100 Quotes About Healing Insight

Everyone experiences loss at some point. Some of us lose people we love, while others lose things we owned or things we’ve worked for. We all feel pain when we lose someone, but when we lose ourselves it can be almost unbearable. If you’re struggling to cope with the loss of a loved one, or if you’re just in a bad place in general, these healing quotes and insights will help you find strength and hope.

1
It isn’t violence that can break through our hearts. It isn’t force that binds us and keeps us together. Only tenderness has the power to accomplish what the fullness of love desires to do. Tenderness that approaches us little by little, and handles our feelings with the deepest affection and delight. Tenderness that is willing to wait for the right time until we are ready and we are no longer afraid. Jocelyn Soriano
2
Even the smallest shift in perspective can bring about the greatest healing. Joshua Kai
3
There is a moment in our healing journey when our denial crumbles; we realize our experience and it's continued effects on us won't "just go away". That's our breakthrough moment. It's the sun coming out to warm the seeds of hope so they can grow our personal garden of empowerment. Jeanne McElvaney
If you did not live lovingly and love deeply, you...
4
If you did not live lovingly and love deeply, you would not feel the pain of separation. But neither would you feel the joy, passion, and happiness that living fully and loving deeply bring. Susan Barbara Apollon
Love is a powerful force. There is nothing in this...
5
Love is a powerful force. There is nothing in this world, no other energy, as powerful as the force of genuine, unconditional love. Susan Barbara Apollon
May you know always that you are never alone, that...
6
May you know always that you are never alone, that life and love are eternal, and that you are extraordinary. Susan Barbara Apollon
7
I have been blessed by those I cannot see, but whose presence I feel. I know that I am not alone and hope that you, too, will find that, even in the most difficult situations, you are fully supported by the universe. All that is required is that you ask for help. It is there waiting for you. Susan Barbara Apollon
There is an old phrase, ‘hiding in plain sight.’ This...
8
There is an old phrase, ‘hiding in plain sight.’ This is where we find the loved one we miss so much. All we need to do is open our eyes, our minds, and our hearts. Susan Barbara Apollon
9
Hope comes in the form of synchronicities. When one even occurs and is followed by another, which is in complete alignment with the first, we sense we are not alone. We know, intuitively throughout our beings, that what we are experiencing is the universe lovingly embracing us. Susan Barbara Apollon
10
Give yourself permission to see and feel the extraordinary events in your own life. In internalizing them, you also will find your perspective about life and its meaning will change, resulting in growth and expansion of your soul. Susan Barbara Apollon
11
Loss pushes us to difficult places where we have not been before. We often question whether or not we have the courage and stamina to survive the pain. However, we often are given gifts that tell us that we are not alone and that we can withstand the journey. Susan Barbara Apollon
12
When we learn to attribute meaning to the events in our lives, we connect with our Higher Purpose, Higher Wisdom, or Source; we become Master of the Self. A gradual process, this is often tied to loss and to love. Susan Barbara Apollon
What is hope? Like love, it is hard to define,...
13
What is hope? Like love, it is hard to define, but easy to recognize, a state of being that compels us to go on. It is a feeling that we have what we need to continue our journey to the next moment. Susan Barbara Apollon
15
When we understand the illusory nature of life and the profound power of eternal love, which enables us to create miracles and experience the presence of our deceased loved ones, we find ourselves living with joy, hope and peace. Susan Barbara Apollon
16
Filling ourselves and living with the energy of love feels wonderful. And because this energy resonates at a high vibrational level, it also attracts into our lives other high, vibrational experiences, many of which feel quite miraculous. Susan Barbara Apollon
Letting go of the belief that we’re powerless to help...
