Quotes From "You Have The Right Not To Make Your Parents Proud A Book Of " By Lukasz Laniecki

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None of us has an obligation to accept the definitions of ‘respect’ and ‘gratitude’ our parents espoused, especially when those definitions can be used to guilt-trip us, or when they are being used for the purpose of forcing us to do certain things (as an extortion mechanism). Lukasz Laniecki
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That’s not our role here, provide our parents with a “success story” to share at gatherings. Our role here is to contribute the best we can to the society. Use our talents and make sure we add the greatest value possible to other people’s lives. Lukasz Laniecki
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An approach, according to which children should fulfil their parents’ dreams/ do everything in order to make their parents happy/ provide their parents with a peace of mind, or whatever they want for themselves - because they owe it to them for all those years in which their parents took care of them - is utterly selfish. Lukasz Laniecki
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Parents were good to us, gave us a lot, took care for us when we couldn’t have taken care for ourselves, wanted the best for us, continue to care about us and our future, but none of it is good enough a reason to fulfil their dreams/ do everything in order to make them happy/ provide them with a peace of mind, or whatever they want for themselves. Lukasz Laniecki
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We grow up in a belief system according to which children should always make their parents proud and happy (instead of making themselves proud and happy) - and that’s unfortunately the belief system in most cultures. Lukasz Laniecki
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People have a much greater chance of finding something they’ll enjoy doing and making those greatest contributions when they trust themselves and are free to make their own life choices (are not marionettes in the hands of their parents). Lukasz Laniecki
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It’s a mistake to believe that they (parents) are responsible for their children’s best future. This responsibility is on their children, and that’s the message they should be conveying to their children on a daily basis. Lukasz Laniecki
Pushing them (children) into a career that is “practical”/ “safe”/...
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Pushing them (children) into a career that is “practical”/ “safe”/ prestigious/ well-paying doesn’t count as help. It’s how parents satisfy their own needs. Lukasz Laniecki
The time to build your future is in your teenage...
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The time to build your future is in your teenage years and your 20s, but equally, in your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond. Lukasz Laniecki
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You don’t need to provide your parents with a “success story” to share at gatherings. Lukasz Laniecki
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We feel stuck in a rut, unable to say ‘no’ to our parents, unable to put an end to their controlling behavior, unable to grab hold of our own lives, simply because we fear that we will hurt, insult, disrespect or disappoint our parents (entire families). Lukasz Laniecki
They know a lot, but they don’t know everything, and...
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They know a lot, but they don’t know everything, and they can’t advise you on anything. They can only tell you what they believe worked / or didn’t work for them. Lukasz Laniecki
Mistakes are part of life. And yet, for some reason,...
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Mistakes are part of life. And yet, for some reason, most parents in this world, wish their children made no mistakes at all, or as little as possible. Lukasz Laniecki
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Parents like to think of themselves as Batmans, and of their children as Gotham Cities. Gotham City depends on Batman for its survival, and Batman delivers. This belief prevents parents from letting those young adults actually live their lives. Lukasz Laniecki
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It’s not their (parents’) job to prevent their children from making mistakes, because mistakes are a normal part of our lives. It’s like preventing those children from having a real experience. A real life. Lukasz Laniecki
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If parents want “success stories” to share at gatherings they should provide themselves with those, and they should not use their children for that purpose. Lukasz Laniecki
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It’s entirely on our children to build their best futures. Not on us, parents. And we should be imprinting this message on our children’s brains from as early as possible. Lukasz Laniecki
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They (parents) have been doing this (imposing their beliefs about life on you) since you were born. That’s more than enough to establish a habit. Lukasz Laniecki
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They (parents) use this guilt-tripping to stop you from fulfilling your plans, but most important, from believing something they don’t (something which contradicts their beliefs) Lukasz Laniecki
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They (parents) want life to unfold according to what they believe. Most people want that. The last thing they want and need, is somebody (let alone their own child) telling them that their beliefs about life are bullshit / full of holes/ severely flawed. Lukasz Laniecki