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Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.Criss Jami
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Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.Criss Jami
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With a philosophy education, one can infuriate his peers, intimidate his date, think of obscure, unreliable ways to make money, and never regret a thing.Criss Jami
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To be a philosopher, just reverse everything you have ever been told...and have a sense of humor doing it.Criss Jami
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Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair.Criss Jami
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Flattery does not encourage the perfect flow of love in the vein of your relationship. Be genuine and speak out what you feel for each other without hiding the painful truth.Michael Bassey Johnson
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I never feel unsafe except for when the majority is on my side.Criss Jami
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Little people make tall claims. As being this-that avatar or messiah. Some even say they're God. Well, if they are, I'm their grand-pop.Fakeer Ishavardas
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Just like you silly bums, I have a personal sky god. I bow to him, as you do to your airy-fairy sod. He prefers I call him Mr. NOT.Fakeer Ishavardas
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Wise men don't feel companionless when they are not in the company of their egos.Delian Zahariev
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Respect? Of course, always, to all, because everything seems funnier when you're trying to show respect.Criss Jami
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While she could hardly fathom what had just happened to her that night, she reached some conclusions before she fell asleep, certain things now made perfect sense; Moon River didn’t sound so syrupy, mistletoe wasn’t such a bad idea, and perhaps dating was not such a frivolous waste of time after all.E.a. Bucchianeri
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There is a certain delightful sort of hope which the introvert can receive only by having company over...the hope that they will leave soon.Criss Jami
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If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?George Carlin
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..."vers libre, " (free verse) or nine-tenths of it, is not a new metre any more than sleeping in a ditch is a new school of architecture.G.k. Chesterton
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Google, Facebook helps people than people helps people, in today's worldJeevagan Nagarajan
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Pride is pride not because it hates being wrong, but because it loves being wrong: To hate being wrong is to change your opinion when you are proven wrong; whereas pride, even when proven wrong, decides to go on being wrong.Criss Jami
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Pure wisdom is the 'fruit of life' banal platitudes are the 'bane of existence'.Criss Jami
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How easy it is for so many of us today to be undoubtedly full of information yet fully deprived of accurate information.Criss Jami
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The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you.Criss Jami
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We men are fascinated by the things we don't really understand. It gives us something to think and talk about: like females, they drive us nuts.Criss Jami
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It's probably not easy for a woman to understand what it's like to be a man. Imagine you're starving, and someone puts a huge buffet in front of you. There's delicious, mouth-watering food all around you, and it's really really hard not to eat it all. That's what it's like to be a man around attractive women. The urge to want to hump everything that moves is part of a man's natural programming. It's a deep-seated hunger. To suppress that hunger takes civilization and a lot of willpower. .Oliver Markus
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All humans are rogues. Cured only by death.Fakeer Ishavardas
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Do not believe in a god who is as silly, and meaner than you. For, that would surely be your higher-self, and your stupid alter-ego.Fakeer Ishavardas
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He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke.Carroll Bryant
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I feel as though whenever I create something, my Mr. Hyde wakes up in the middle of the night and starts thrashing it. I sometimes love it the next morning, but other times it is an abomination.Criss Jami
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If I were to vote, I would intentionally vote for the goofiest candidate. It is my theory that when the people can outwit the leader, the more respected their voices will be.Criss Jami
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Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.Carroll Bryant
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Psychobabble attempts to redefine the entire English language just to make a correct statement incorrect. Psychology is the study of why someone would try to do this.Criss Jami
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The logic behind patriotism is a mystery. At least a man who believes that his own family or clan is superior to all others is familiar with more than 0.000003% of the people involved.Criss Jami
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I am not sure if women are attracted to genius. Can you imagine the wise wizard winning the woman over the gallant swordsman? It seems rather otherworldly in more ways than one.Criss Jami
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Whenever you feel like feeling like a devil's advocate, Bible-thump. That, in a worldly world, is the great irony and satire of evangelism.Criss Jami
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American girls shivered and quivered at the Aussie accent whispered against their bodies.Cristin Harber
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Chocolate cake and a diamond ring? In bed with the man of my dreams?Cristin Harber
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They say the crazies come out at night. I say the crazies come out during election year: Elections have the power to turn once seemingly normal people into certified loonies.Criss Jami
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What you're experiencing isn't a dry spell. It's a dust bowl. Tell me, do you find cob webs in there every time you get yourself off?Parker S. Huntington
