Quotes From "Witches Abroad" By Terry Pratchett

Most people, on waking up, accelerate through a quick panicky pre-consciousness check-up: who am I, where am I, who is he/she, good god, why am I cuddling a policeman's helmet, what happened last night? And this is because people are riddled by Doubt. It is the engine that drives them through their lives. It is the elastic band in the little model aeroplane of their soul, and they spend their time winding it up until it knots. Early morning is the worst time -there's that little moment of panic in case You have drifted away in the night and something else has moved in. This never happened to Granny Weatherwax. She went straight from asleep to instant operation on all six cylinders. She never needed to find herself because she always knew who was doing the looking. . Terry Pratchett

Humanity's a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there. Terry Pratchett

Magrat liked to think she was good with children, and worried that she wasn’t. She didn’t like them very much, and worried about this too. Nanny Ogg seemed to be effortlessly good with children by alternately and randomly giving them either a sweet or a thick ear, while Granny Weatherwax ignored them for most of the time and that seemed to work just as well. Terry Pratchett

I heard this story once, " she said, "where this bloke got locked up for years and years and he learned amazin' stuff about the universe and everythin' from another prisoner who was incredibly clever, and then he escaped and got his revenge."" What incredibly clever stuff do you know about the universe, Gytha Ogg?" said Granny."Bugger all, " said Nanny cheerfully." Then we'd better bloody well escape right now. Terry Pratchett

Haven’t you got any romance in your soul?’ said Magrat plaintively. ‘No, ’ said Granny. 'I ain’t. And stars don’t care what you wish, and magic don’t make things better, and no one doesn’t get burned who sticks their hand in a fire. If you want to amount to anything as a witch, Magrat Garlick, you got to learn three things. What’s real, what’s not real, and what’s the difference. Terry Pratchett

Where's the pleasure in bein' the winner if the loser ain't alive to know they've lost? Terry Pratchett

What some people need, " said Magrat, to the world in general, "is a bit more heart."" What some people need, " said Granny Weatherwax, to the stormy sky, "is a lot more brain." Then she clutched at her hat to stop the wind from blowing i Terry Pratchett

It's daft, locking us up, " said Nanny. "I'd have had us killed."" That's because you're basically good, " said Magrat. "The good are innocent and create justice. The bad are guilty, which is why they invent mercy. Terry Pratchett

A mirror can contain the reflection of the whole universe, a whole skyful of stars in a piece of silvered glass no thicker than a breath. Terry Pratchett

People think that stories are shaped by people. In fact, it's the other way around. Terry Pratchett

Stories don't care who takes part in them. All that matters if that the story gets told, that the story repeats. Or, if you prefer to think of it like this: stories are a parasitical life form, warping lives in the service only of the story itself. Terry Pratchett

Find the story, Granny Weatherwax always said. She believed that the world was full of story shapes. If you let them, they controlled you. But if you studied them, if you found out about them... you could use them, you could change them. Terry Pratchett

Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because–what with trolls and dwarfs and so on–speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green. Terry Pratchett

The invisible people knew that happiness is not the natural state of mankind, and is never achieved from the outside in. Terry Pratchett

Cats gravitate to kitchens like rocks gravitate to gravity. Terry Pratchett

Granny looked up at the zombie. He was - or, technically, had been - a tall, handsome man. He still was, only now he looked like someone who had walked through a room full of cobwebs.' What's your name, dead man?' she said. Terry Pratchett

Blessings be on this house, " Granny said, perfunctorily. It was always a good opening remark for a witch. It concentrated people's minds on what other things might be on this house. Terry Pratchett

Your average witch is not, by nature, a social animal as far as other witches are concerned. There's a conflict of dominant personalities. There's a group of ringleaders without a ring. There's the basic unwritten rule of witchcraft, which is 'Don't do what you will, do what I say.' The natural size of a coven is one. Witches only get together when they can't avoid it. Terry Pratchett

Most witches don’t believe in gods. They know that the gods exist, of course. They even deal with them occasionally. But they don’t believe in them. They know them too well. It would be like believing in the postman. Terry Pratchett

What was supposed to be so special about a full moon? It was only a big circle of light. And the dark of the moon was only darkness. But halfway between the two, when the moon was between the worlds of light and dark, when even the moon lived on the edge...maybe then a witch could believe in the moon. Terry Pratchett

You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage. Terry Pratchett