17
Letting go of the belief that we’re powerless to help relieve our own suffering enhances our ability not only to heal but also to genuinely love and receive the love of others. Sharon Salzberg
18
Don’t feel bad about feeling bad. Don’t be frightened of feeling afraid. Don’t be angry about getting angry. There is no need to give up when we are feeling depressed. Nor should we be dismayed at the grief which often accompanies the outgrowing of anything which needs outgrowing. We can be glad that our soul is speaking to us and pushing us onwards. We frequently need to persevere with a period of inner turmoil before the dust can settle and be swept out the door. . Donna Goddard
19
When shame is met with compassion and not received as confirmation of our guilt, we can begin to see how slant a lens it has had us looking through. That awareness lets us step back far enough to see that if we can let it go, we will see ourselves as clean where we once thought we were dirty. We will remember our innocence. We will see how our shame supported a system in which the perpetrators were protected and we bore the brunt of their offense – first in its actuality, then again in carrying their shame for it. If the method we chose to try to beat out shame was perfectionism, we can relax now, shake the burden off our shoulders, and give ourselves a chance to loosen up and make some errors. Hallelujah! Our freedom will not come from tireless effort and getting it all exactly right. Maureen Brady
20
For change to occur in us, we must be willing to enter the wilderness of the unknown and to wander in unfamiliar territory, directionless and often in the darkness.... We do not need to keep every little thing under control. In fact, we find ourselves only by allowing some falling apart to happen. Maureen Brady
21
Learn to observe your emotions without needing to act or distract yourself from them. Within that stillness your truest most vulnerable thoughts will arise and it is these thoughts that will show you where your healing work must begin. Alaric Hutchinson
22
Traumatic events destroy the sustaining bonds between individual and community. Those who have survived learn that their sense of self, of worth, of humanity, depends upon a feeling of connection with others. The solidarity of a group provides the strongest protection against terror and despair, and the strongest antidote to traumatic experience. Trauma isolates; the group re-creates a sense of belonging. Trauma shames and stigmatizes; the group bears witness and affirms. Trauma degrades the victim; the group exalts her. Trauma dehumanizes the victim; the group restores her humanity. Repeatedly in the testimony of survivors there comes a moment when a sense of connection is restored by another person’s unaffected display of generosity. Something in herself that the victim believes to be irretrievably destroyed---faith, decency, courage---is reawakened by an example of common altruism. Mirrored in the actions of others, the survivor recognizes and reclaims a lost part of herself. At that moment, the survivor begins to rejoin the human commonality.. Judith Lewis Herman
23
Those who overcome great challenges will be changed, and often in unexpected ways. For our struggles enter our lives as unwelcome guests, but they bring valuable gifts. And once the pain subsides, the gifts remain. These gifts are life's true treasures, bought at great price, but cannot be acquired in any other way. Steve Goodier
24
Extreme emotional pain has a profound effect on the body. I witnessed my already frail body become even more toxic and plundered. Sharon E. Rainey
25
Healing isn’t just about pain. It’s about learning to love yourself. As you move from feeling like a victim to being a proud survivor, you will have glimmers of hope, pride and satisfaction. Those are natural by-products of healing. Ellen Bass
26
Let go of all your hurts and be healed. Lailah Gifty Akita
27
When someone forces you - he unkindly borrows- he does not, can not own you- Remember your body, spirit and heart are yours and only yours, and when you start to process your sexual abuse you will get it all back. Patti Feuereisen
28
When we first begin to take power more directly, after long having kept our relationship to it underground...it is natural that we experience anxiety, even guilt, at putting ourselves first. These feeling let us know we are taking action; they do not need to stop us. Maureen Brady
29
The bigger the victory, the bigger the battle. Still, be the light and a change agent for healing, restoration and transformation. Germany Kent
30
