be hard to stay positive when we’re faced with adversity. The list below has some of the best and most hilarious quotes which can bring a smile to your face and help you get through the day.

1
I only have so much willpower, Helen, " he whispered. "And since you apparently sleep in the most ridiculously transparent tank top I've ever seen, I'm going to have to ask you to get under the covers before I do something stupid. Josephine Angelini
I strive for perfection - I settle for satisfaction
2
I strive for perfection - I settle for satisfaction Carroll Bryant
The better organized the state, the duller its humanity.
3
The better organized the state, the duller its humanity. David Mitchell
Quest assignments are never wrong.
4
Quest assignments are never wrong. Page Wisher
5
I'm infatuated with you, I cannot deny it. Physically speaking, you're a very attractive man. But I don't like you, the vast majority of the time. So far as I can gather, you behave abominably in public and are only marginally better in private. I only find you remotely tolerable when you're kissing me. Tessa Dare
She shook her head as she confessed,
6
She shook her head as she confessed, "I want it so much, I'm afraid to hope." "Never be afraid to hope, " Rohan said gently. "It's the only way to begin." -Rohan to Win Lisa Kleypas
7
He had had a severe shock some weeks earlier, when, having narrowly failed to capture a large grey-brown hare for his dinner, it had stopped at the edge of the forest, looked at him with disdain, and said, 'Well, I hope you're proud of yourself, that's all, ' and had scampered off into the long grass Neil Gaiman
8
I'm going to do something bigger and better, bigger and betterand bolder, but first, I'm going to do somethingsmaller and worse. JonArno Lawson
I'm dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ. We...
9
I'm dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ. We worshiped a God named Sashatiba, who had five eyes, including one on the Adam's apple. David Sedaris
I know that not all my readers like my digressions,...
10
I know that not all my readers like my digressions, but the research that has been done on Caenorhabditis elegans is such a ringing triumph of science that you aren't going to stop me. Richard Dawkins
I don't think I'd want Mickey Mouse pimping for me...
11
I don't think I'd want Mickey Mouse pimping for me anyway. Haruki Murakami
12
It commenced raining one day and did not stop for two months. We went through ever different kind of rain they is, cep'n maybe sleet or hail. It was little tiny stinging rain sometimes, an big ole fat rain at others. It came sidewise an straight down an sometimes even seem to stand up from the ground. Nevertheless, we was expected to do our shit, which was mainly walking upland down the hills an stuff looking for gooks. Winston Groom
Eye Amost Evr Spel Ah Werd Wong Annymoe, sinc eye...
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Eye Amost Evr Spel Ah Werd Wong Annymoe, sinc eye goat alto pel James Hauenstein
I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women...
14
I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships. Gilda Radner
You are not permitted to kill a woman who has...
15
You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. Ambrose Bierce
16
...but once more I say do as you please, for we women are born to this burden of being obedient to our husbands, though they be blockheads Unknown
17
Those who work, knows the strength of labour. Lailah Gifty Akita
18
You won't enjoy it, " sighed Crowley. "It's been in the car for more than a fortnight." A heavy bass beat began to thump through the Bentley as they sped past Heathrow. Aziraphale's brow furrowed. "I don't recognize this, " he said. "What is it?" "It's Tchaikovsky's 'Another One Bites the Dust', " said Crowley, closing his eyes as they went through Slough. To while away the time as they crossed the sleeping Chilterns, they also listened to William Byrd's "We Are the Champions" and Beethoven's "I Want To Break Free." Neither were as good as Vaughan Williams's "Fat-Bottomed Girls. Terry Pratchett
19
I wanted to write in Kitchenese, the secret language of cooks, instantly recognizable to anyone who has ever dunked french fries for a summer job or suffered under the despotic rule of a tyrannical chef or boobish owner. Anthony Bourdain
20
Nigromanta took him to her room, which was lighted with false candlesticks, to her folding cot with the bedding stained from bad loves, and to her body of a wild dog, hardened and without a soul, which prepared itsself to dismiss him as if he were a frightened child, and suddenly it found a man whose tremendous power demanded a movement of seismic readjustment from her insides. Unknown