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April Fools' is the only day to take people seriously.Criss Jami
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First of all, no messiahs are sent. Secondly, no messiah got it. Lastly, no messiah is. And if there ever was or is, maybe I too am it. As too is every dimwit.Fakeer Ishavardas
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Christians sometimes make themselves into elephants afraid of mice. You have the Creator of the universe on your side; not to mention, you've been given eternal life. 'Whom or what shall you fear?' To be afraid of anything other than God himself is like an insult to God.Criss Jami
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I would die for you, my love–in old age.Ljupka Cvetanova
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Somewhere in the crowd was at least one potential friend who'd understand the fundamental value of goofing off. Because if not, how boring would that be?Alyson Noel
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Men know that most women want to have an emotional connection with someone before they sleep with them. Men know that a lot of women think it's romantic to be friends first, and then the friendship blossoms into a relationship. Men know that they have to jump through all these hoops first, before they can get laid. And that's really all romance and courtship is to a man: hoops he has to jump through to get laid. .Oliver Markus
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When guys try to get a good job and make a lot of money, it's so that they can find a good mate, because they know women like guys with money. Big tits are to men, what big wallets are to women. A sexy woman can have almost any man she wants. And a rich guy can have almost any woman he wants.Oliver Markus
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There is this common notion that young conservatives are the few, that most people had liberal worldviews when they were young. If this is true, then it is with great irony that a number of old liberals must never had progressed into conservatives as they grew older.Criss Jami
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We like to romanticize the wild, raw, majestic beauty of nature. But when you take a closer look, nature is really just a giant fuckfest. That beautiful bird chirping? It's a mating call. That pretty little bird is trying to get laid. And why does the peacock have such beautiful feathers? To attract females. Because he's trying to get laid.Oliver Markus
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Growing up I sometimes imagined that for Christ's return perhaps He would appear as 'Black Jesus' to white people and 'White Jesus' to black people just to screw with the racists.Criss Jami
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Character that is fruit-producing can be summed up in the mastery of these 5 qualities: morals, but a sense of humor; love, but respect for criticism; intelligence without pretense; humility without self-loathing; and a mind open, but with solid convictions.Criss Jami
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Everything is possible in America, except the production of intelligence.Mie Hansson
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There is this common notion that people are shallow and ignorant until they go out and see the world. I, on the other hand, went out and in comparison realized I was in pretty good standing.Criss Jami
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Angels are good not simply because they see bad as bad, but also because they see bad as corny.Criss Jami
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Never take advice about never taking advice. That is an old vice of men - to dish it out without being able to take it - the blind leading the blind into more blindness.Criss Jami
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Be careful not to appear obsessively intellectual. When intelligence fills up, it overflows a parody.Criss Jami
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You might be an introvert if you were ready to go home before you left the house.Criss Jami
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No matter how kind you are, always expect a few imbeciles.Criss Jami
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Only about 3 percent of animal species are monogamous. A couple of penguins, some otters and a few other oddball critters. To these select few it comes natural to mate for life and never look at another member of the opposite sex. Humans are not part of that little club. Like the other 97% of species, humans are not monogamous by nature. We just pretend that we are.Oliver Markus
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Look at the huge success of Fifty Shades of Grey. The girl in the book lets a rich guy beat her and ritually rape her, and she likes it! She finds it erotic! But imagine if Christian Grey wasn't a billionaire. Imagine if he lived in a dirty old trailer down by the river. Then that story wouldn't be a sexy romance novel, but an episode of CSI.Oliver Markus
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The funny thing about the heart is a soft heart is a strong heart, and a hard heart is a weak heart.Criss Jami
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Well, it's true for every elder sibling, We have this supremely potent weapon "parents " on our side in such matters. In fact, such are the times when our maturity works wonders in hitching parents to our side over these younger siblings.Parul Wadhwa
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I treat my thoughts like an old person treats their valuables: I cannot for the life of me proceed to throwing them out.Criss Jami
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To claim that one can never live a positive life with a negative mind is a very negative claim to make!Criss Jami
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Bitches act, loyal reactPrabuj
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After each of his books, the writer, for a while, feels once again that he can now die happy.Criss Jami
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Generally it appears the case that, when faced with all life's problems, the baby, he wants to cry about everything, the child wants to question everything, the teenager wants to rebel against everything, the young adult wants to solve everything, the middle-aged adult wants to protect everything, and the elder wants to accept everything.Criss Jami
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A thief is one who insists on sharing his victimhood.Criss Jami
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I enjoy poetry where I can talk as bizarre as I please, but theology or philosophy, I always respect the truth by taking it a step further.Criss Jami