Society gives the image of sexual violators as weird, ugly, anti-social, alcoholics. Society gives the impression that violators kidnap children are out of their homes and take them to some wooded area and abandon them after the violation. Society gives the impression that everyone hates people who violate children. If all of these myths were true, healing would not be as challenging as it is. Half of our healing is about the actual abuse. The other half is about how survivors fit into society in the face of the myths that people hold in order to make themselves feel safe. The truth is that 80% of childhood sexual abuse is perpetrated by family members. Yet we rarely hear the word “incest”. The word is too ugly and the truth is too scary. Think about what would happen if we ran a campaign to end incest instead of childhood sexual abuse. The number one place that children should know they are safe is in their homes. As it stands, as long as violators keep sexual abuse within the family, the chances of repercussion by anyone is pretty low. Wives won’t leave violating husbands, mothers won’t kick their violating children out of the home, and violating grandparents still get invited to holiday dinners. It is time to start cleaning house. If we stop incest first, then we will strengthen our cause against all sexual abuse. Rosenna Bakari
31
Rikki looked over at me.“ Why now?" she asked, looking back at Arly. “Why is this happening now?"" Hard to say." Arly [therapist] replied. "DID usually gets diagnosed in adulthood. Something happens that triggers the alters to come out. When Cam's father died and he came in to help his brother run the family business he was in close contact with his mother again. Maybe it was seeing Kyle around the same age when some of the abuse happened. Cam was sick for a long time and finally got better. Maybe he wasn't strong enough until now to handle this. It's probably a combination of things. But it sure looks like some of the abuse Cam experienced involved his mother. And sexual abuse by the mother is considered to he one of the most traumatic forms of abuse. In some ways it's the ultimate betrayal. Cameron West
32
We are all damaged. We have all been hurt. We have all had to learn painful lessons. We are all recovering from some mistake, loss, betrayal, abuse, injustice or misfortune. All of life is a process of recovery that never ends. We each must find ways to accept and move through the pain and to pick ourselves back up. For each pang of grief, depression, doubt or despair there is an inverse toward renewal coming to you in time. Each tragedy is an announcement that some good will indeed come in time. Be patient with yourself. Bryant McGill
33
Attitudes and ignorance” about (any type of) abuse can be passed down through the generations. It is important to our healing that we sort out the belief systems we adopt; belief systems that were taught to us and because they are so full of lies, they lead to all kinds of depressions, addictions and other struggles while we try to cope with the manifestations of the problems instead of the roots of the problems. Darlene Ouimet
34
Your prayers for others and the universe make a difference! Susan Barbara Apollon
35
Begin your day, upon awakening, with prayers of gratitude, requests and affirmations that they are being answered–always ending with more gratitude. Susan Barbara Apollon
36
Prayers can be whatever you wish them to be. They can be short or long requests, expressions of gratitude and affirmations that your requests are being honored. Susan Barbara Apollon
37
One of the highest emotions is that of Gratitude… Wherever you are, offer the expression of your awareness of your blessings and how grateful you are for them. Susan Barbara Apollon
38
Prayer is energy. Try to come from a higher, lighter vibration of gratitude and expectation, in place of worry and fear. Susan Barbara Apollon
39
Healing is about making the choice to focus your thoughts on what feels energetically better at the level of your heart. Susan Barbara Apollon
40
Your heart, mind and body–and all your sixty trillion cells–work as a team. When you carefully choose your thoughts and mental images, and focus on what feels comfortable and good for your heart, you shift to a higher level of vibration, which, in turn, bolsters your immune system. Susan Barbara Apollon
41
Affirmations are powerful and wonderful thoughts that serve you, your body, your immune system, your mind, and your spirit. Susan Barbara Apollon
42
Begin your day with gratitude and end your day with gratitude. A heart filled with loving expressions of thanks is a beautiful offering to the universe. Susan Barbara Apollon
43
God is the source of life. Life without God is hopeless. But life with God is an endless hope Lailah Gifty Akita
44
If you can sit with your pain, listen to your pain and respect your pain – in time you will move through your pain. Bryant McGill
45
The Supreme lesson of Life is Love.... Jacqueline Ripstein
46
The hardest thing to ever do is to reveal the naked soul to the world. However, in doing so brings healing, growth, strength, and powerful inspiration! H.E. Olsen
47
