1
None of us has an obligation to accept the definitions of ‘respect’ and ‘gratitude’ our parents espoused, especially when those definitions can be used to guilt-trip us, or when they are being used for the purpose of forcing us to do certain things (as an extortion mechanism).Lukasz Laniecki
2
That’s not our role here, provide our parents with a “success story” to share at gatherings. Our role here is to contribute the best we can to the society. Use our talents and make sure we add the greatest value possible to other people’s lives.Lukasz Laniecki
3
An approach, according to which children should fulfil their parents’ dreams/ do everything in order to make their parents happy/ provide their parents with a peace of mind, or whatever they want for themselves - because they owe it to them for all those years in which their parents took care of them - is utterly selfish.Lukasz Laniecki
4
We grow up in a belief system according to which children should always make their parents proud and happy (instead of making themselves proud and happy) - and that’s unfortunately the belief system in most cultures.Lukasz Laniecki
5
People have a much greater chance of finding something they’ll enjoy doing and making those greatest contributions when they trust themselves and are free to make their own life choices (are not marionettes in the hands of their parents).Lukasz Laniecki
6
It’s a mistake to believe that they (parents) are responsible for their children’s best future. This responsibility is on their children, and that’s the message they should be conveying to their children on a daily basis.Lukasz Laniecki
7
Pushing them (children) into a career that is “practical”/ “safe”/ prestigious/ well-paying doesn’t count as help. It’s how parents satisfy their own needs.Lukasz Laniecki
8
We feel stuck in a rut, unable to say ‘no’ to our parents, unable to put an end to their controlling behavior, unable to grab hold of our own lives, simply because we fear that we will hurt, insult, disrespect or disappoint our parents (entire families).Lukasz Laniecki
9
Mistakes are part of life. And yet, for some reason, most parents in this world, wish their children made no mistakes at all, or as little as possible.Lukasz Laniecki
10
If parents want “success stories” to share at gatherings they should provide themselves with those, and they should not use their children for that purpose.Lukasz Laniecki
11
It’s entirely on our children to build their best futures. Not on us, parents. And we should be imprinting this message on our children’s brains from as early as possible.Lukasz Laniecki
12
They (parents) have been doing this (imposing their beliefs about life on you) since you were born. That’s more than enough to establish a habit.Lukasz Laniecki
13
They (parents) use this guilt-tripping to stop you from fulfilling your plans, but most important, from believing something they don’t (something which contradicts their beliefs)Lukasz Laniecki
14
We are all entitled to our own share of mistakes and learning experiences in life. No one should take them away from us. Not even our parents.Lukasz Laniecki
15
There is no better way to crush someone’s self-confidence than to tell this person that her / his choice was wrong, and that she / he should have listened to us (parents). Because, obviously, we know how to make the right choices and she / he does not.Lukasz Laniecki
16
Our parents are not the only people on this planet, and we should not base our life choices on what they want (what will bring them a peace of mind, satisfaction, and give them a reason to brag), but we should make those choices keeping in mind that there are upwards of 7, 5 billion people in this world, and that we should use our talents and energy trying to improve the lives of as many of them as possible.Lukasz Laniecki
17
Who said that parents’ beliefs should be adopted by their children?Lukasz Laniecki
18
Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control.Lundy Bancroft
19
A bird cannot love freely when caged.Matshona Dhliwayo
20
The fear of abandonment forced me to comply as a child, but I’m not forced to comply anymore. The key people in my life did reject me for telling the truth about my abuse, but I’m not alone. Even if the consequence for telling the truth is rejection from everyone I know, that’s not the same death threat that it was when I was a child. I’m a self-sufficient adult and abandonment no longer means the end of my life. .Christina Enevoldsen