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On a supra human level, yeah, I got That Which Is. Yet on a simple human level, rare are times when either my left or my right foot is not in some kind of shit.Fakeer Ishavardas
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Humans, left to own misguided devices, scratches the Divine in the self as one would the lice, but remember to lick well all the vices.Fakeer Ishavardas
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Life is an unfinished art, few master it, most just bark.Fakeer Ishavardas
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One piece of wisdom a writer quickly learns ~ typos keep you humble.E.a. Bucchianeri
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It is better to doubt that a concept is stupidly flying under your head than profoundly flying over your head.Criss Jami
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So, am I too, like all other humans, just a rogue? Sure! Just a notch less than those rascals wearing godly robes.Fakeer Ishavardas
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If a religious book makes you harbor ill thoughts about those with differing faith, then, you're reading the wrong crap of late.Fakeer Ishavardas
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True devotion and humility is when you carelessly allow yourself to fall in love with things you consider will make you look inferior, which in essence, makes you superior.Michael Bassey Johnson
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No, " said the cat. "Now, you people have names. That's because you don't know who you are. We know who we are, so we don't need names.Neil Gaiman
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Assuming what people want is about as controlled as using fireworks to start a fire.Criss Jami
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Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.Carroll Bryant
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Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?Regina Griffin
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Wisdom of the Ages: "Forgiveness" Steroids for the Soul.Matthew Heines
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I'm past competing in pissing contests. My jet stream is now more of a trickle. The only contest I'd win is the number of trips to the bathroom it takes to purge a 32oz soda.Brian MacLearn
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What if everything about me is totally made up? What if I’m actually… I don’t know. A wanted fugitive in the States.”“Julia.” He reached across the table and grabbed her hand. “Nobody makes up being a high school math teacher.”“ That’s why it’s the perfect disguise! ” He shook his head. “Nobody.Rebecca Brooks
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The fact that we're all different is the one thing we all have in common.Justin Young
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Nothing frustrates people more than a cocky guy who's still winning.Criss Jami
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For what religion has never had sects? Rest assured, Extremism is always the derrière.Criss Jami
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I do not want to sound cynical or condescending, but your lips are moving, your mind unbending.Fakeer Ishavardas
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One of the Christian's biggest fears is appearing 'too Christian'. God forbid, because that's often characterized as god-awful! We want to be one, but without being 'one of them'.Criss Jami
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Nothing amuses people more than a cocky guy who starts losing.Criss Jami
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Plot twist: everything goes exactly as planned.Criss Jami
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Well sue me for staring. I'd be willing to scrub away my shame on his washboard abs.Tia Giacalone
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It's like playing the lottery. It doesn't matter how extremely low the chances are of winning. You gotta be in it to win it. Hitting on every girl in sight is like buying a whole lot of lottery tickets. You never know, one day one of them might actually pay off.Oliver Markus
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Some things are so silly they have a certain brilliance to them. Other things, set as standards for brilliance and therefore exalted by many who don't know why, become tarnished because of it.Criss Jami
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Dogs are angels full of poop.Oliver Gaspirtz
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.. they only trusted the wisdom of people brighter and more worldly than themselves when it was expressed in the vocabulary and style of rural idiots. In his guise as Brazenydol, he had once had a contract with DARPA to teach a team of physicists the basic terminology of tractor pulls so that they could give an acceptable explanation of omniwavelength stealth to a Congressional committee that didn’t understand tractor pulls, either.John Barnes
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Wisdom of the Ages "US News Media" If the devil is the father of all lies, isn't the US News Media their bitchy stepmother?Matthew Heines
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Wisdom of the Ages: "National Symbol" With the preponderance of lawyers, banksters, arms, drug and tobacco dealers in our government, shouldn't our national symbol be changed from the eagle to the vulture?Matthew Heines
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Wisdom of the Ages: "Skull and Bones" A secret society of spoiled twits whose apparent purpose in life is littering the landscape with as many as possible.Matthew Heines
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It's always funny that you can try and try again to steal all your critics' ammo, predict their responses, but no matter what, they'll still have a water gun stashed somewhere.Criss Jami
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Nothing ruins a good thing quite like knowing you share your opinions with mindless little tits.Yahtzee Croshaw
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By(e) pen, I've tried my hand at poetry; only to see how boring it is to me. That is, unless I get a chance to destroy each and every piece while doing it as I please.Criss Jami
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Real comedy is not when you laugh at an idiot, it's when the idiot laughs at you.Raheel Farooq
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She was supportive, didn’t pry or expect anything from me, and sensed when I needed my space. If she were a guy, I’d probably date her. Or, if I were a lesbian. And if she were a lesbian. I guess we’d both have to be lesbians for that to work. Regardless, she made a pretty great friend.Temple West