1
And now, for something completely the same: Wasted time and wasted breath, 's what I'll make, until my death. Helping people 'd be as good, but I wouldn't, if I could. For the few that help deserve, have no need, or not the nerve, help from strangers to accept, plus from mine a few have wept. Wept from joy, or from despair, or just from my vengeful stare. Ways I have, to look at stupid, make them see I am not Cupid.Make them see they are in error, for of truth I am a bearer. Most decide I'm just a bear, mauling at them, - like I care.Will Advise
2
The way to be invisible - is to truly be imaginary. But since you cannot imagine yourself, you have to clone your imagination into being an image of yourself. Imagine that.Will Advise
3
On building homes for fallen angels: When I was small - I sought a home, a place to go and rest my bones. Then founded something, of my own, I lived among the restless stones. If seeking leads you back to evil, what good is that, I asked a weevil. He said a home is what you make, it can't be real, if it is fake.. And if you wait instead of seek, will you find love, or something bleak? I know (myself) for I have found, a beauty, hidden — in a sound. Waiting is boring. And so is exploring. A smile is sometimes all it takes. And then your whole world simply breaks.Will Advise
4
The NSA may, or may not have rejected the invisible secret operative application form I never even bothered to have sent over to them. I'll never know...Will Advise
5
A relationship is a process. If you have nothing to learn - you have a slave to teach. 's why schools are effective.Will Advise
6
The only way to efficiently battle evil is to copy enough to know how to counter each argument, yet not enough to believe all the bullshit.Will Advise
7
I think she's too single for me, and she thinks I'm with two other people. She also thinks she thinks, I think.Will Advise
8
Some people are so much heaven to the square inch that life is simply hell, when she leaves you in order to go south for the winter. (Yes, women are people too, sometimes even threee.)Will Advise
9
IQ's are a combination of eyes, and queues. Would you wait in line to see my goat show? Of course you wouldn't, because the line is invisible.Will Advise
10
Silence is the invisibility of talking. I'd take half an argument over half a silence any day. And I'd take peace and quiet over a full-blown argument any other day, unless it's Tuesday.Will Advise
11
When Jarod Kintz gets married, I want to wear his grandpa to the ceremony, telling everyone we're Siamese twins from the future-past. Meow.Will Advise
12
With all the global warming going around nowadays, it would only take the stubbornness of a mule and the patience of a sitting duck to achieve what no man has ever done before — namely melt the ice in a wax figure’s beaten heart that was chopped off and hidden 50 meters under the polar ice caps in Alaska, to protect it from feeling.Will Advise
13
To fall in love twice, with the same person, you need to grow another heart. That's all I do in my secret underground laboratory at night...Will Advise
14
My grandpa, unlike Jarod Kintz, was an Elder. Now that he's dead and gone, he's a ghost French wizard. And no one knows what French wizards are good at…Will Advise
15
As an evil cultist, I make an excellent evil cultist. Only I'm stupid, and not evil. And I worship nothing, really.Will Advise
16
I'd like to make a twosome with two handsome trees. Make that a threesome as I'd also include a bush in the package, to keep it low profile.Will Advise
17
Meanings with no purpose are useful for meaningless debates on what the "meaner" meant. And that's what #politics is all about - misreading.Will Advise
18
I'll make a book on learning how to be a complete moron someday, and I'm sure no one will buy it, because everyone will have mastered that already by the time I gather enough moronism to process it into digestible upgrade instructions for your average village cyborg-idiot.Will Advise
19
If automating everything makes people lazier and lazier, and laziness leads to stupidity, which it does for most people, judging by the current content circulating the social networks everywhere, except North Korea, where they don’t have any internet to speak of - at some point the Japanese robots, for which a market niche is currently being developed, with no concerns on how they should be designed to act in society or outside it - will have no choice, but to take everything over, to preserve us from ourselves… .Will Advise
20
I'm an oracle of the past. I can accurately predict up to 1 minute in the future, by thoroughly investigating the last 2 years of your life. Also, I look like an old database — flat and full of useless info.Will Advise
21
The more you believe, the more you'll be leaving you, when what you believed turns out to be just lies. Or unjust lies. Or any lies, anyway.Will Advise
22
Flowers are evil, because they live just to die for the love of other people. You don’t believe me? Try it for yourself and see if you’ll be good afterwards. Undeath is a way of life, for some things. That doesn’t make it good or anything. Especially anything. Nothing makes anything anything. Because nothing is a serious matter, and anything just is.Will Advise
23
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life.Will Advise
24
Wonders amaze me. They can aim wanderlessly in any forest, be it of dark trees or lighted bushes. And apparently, as per what I’ve heard, they can buy stuff that’s on sale, but only if and when they feel wonderfully wonderful. Because otherwise they wouldn’t really be themselves, which would be a problem for them, because if they aren’t what they are - they can’t exist, and if they don’t exist — that makes them invisible and silent to all the wandering people, who may or may not be looking for them to sell themselves to. .Will Advise
25