I have learned through repeated experiences that in order to heal, I MUST forgive. The forgiveness is not for the transgressor. The forgiveness is for ME. Sharon E. Rainey
48
Forgiveness does not mean I approve of or condone what transpired. Sharon E. Rainey
49
I no longer look to my abusers with any expectation— of remorse, or apology or restitution or restoration or relationship. I’m at peace, accepting that they won’t and can’t help me out of the mess they created. But, I’m the best qualified for that job anyway and I’m happy with the job I’m doing. Christina Enevoldsen
50
Healing is not about moving on or “getting over it, ” it’s about learning to make peace with our pain and finding purpose in our lives again. Shirley Kamisky
51
But the place where we're most broken, most empty of ourselves... is the place where we can be filled in a way that is harder for people who haven't experienced a loss. Laurie Tomlinson
52
Time possesses emotional potency. For persons whom suffer from of bereavement, time possesses a healing capacity. Passage of time cures heartache by dimming the mind’s attunement to painful occurrences. For some people, the passage of time is akin to placing a welcomed physical boundary between themselves and past horrors. Passage of time allows us to forget and the ability to forget is medicinal. Time acts as a mental barrier between our present mental state and the pain that we once felt. Kilroy J. Oldster
53
In the grief that comes with recognizing what happened to us, we often feel there is nowhere to turn for solace… We do things to keep it away, such as becoming overly busy or using drugs or alcohol to numb our feelings. When we are caught up in resistance, we do not feel hope, but when we surrender to our sadness fully, hope trickles in. Maureen Brady
54
Toxic relationships are dangerous to your health; they will literally kill you. Stress shortens your lifespan. Even a broken heart can kill you. There is an undeniable mind-body connection. Your arguments and hateful talk can land you in the emergency room or in the morgue. You were not meant to live in a fever of anxiety; screaming yourself hoarse in a frenzy of dreadful, panicked fight-or-flight that leaves you exhausted and numb with grief. You were not meant to live like animals tearing one another to shreds. Don't turn your hair gray. Don't carve a roadmap of pain into the sweet wrinkles on your face. Don't lay in the quiet with your heart pounding like a trapped, frightened creature. For your own precious and beautiful life, and for those around you – seek help or get out before it is too late. This is your wake-up call! . Bryant McGill
55
The problems presented by difficult individuals contribute to your growth and evolution–another reason for filling yourself with gratitude, appreciation, and love! Susan Barbara Apollon
56
Life should not be an endurance event. No prestigious job, well-appointed house, or luxury vacation is worth your emotional, mental and, yes, physical health. In fact, the abrupt loss of all of these things through a cancer diagnosis can be the wake-up call that forces you to identify and begin correcting the things that aren’t working in your life. Susan Barbara Apollon
57
In order to create a balanced life that excites you and that allows enough time for healthy habits to flourish, you must love yourself. Even then, it probably won’t be realistic to make one big, drastic sweeping change–especially since overcoming cancer will necessarily be occupying much of your energy. That’s fine; baby steps are a lot better than nothing. As long as you’re working toward a better life you’re on the right path. . Susan Barbara Apollon
58
It’s important to cultivate friendships. Whether you are an extrovert or an introvert, as a human you are a social being. For the sake of your mental and emotional health, it’s important to be honest about and honor your need for meaningful connections. Susan Barbara Apollon
59
Every moment of this experience we call a physical life is determined by the choices you make in your thoughts, intentions, and actions. Thus, when you choose to experience a thought, image, or activity from a place of loving, joyful, and compassionate intentions for yourself and others, you have the power to weave a lovely fabric that heals your mind, body, and soul. When you choose differently, the fabric you weave may contribute to an experience of suffering and pain in the form of mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual anguish. The choice is always yours. . Susan Barbara Apollon
60
Because you are an energetic being and your thoughts and feelings are energy, your journey may be compared to an intricately woven fabric. As the weaver of the fabric of your life, you alone decide whether your life will be beautifully intertwined with threads of gold and silver and blended with the colors of the rainbow, or made with strands of straw and cotton in shades of grays, browns, and other dark, heavy colors. Susan Barbara Apollon
