1
Being culturally aware and respectful of others’ cultures will help you to keep the habit of making eye contact in context. As a matter of fact, in some parts of the world making eye contact can be construed as being exactly the opposite of what I am sharing in these pages. Making a great first impression is always about the specific environment and circumstance, isn’t it?Susan C. Young
2
As we explore this valuable non-verbal language, please note that these principles do not apply in many cultures around the world. In some cultures, direct eye contact may offend, affront, violate, or threaten.Susan C. Young
3
We've all been in the middle of a conversation and the person with whom we are speaking breaks eye contact, appears distracted, glazes over, or looks elsewhere. Their simple eye movement can quickly break down communications by making us feel ignored, dismissed, or rejected. For some, it may be accidental and unintentional, while for others, avoiding eye contact is on purpose.Susan C. Young
4
12 Reasons Why People Avoid Eye Contact1. They do not want to reveal their feelings.2. They are not being honest and truthful.3. It makes them feel vulnerable and exposed.4. They are being rude or indifferent.5. They are ashamed or embarrassed to talk about something.6. They are nervous or lacking confidence.7. It makes them feel very uncomfortable.8. They are arrogant, snobby, and pretentious.9. They are afraid of saying the wrong thing or looking stupid.10. They are shy or introverted.11. They are accessing internal thoughts or emotions to process and contemplate information.12. Or as mentioned before, and important to remember, it may simply be a cultural value or behavior.Susan C. Young
5
There are times when eye contact can move to the dark side and become creepy, hostile, rude, or condescending. When it is overused or made for the wrong reasons, eye contact can make others feel uncomfortable and leave a terrible impression. - obsessive staring- mocking- too much intensity - inappropriate focus- averting eyes- obvious contempt - gawking, ogling - casting the "evil eye"- over-watching- intimidating- unwelcome looks- rolling the eyes.Susan C. Young
6
As with most things in life, a healthy balance will keep us on the right path. To avoid too much eye contact or too little, seek to create a comfortable mix. It is generally encouraged to use more eye contact when you are listening and less when you are speaking.Susan C. Young
7
When speakers make eye contact with an audience, they will be perceived as being more prepared, more competent, confident, and trustworthy. Eye contact helps to relax the speaker and reminds them that their audience is made up of separate individuals who perceive things differently. Audience response is clearly seen in the expressions of their eyes.Susan C. Young
8
7 Ways to Improve Eye Contact at any Time1. Relax into the moment by smiling.2. Practice making eye contact with people you trust, so that when you are with strangers, it is easier to form a connection.3. When you feel uncomfortable, begin by looking at their mouth or forehead.4. Lean in and show that you are interested and attentive.5. Put a little space between you and the other person.6. Remember that the other person may be feeling just as awkward.7. Don’t give them a blank stare throughout a conversation. Rather, practice gazing down or to the side every few moments so that you appear relaxed.Susan C. Young
9
Have you heard that a smile is the shortest distance between people? I love that! There is nothing like a genuine smile to create a first impression with positive impact.Susan C. Young
10
A genuine smile is inviting, contagious, encouraging, and brings joy into the world. It instantly tells others that you are glad to see them, that they are important and you are approachable.Susan C. Young
11
Accompanied with good eye contact, a smile serves as an immediate icebreaker to warm up relations and turn a stranger into a friend.Susan C. Young
12
You can transform your entire physical appearance, personal experience, energy, and social success simply by smiling. And it is also good to do just for you!Susan C. Young
13
5 Tips for Mirroring Others1. Body language. When they smile, you smile. When they lean back in their chair, you lean back in your chair. When they cross their legs or fold their arms, you do the same.2. Vocabulary or specific words. Notice their language and the words they choose and use–their keywords, expressions, expletives, or phrases. 3. Communication style. People receive, process, and deliver information in different ways. Notice whether someone is results driven or relaxed, emotional or pragmatic, talkative or observant. Recognizing their style will enable you to adapt your style to theirs to build rapport and improve communication.4. Vocal style. a. Speech rate– If they are talking fast, you talk fast. If they are talking slowly, you talk slowly. Consider rhythm, pace, and tempo. b. Volume– If they are speaking quietly and softly, match their volume. c. Tone– Mirror their emotion, tone, and pitch. You can even seek to mirror their grammar and dialect, as long as it is discreet and respectful.Susan C. Young
14
Mirroring and matching works at the sub-conscious level and serves to make the other person feel more “comfortable” and connected to you. These subliminal actions can create a subconscious feeling of unison and connection that demonstrate how much you have in common.Susan C. Young
15
Your eyes are the windows to your soul” indeed. It is a cliché for a good reason–it is a timeless truth with universal application.Susan C. Young
16
Your direct eye contact is one of the best compliments you can give another human being. You are subliminally telling them that you are listening, they matter, and that what they have to say is important.Susan C. Young
17
Meaningful eye contact has the power to transcend time and space to connect us with others and can be one of the most gracious and important ways to demonstrate attention and respect.Susan C. Young
18
When you make eye contact with another person, you can send thousands of silent messages without even speaking a word. No wonder eye contact can be both a direct form of communication and an elusive attribute at the same time.Susan C. Young
19
One simple glance can convey to your recipient that you are .- Present- Interested- Paying attention- Being respectful- Listening- Confident- Engaged- Caring- Dedicated- Appreciative- Empathetic- Focused- Supportive- Trustworthy- Acknowledging- Excited This list barely scratches the surface; however, it opens the conversation about how vital your eye contact is for making positive first impressions.Susan C. Young
20
Whether it is in a sales situation, love at first sight, a husband and wife having an important conversation, a parent disciplining a child, or a teacher instructing her students, eye contact is a powerful body language for enriching engagement, focus, and communication.Susan C. Young