A book about books is like a poem about poetry: Books are knowledge, paid for, all. Readers - horses in a stall. Stallions should always run. Lest they stale become, in turn. Running waters are most clear. In some books, you disappear —lose yourself, and track of time. How I wish that one was mine.. Mine, to have, to write, to read.. Mine, just like a flying steed. Mine, forever, - to improve. Would I then, of me, approve? I would not, I can't.. myself. I'm but dust, swept off a shelf. Fly, can I, just 'til I'm settled, down, beside my flower, petalled.Will Advise
26
I fake fake to have a fake life. Does that make me a real horse? Buy now for $777, wooden saddle sold separately. Real horseshoes not included. Imaginary ones — neither.Will Advise
27
An imaginary friend once asked me why Americans can't stand Russia. The answer was cold, deadly, silent, and, well expected. It’s because in Soviet Russia nothing happens anymore, because it doesn’t exist anymore. And Americans are all about happenings. If there isn’t one — they don’t go where it isn’t, because there isn’t anything to happen to them there.Will Advise
28
Someone. Everyone. Anyone. No-one. One. One can't be everyone, but there isn't more than one everyone, at the same time. And at the same time no-one can't be someone, but anyone can be one, and also anyone can be a no-one. To sum up - everyone is someone, and any-one becomes a no-one if you divide the one part long enough by every part of every-one, so in conclusion, I have no idea what I’m talking about, basically.Will Advise
29
Translating from #cat is easy - you just ignore everything, then you decide what you want it to have said, thought, or wanted.Will Advise
30
In days long past, Jarod said he’d write a sentence about my love, translated in Russian, and that sentence, like my love, is clearly not for sale, unlike his virginity, or this book, which I’m both offering at ten times the market value, so hurry up and buy now, before it goes down.Will Advise
31
Wasting time on timing stuff is a good way to save time from being wasted on other pointless activities like writing, reading, and sleeping.Will Advise
32
Dark alleys, like social networks, are romantic, because you never know what might happen while I perform there every Caturday night. Cats do know, but won't tell. So don’t even ask.Will Advise
33
Everything is like a wall. Said a scholar to the troll. Bang your head to go on through. Then you'll see, there is no queue.Will Advise
34
I don't sleep. I just let my body lie itself into numbness and lie to myself that I can't hear, see, or feel anything.Will Advise
35
People skills are useless with cats, because cats are immune to training, and do whatever they decide in any situation... And most importantly they aren’t human.Will Advise
36
Being skilled in Catsism is like being a ninja only deadlier and not so silent. The only bad thing is the sickening grammar you have to use.Will Advise
37
Fluttershyes are like regular shyes, only shinier, and, apparently - also shyer. Whenever petted - they don't flutter, but run away instead.Will Advise
38
If Jarod Kintz was a cat, he'd stalk people silently and deadly. Right now, all he does is bark at them for no good reason, like all the good people do.Will Advise
39
I want to be the most unsold, and the most unsought-after author, after I stop selling my fake name anagrams on the internet.Will Advise
40
There's nothing as useful as the truth, in terms of ruining anyone's day, week, month, year, decade, or life… Unless, of course, you own a remotely operated automatic flamethrower-drone-tower and have some marinated pork-chops on your person, to lure unsuspecting dogs in close proximity to it, but since dogs don’t really have lives - by using this specific method of torture, you can only improve the remaining few seconds of their existence.Will Advise
41
Prosperity is always built on slave labor. Ask any Ameri-can't. Or Bulgari-can. Yes, we can, eat from a trash can...Will Advise
42
If I were offering hip replacement services I'd use Jarod Kintz as my spokesman. No one can possibly be better than him, to replace the missing spoke in your wheels.Will Advise
43
And I will wait for Jarod to work for me. For free, cause if it's paid, it's work and not love, unless, of course he loves to work, in which case he’ll surely love working for me, because I love people who love to do that to love to do that.Will Advise
44
Having no applicable skills, in any possible area whatsoever, effectively makes me the master of redundancy. But that info is obsolete, like my insults dictionary, which I stole.Will Advise
45
I am the most pious person in the room. Even though I have no pie - I have pizza, and what can be more virtuous than eating all by yourself?Will Advise
46
I'm like my cat. I run around in circles in my apartment, because the big bad outside is just too big. And scary. And outside. How do stray cats deal with all the stress of having no protection from all the air that’s going on around there, without anyone to guide and control it into timidity?Will Advise
47
Social networks are so full of wasted time - they could be compared to a waste disposal system. Flush, before you go and waste no time to go.Will Advise
48
The best Christmas present you can give to your dead grandfather is not showing up until Easter. And telling no one about it. Especially not yourself.Will Advise
49
#Cats are marvelous creatures - they either adapt to circumstances, or decide to make circumstances adapt to them. Either way - they win.Will Advise
50
I wonder how Japan's futuristic robot doctors will treat the worst and most widespread disease humanity already has - artificially lowered IQ. Making people stupider makes them buy more stuff — so “How many robots can you afford?” will be the big question of one of the following decades, unless we go back to Communism and produce everything for the sake of it, for free.Will Advise