61
Many people make their way through life acting as though they are ‘alone.’ They never progress beyond the lower realms of vibrational energy–and thus experience more discord, fear, stress, and ill health–because they don’t allow intuition, higher wisdom, and unconditional (Divine) love to enter into their lives and guide their decisions. Susan Barbara Apollon
62
You raise the level of universal well-being by choosing to focus with gratitude on your blessings. Susan Barbara Apollon
63
Your health, your experiences, and your life do not have to be at the mercy of your negative emotions. When you consciously choose to focus on a thought or belief that is positive, comforting, or hopeful, you’re clearing out that emotional clutter that’s weighing you down. You’re energetically shifting yourself to a better place. Susan Barbara Apollon
64
Your happiness–and your healing–are a function of how you choose to respond on the inside to that which is taking place on the outside. Susan Barbara Apollon
65
You have the power to feel good–or not–just by being conscious of what you choose to think. Choose to focus on hope and healing. Susan Barbara Apollon
66
When you choose self-love, you are reclaiming your awareness of your own power, which raises your vibrational energy and contributes to your healing. Susan Barbara Apollon
67
Focusing on thoughts or images that make you feel good will enable you to be at a higher level energetically and, consequently, will draw to you a higher level of vibrational experience. In other words, positive thoughts will attract positive experiences. The reverse is also true. If you’ve fallen into the habit of negative obsessing and/or fear-based thinking, you need to know that you can shift to a healthier, happier mindset. . Susan Barbara Apollon
68
One of the best things about gratitude is that it serves both you and the one to whom you are giving thanks. When you share your feelings of being blessed and grateful, not only do you vibrate at higher level, but your expression contributes to an increase in the energy of those around you, and especially serves the individual to whom you have expressed your thanks. The result is that you raise the level of universal well-being by choosing to focus with gratitude on your blessings. Susan Barbara Apollon
69
Each person’s journey is different. If something–anything–does not feel right to you, then you alone get to decide whether you will honor it or not. The choice of how to respond to your situation is yours–and will always be yours. Susan Barbara Apollon
70
Healing is anything that restores your inner sense that all is well, and that returns you to a healthy state of empowerment. Susan Barbara Apollon
71
Healing is about wholeness and harmony. I define healing as anything that contributes to you feeling greater balance, harmony, wholeness, and well-being. In other words, you experience healing when you feel good; and healing is what you need any time you feel that you are out of balance–be it tired, stressed, fearful, or worried–or when you sense a disconnection between your mind, body, and spirit. Susan Barbara Apollon
72
Your life is shaped by the thoughts and experiences you choose–and make no mistake, the decision is always yours. I promise, when you learn to be conscious and in control of what you are focusing on, you can begin to create high vibrational experiences, which will transform and heal your life. Susan Barbara Apollon
73
It is when you stop resisting and choose an attitude of acceptance and positivity that you are able to shift your energetic experience to a higher plane and thereby attract and allow in experiences that are more in alignment with your hopes and dreams. Susan Barbara Apollon
74
Negative feelings weigh you down and can keep you from experiencing healing, as surely as stones might weigh you down if you were trying to swim. Susan Barbara Apollon
75
Wellbeing is all about balance. Unfortunately, the normal modern lifestyle (which actually isn’t normal at all) often pushes us away from what’s healthy and manageable, and prompts us to make decisions that overload our bodies and minds. As a society, we are just too busy, too stressed, too consumed with so-called success, too worried about our looks and our image, and not plugged in at all to our spiritual and emotional roots. Susan Barbara Apollon
76
It may seem paradoxical, but you really do experience greater happiness when you choose to stop trying to control everything. And on a spiritual level, you evolve by learning the power of surrender and of love. Susan Barbara Apollon
77
Because we were treated neglectfully and abusively in our young years–when we most needed self-love to be mirrored–it was difficult to hold onto… We take up the challenge of learning to love ourselves, through our highs & our lows, when we are finding acceptance from others and when we are being closed out and rejected. Maureen Brady
