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You! You tricked me! I never want to see you or that bottle of liquid arsenic again! ” I chucked the empty moonshine jug at him. Or tried to. It missed him by a dozen feet. He picked it up in astonishment. “You drank the whole bloody thing? You were only supposed to have a few sips! ”“ Did you say that? Did you?” He reached me just as I felt the ground tip. “Didn’t say anything. I’ve got those names, so that’s all that matters, but you men…you’re all alike. Alive, dead, undead–all perverts! I had a drunken pervert in my pants! Do you know how unsanitary that is?” Bones held me upright. I would have protested, but I couldn’t remember how to. “What are you saying?”“ Winston poltergeisted my panties, that’s what! ” I announced with a loud hiccup.“ Why, you scurvy, lecherous spook! ” Bones yelled in the direction of the cemetery. “If my pipes still worked, I’d go right back there and piss on your grave! .Jeaniene Frost
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Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go.George R.r. Martin
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What were you thinking?" I demanded once we were moving to the music. I was trying to ignore his hands. "Do you know how much trouble you may have gotten me in?" Adrian grinned. "Nah. They all feel bad for you. You'll achieve martyrdom after dancing with a mean, wicked vampire. Job security with the Alchemists.Richelle Mead
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Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy on suppressing the urge to tell some of the people who are staring at them that they do not eat as much and as frequently as they seem to.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that is or was not read to pass an exam, to please God, or to be a better cook.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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One of the most common and most dangerous misbeliefs is that it is impossible for someone to be stupid just because they are a doctor or a lawyer.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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I’m twenty-four, a first grade teacher, have a Yorkie named Pedro, a goldfish named Fish, have never had sex, or a serious boyfriend, and I’m the town lesbian who pukes when she sees a pussy. Nothing really to be jealous of at all.H.J. Bellus
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Did those nice church ladies come by again?" He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else.Ilona Andrews
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I'm a little bit naked, but that's okay.Lady Gaga
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Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?' Minho asked..." Go ahead, " Newt replied. Minho nodded and faced the crowd. 'Be careful, ' he said dryly. 'Don't die.' Thomas would have laughed if he could, but he was too scared for it to come out.' Great. We're all bloody inspired, ' Newt answered.James Dashner
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Dearest Annie, Roses are red. Violets are blue. I’m using my hand But I’m thinking of you. - Ronan P.S. Just to clarify, I’m using my hand to write this note…get your mind out of the gutter.L.H. Cosway
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Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM!Rick Riordan
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Oh- and grab the plastic bag over by my suitcase." I slug down the last of the coffee and get up. The bag contains panty hose. I put them on her desk." They're for you."" You want me to look homeless, desperate, but also kind of fabulous?Holly Black
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June cackled with delight, muttering, "Whoops! " as a car almost killed them.Rick Riordan
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Yes, I kidnapped that Lindberg baby.Chuck Palahniuk
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I can't see anything" he said in a muffled voice, hand over his eyes. "I'm blind.L.j. Smith
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She's in the Catskill, " Shopie began, but Scathach reached over and pinched her hand. "Michael Scott
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It wasn’t enough that I had to worry about playing well and winning the game, but I also had to deal with possibility that one of my teammates could be dragged off the field by the inhabitants of the mental hospital.Wes Locher
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I really don’t think you should put your hand inside the manticore, dear. You don’t know where it’s been. –Enid HealySeanan McGuire
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Have they built cities on the moon?" another boy asked hopefully." We left some garbage and a flag there in the sixties, but thats about it.Ransom Riggs
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Okay, well I think the programme is like being screamed at for an hour by a drunk with a strobe-light, but like I said--David Nicholls
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How are we going to get out of here?"" Oh, escape is easy once you have the rightDerek Landy
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Looking but not seeing is the hearing but not understanding of the eye.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Bombs Away! " he yelled, swooping low over StregaSchloss. He saw little figures on the ground fleeing from the large green projectile that was speeding their way. "And a direct hit, if I'm not mistaken, " he observed to himself. With a tremendous slapping sound, Ffup's digestive overload landed on a human target. There was a scream, a ghastly choking sound, and then silence.Debi Gliori
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I don't know, ' he said irritably. 'Is it meant to improve you?' She swiveled toward him, eyes wide with shock.' Because nothing could, ' he added. Her mouth dropped in astonishment. Blotchy scarlet rushed her complexion. One would have thought he'd shot her. Oh dear God! He realized belatedly how wrong it had sounded.' No! God.. that is to say. nothing is necessary to improve you. Nothing could possibly make you better.. than you already are. .Julie Anne Long
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Neythen looked perplexed. 'My mum always said I'm named after a saint, not an illness.'' Which one?'' Well he had his head chopped off, see? And then he picked it up and carried it down the road a time. All the way back home, I think.'' Messy, ' Piers said. 'Not to mention unlikely, though one has to think of chickens and their post-mortal abilities. Did she think that you would inherit the same gift?' Neythen blinked. 'No, my lord.'' Perhaps she was just hopeful. It behooves mothers to look ahead to this sort of possibility, after all. I'm tempted to behead you just to see if she was right. Sometimes the most unlikely superstitions turn out to have a basis in fact.Eloisa James
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Piers looked up at him. 'You're new. What's your name?' 'Neythen, my lord.'' Sounds like a terrible illness. No, more like a bowel problem. I'm sorry, Lord Sandys, your son has contracted neythen and won't live a month. No, no, there's nothing I can do. Sandys would have preferred hearing that to syphilis.Eloisa James
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It is still cheating, even if nobody comes.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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You Sure this is it?" I said. "It looks empty."" Empty? No way, there's loads of shit in there, " worm repliedRansom Riggs
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Sei: The Kudzu snacks were so good I had two and a half bowls but seeing you eat 16 and a half bowls was disgusting. I sriously considered killing you. Okita: You're horrible! Besides then I'd bleed Kudzu snacks! Sei: NOO! STOP! ! ! I CAN SEE IT! ! I'LL HAVE NIGHTMARES! !Taeko Watanabe
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If you want to know what the camel stole from your kitchen yesterday, then you shouldn;t slit open its stomach. You should stare into its arsehole.Jussi AdlerOlsen
