1
Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same.Lois Greiman
2
Honest friends is kinda nice, but it's hard to beat a big-ass lie and a six-pack of brewskies.Lois Greiman
3
Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree.Lois Greiman
4
A pigs and pain, until you really get to know 'em. Then he's a paid with the soul.Lois Greiman
5
Analyzing dreams is much like walking on water. There are a limited number of people who do it well.Lois Greiman
6
Booze and boys, ain't nothing in the universe that'll make a girl stupid faster.Lois Greiman
7
Maybe knowledge is power, but it's damned hard to think a burglar to death.Lois Greiman
8
Men are like beer. Some are bold and some are smooth. But every damn one of 'em has a big-ass head full of air.Lois Greiman
9
Some men are warriors and some men are weenies. The trick is figuring out which is which.Lois Greiman
10
Today's problems are yesterday's mistakes coming back to bite you in the ass.Lois Greiman
11
Maybe life does suck, Pork Chop, but it beats the hell out of the alternative.Lois Greiman
12
Just when you think you have life by the tail, it's likely to whip around and take a hunk outta your balls.Lois Greiman
13
There is no greater hell than realizing you're in love with the guy you hate.Lois Greiman
14
You lose a couple of pounds and get a guy good and drunk, you could have a hell of a good time even if you are not smart.Lois Greiman
15
Generally, men are superior in the areas of heavy lifting, where there's a past only by pachyderms and building cranes. Beyond that, I believe any right-thinking thinking will see that women have the indisputable advantage.Lois Greiman
16
The theory of relativity doesn't amount to a hill of beans when there's a bonfire in your shorts.Lois Greiman
17
Fair play is all well and good. But knowing how to kick 'em in the balls can get you out of a jam 9 times out of 10.Lois Greiman
18
Just remember this, Missy, escargot ain't nothin' but snails with their noses stuck in the air.Lois Greiman
19
Beauty is only skin deep, but who gives a shit what's under their skin anyway?Lois Greiman
20
Chocolate may be cheaper than a psychiatrist, but the latter doesn't generally adhere to your ass for the rest of your natural life.Lois Greiman
21
If I want to catch the damn worm I get outta bed.Lois Greiman
22
Some people are street-smart, some people are book-smart, but most people are just dumber than dirt.Lois Greiman
23
Life is what you make it. Unless some guy finds you with his girl. Then the ball's pretty much in his court.Lois Greiman