78
Then again, he supposed the healing process, in contrast to trauma, was gentle and slow... The soft closing of a door, rather than a slam.- John J.r. Ward
79
In situations of captivity the perpetrator becomes the most powerful person in the life of the victim, and the psychology of the victim is shaped by the actions and beliefs of the perpetrator. Judith Lewis Herman
80
She's terrified that all these sensations and images are coming out of her – but I think she's even more terrified to find out why." Carla's description was typical of survivors of chronic childhood abuse. Almost always, they deny or minimize the abusive memories. They have to: it's too painful to believe that their parents would do such a thing. David L. Calof
81
When you notice someone does something toxic the first time, don't wait for the second time before you address it or cut them off. Many survivors are used to the "wait and see" tactic which only leaves them vulnerable to a second attack. As your boundaries get stronger, the wait time gets shorter. You never have justify your intuition. Shahida Arabi
82
Healing was a terrifying and painful experience and my life was as full of struggle and heartache as it had always been. Several years after I started therapy, I began to feel happy. I was stunned. I hadn't realized that the point of all this work on myself was to feel good. I thought it was just one more struggle in a long line of struggles. It took a while before I got used to the idea that my life had changed, that I felt happy, that I was actually content. Learning to tolerate feeling good is one of the nicest parts of healing. . Ellen Bass
83
As you recover, you will feel more conscious of your surroundings. Freed from the ‘fog’ of your pain, fear, and confusion, you will awaken and see the world revealed as never before. You will begin to observe things, especially yourself. You will be aware of what you do and why you do it. You will begin to observe your own behavior and attitudes. Beverly Engel
84
Our future can be brighter. We know that with the right help, continued treatment, and support we can potentially aim for partial or full integration. Yet even if this is not possible, whatever happens we can move forwards. We can live with the multiplicity of being an us and not a me, a we and not an I. We know that, as we are already living that life. Carol Broad
85
As you heal, you see yourself more realistically. You accept that you are a person with strengths and weaknesses. You make the changes you can in your life and let go of the things that aren’t in your power to change. You learn that every part of you is valuable. And you realize that all of your thoughts and feelings are important, even when they’re painful or difficult. Ellen Bass
86
Everything you need to heal is inside yourself. You only need support and encouragement to listen to yourself–to your thoughts, feelings, imagery, and inner spiritual urgings. A book, like a therapist or group, can only guide you, helping you to say out loud what you dared not say even to yourself. Renee Fredrickson
87
Writing a memoir is a holistic method of learning and healing by placing responsibility for personal transformation on the spiritual authority of the self. Writing a person’s life story is useful to gain a comprehensive understanding regarding a person’s maturation, distinctive stages of personal development, and the influences provided by their family and society. The writing processes also serves as a catharsis for painful personal events that a person seeks to integrate into their transmuting being. Writing our personal story, we discover new dimensions of our being. . Kilroy J. Oldster
88
When you awaken and are self aware, you heal. When you heal, you heal the world. Eileen Anglin
89
Healing happens when we learn how to listen to our body. Your body knows exactly what it needs to be radiantly healthy. Catherine Carrigan
90
Healing happens when we recognize that the world our ego sees is a world of projection. The world our soul perceives is a revelation of great truth, love and beauty. Catherine Carrigan
91
Carla's description was typical of survivors of chronic childhood abuse. Almost always, they deny or minimize the abusive memories. They have to: it's too painful to believe that their parents would do such a thing. So they fragment the memories into hundreds of shards, leaving only acceptable traces in their conscious minds. Rationalizations like "my childhood was rough, " "he only did it to me once or twice, " and "it wasn't so bad" are common, masking the fact that the abuse was devastating and chronic. But while the knowledge, body sensations, and feelings are shattered, they are not forgotten. They intrude in unexpected ways: through panic attacks and insomnia, through dreams and artwork, through seemingly inexplicable compulsions, and through the shadowy dread of the abusive parent. They live just outside of consciousness like noisy neighbors who bang on the pipes and occasionally show up at the door. David L. Calof