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Taken from the dedication in my debut novel Exactly 23 days. To honour all women on International Women's day. For women everywhere: When you know you are finally mended, spread the word, hold out your hand, share some love from your heart and some laughter from your soul and be there for a new member of the sisterhood who needs your help. Let's all help our sisters worldwide to stand tall and know, they can and they will recover, survive and thrive, to live the life they deserve. To all the sisters who reached out and held my hand in whatever way you could, who cried my tears with me, and laughter my laughter too, I thank every one of you. I survived.Jayne Higgins
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You see that girl, she looks so happy right? But inside she's dying. She's hurt and tired. Tired of all the drama, tired of not being good enough, tired of life. But she doesn't want to look dramatic, weak or attention seeking so she keeps it all inside. Act's like everything's perfect but she cries at night, boy does she cry at night, so that everybody thinks she is the happiest person they know, that she has no problems and her life is perfect. Little do they know.Jayne Higgins
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Because daytime leaves vampires less than, well, conscious, I told him, “Take your muffins to Boston and shut it, Terrance.” And then I hung up on him.Molly Harper
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She looks me dead in the face and says, “The safe word is going to be ‘immigration, ’ because you know I’ll stop it.Kayti McGee
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Two passing jetliners reported to controllers they’d seen a man with a gun seated on a deck chair at eleven thousand feet…Tom Magliozzi
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Most people do not mind having a house that is smaller and/or a car that is cheaper than their neighbours’, as long as they each earn and have more money than their neighbours, and, equally important, their neighbours know that.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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We have glorified wealth and freedom so much that it is impossible for most of us to truly believe that a man can truly be happy in a shack or within the confines of a prison cell.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Wealth seldom fails to breed the fear of poverty.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Even those who want to go to heaven would rather kill than be killed.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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The average adult hates being treated like a child, unless it suits them.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private, if the number of sane human beings who do them in public were large enough.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Unrequited love is a billion times less intolerable than unrequited hate.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with whom they want or wanted to have sex.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Death would not surprise us as often as it does, if we let go of the misbelief that newborns are less mortal than the elderly.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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He with the cleanest clothes isn’t necessarily the cleanest.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Because he has finally realized that it is it and not him that is loved by the woman he loves, many a man is jealous of his own car, house, wardrobe, or salary.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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We are sometimes depressed by our failure to convince people who strongly believe that we are that we are definitely not depressed.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Every single person is a fool, insane, a failure, or a bad person to at least ten people.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Nothing is as irritating to a shy man as a confident girl.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Even the world’s greatest actor cannot fake an erection.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some women have kissed–and some are kissing–a lot of frogs, even though the very first man that they have each kissed was and is still a prince.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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The least we each ought to do for someone who treats us like a king or a queen is to treat them like a prince or a princess.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Saying that you do not remember something or someone is a less embarrassing or hurtful way of saying that you do not know it or them anymore.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people wouldn’t still be sane, if they were not religious or superstitious; some wouldn’t be disabled or dead.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people who, instead of their mouths, have prayed with their hands and/or feet.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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When you are suffering from sexual starvation, a spank or even a hug seems like a porn scene.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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There probably was a time when the idea of having a toilet inside a house was repulsive.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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There would be fewer absent fathers, if straight men were turned on only by women with whom they would not mind having children.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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An arrogant man whose arrogance we see from his own behaviour is more tolerable than a humble man whose humility we hear of from his own mouth.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people would not be dead if they have not gotten the things or people they had prayed for.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people would not have remained with their partners, if the unfortunate things that have happened to them had happened to their partners, or if the fortunate things that have happened to their partners had happened to them.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Thanks to bad graphic design, some readers love only the electronic version of some books.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people are each envious of the person they used to be.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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I do not have a problem with people killing themselves, as long as they took at least a hundred years to think about what they are about to do.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Finding out that you are not your lover’s only lover hurts, but not as much as discovering that you are the side chick … or the side dick.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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We think we like or love some people until we see them regularly.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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We sometimes try to impress people we just met by not trying to impress them.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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The fact that you have just buried your parent or parents and/or sibling or siblings does not make you less likely to die today.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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The only real reason that some relationships and marriages have not yet been ended is because in each case one of the partners has not yet found their ideal partner or someone they love or at least like.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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To increase the chances of a writer trying to kill themselves, cut off their hands.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some men’s chests are more buttlike than some women’s butts.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Not every single way of saying the right thing is right.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Death would be an extremely bad thing like most of us paint it, if being dead were painful.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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After a certain point, all natural bodily changes are for the worst.Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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Some people love but will never marry each other. Some are married to but have never loved and will never love each other.Mokokoma Mokhonoana