92
If you avoid your truthful emotions and pain you will implode and contract into a diminished and feeble state. Bryant McGill
93
When there is inconsistency in belief and action (such as being violated by someone who is supposed to love you) our mind has to make an adjustment so that thought and action are aligned. So sometimes the adjustment that the mind makes is for the victim to bring her or his behavior in line with the violator, since the violator cannot be controlled by the victim. Our greatest source of survival is to adapt to our environment. So increasing emotional intimacy with a person who is forcing physical intimacy makes sense in our minds. It resolves cognitive dissonance. Rosenna Bakari
94
While in principle groups for survivors are a good idea, in practice it soon becomes apparent that to organize a successful group is no simple matter. Groups that start out with hope and promise can dissolve acrimoniously, causing pain and disappointment to all involved. The destructive potential of groups is equal to their therapeutic promise. The role of the group leader carries with it a risk of the irresponsible exercise of authority. Conflicts that erupt among group members can all too easily re-create the dynamics of the traumatic event, with group members assuming the roles of perpetrator, accomplice, bystander, victim, and rescuer. Such conflicts can be hurtful to individual participants and can lead to the group’s demise. In order to be successful, a group must have a clear and focused understanding of its therapeutic task and a structure that protects all participants adequately against the dangers of traumatic reenactment. Though groups may vary widely in composition and structure, these basic conditions must be fulfilled without exception. Commonality with other people carries with it all the meanings of the word common. It means belonging to a society, having a public role, being part of that which is universal. It means having a feeling of familiarity, of being known, of communion. It means taking part in the customary, the commonplace, the ordinary, and the everyday. It also carries with it a feeling of smallness, or insignificance, a sense that one’s own troubles are ‘as a drop of rain in the sea.’ The survivor who has achieved commonality with others can rest from her labors. Her recovery is accomplished; all that remains before her is her life. Judith Lewis Herman
95
The unconscious mind always operates in the present tense, and when a memory is buried in the unconscious, the unconscious preserves it as an ongoing act of abuse in the present of the unconscious mind. The cost of repressing a memory is that the mind does not know the abuse ended. Renee Fredrickson
96
We each have our own ways of sabotaging & keeping ourselves down… Do we need to remain the victim so strongly that we pull the ceiling down upon our own heads? There is a comfort in the familiar. Also, it is important to us to be in control because as children being abused we were not at all in control. In self-sabotage we can be both the victim & the victimizer. Maureen Brady
97
In order to survive our youth, many of us became sensitized to which conditions we had to play to, to receive attention. No wonder we mistook this attention for love. We thought love came in finite quantities–it had to be competed for among siblings, or it had to be paid for with exacting dues. Maureen Brady
98
Our need to be "greater than" or "less than" has been a defense against toxic shame. A shameful act was committed upon us. The perpetrator walked away, leaving us with the shame. We absorbed the notion that we are somehow defective. To cover for this we constructed a false self, a masked self. And it is this self that is the overachiever or the dunce, the tramp or the puritan, the powermonger or the pathetic loser. Maureen Brady
99
Even if our survival skills have become impediments we would like to let go of because they have ceased to serve us, we can still love ourselves with them. In appreciation of our survival, we can be awed at how our resources brought us through, even when these resources were things like indifference, a wall of rage, a cold heart… We learn to embrace ourselves as humans with faults and problems. Maureen Brady
100
Sometimes we self-sabotage just when things seem to be going smoothly. Perhaps this is a way to express our fear about whether it is okay for us to have a better life. We are bound to feel anxious as we leave behind old notions of our unworthiness. The challenge is not to be fearless, but to develop strategies of acknowledging our fears and finding out how we can allay them. Maureen Brady