Quotes From "Monstrous Regiment" By Terry Pratchett

The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to...
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The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they've found it. Terry Pratchett
Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to...
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Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane? Terry Pratchett
The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know...
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The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions? Terry Pratchett
This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no...
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This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs. Terry Pratchett
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How can you protect yourself by carrying a sword if you don’t know how to use it?’ Not me, sir. Other people. They see the sword and don’t attack me, ’ said Maladict patiently. Yes, but if they did, lad, you wouldn’t be any good with it, ’ said the sergeant. No, sir. I’d probably settle for just ripping their heads off, sir. That’s what I mean by protection, sir. Theirs, not mine. And I’d get hell from the League if I did that, sir. Terry Pratchett
Maladict had hallucinations, but Wazzer had a certainty you could...
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Maladict had hallucinations, but Wazzer had a certainty you could bend steel around. It was the opposite of a hallucination, somehow. It was as if she could see what was real and you couldn't. Terry Pratchett
Ankh-Morpork is a godless city--'' I thought it had more...
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Ankh-Morpork is a godless city--'' I thought it had more than three hundred places of worship?' said Maladict. city', he recovered. Terry Pratchett
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She is standing just behind you. Just behind your right shoulder." In the silence of the woods, Polly turned." I can't see her, " she said." I am happy for you, " said Wazzer, handing her the empty mug." But I didn't see anything, " said Polly."No, " said Wazzer. "But you turned around... Terry Pratchett
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Polly felt questing eyes boring into her. She was embarrassed, of course. But not for the obvious reason. It was for the other one, the little lesson that life sometimes rams home with a stick: you are not the only one watching the world. Other people are people; while you watch them they watch you, and they think about you while you think about them. The world isn’t just about you. Terry Pratchett
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Anyway, why would you trust anything written down? She certainly didn't trust "Mothers of Borogravia! " and that was from the government. And if you couldn't trust the government, who could you trust? Very nearly everyone, come to think of it... Terry Pratchett
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And now I demand that you do what the ignorant might feel is the easier thing. You must refrain from dying in battle. Revenge is not redress. Revenge is a wheel, and it turns backwards. The dead are not your masters. Terry Pratchett
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And in a nasty war, where's the best place to be? Apart from on the moon, o' course? No one?" Slowly, Jade raised a hand." Go on, then, " said the sergeant." In the army, sarge, " said the troll. "'cos.." She began to count on her fingers. "One, you got weapons an' armour an' dat. Two, you are surrounded by other armed men. Er.. Many, youse gettin' paid and gettin' better grub than the people in Civilian Street. Er.. Lots, if'n you gives up, you getting taken pris'ner and dere's rules about that like Not Kicking Pris'ners Inna Head and stuff, 'cos if you kick their pris'ners inna head they'll kick your pris'ners inna head so dat's, like, you're kickin' your own head, but dere's no rule say you can't kick enemy civilians inna head. There's other stuff too, but I ran outa numbers. Terry Pratchett
There was this about vampires : they could never look...
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There was this about vampires : they could never look scruffy. Instead, they were... what was the word... deshabille. It meant untidy, but with bags and bags of style. Terry Pratchett
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But I see you're not standing in a bleedin' shadow, Perks, nor have you done anything to change your bleedin' shape, you're silhouetted against the bleedin' light and your sabre's shining like a diamond in a chimney-sweep's bleedin' ear'ole! Explain! ""It's because of the one C, sarge! " said Polly, still staring straight ahead. "And that is?" "Colour, sarge! I'm wearing bleedin' red and white in a bleedin' grey forest, sarge! . Terry Pratchett
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Well, the lion is a big ol’ coward, mostly. If you want trouble, you want to tangle with the lioness. They’re killers, and they hunt together. It’s the same everywhere. If you want big grief, look to the ladies. Terry Pratchett
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And a woman by herself is missing a man, while a man by himself is his own master. Trousers. That's the secret. Trousers and a pair of socks. I never dreamed it was like this. Put on trousers and the world changes. We walk different. We act different. I see these girls and I think: Idiot's Get yourself some trousers! Terry Pratchett
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It's lies. It's all lies. Some of them are just prettier than others, that's all. People see what they think is there. Terry Pratchett
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Polly?' Said Wazzer. 'Yes?''You don't believe in The Duchess, do you? I mean the real Duchess, not your inn.' Polly looked into the small, pinched, intense face. 'Well I mean, they say she's dead, and I prayed to her when I was small, but since you asked I don't exactly, um, believe as-' She gabbled.' She is standing just behind you. Just behind your right shoulder.' In the silence of the wood, Polly turned. 'I can't see her, ' she said.' I am happy for you, ' said Wazzer, handing her the empty mug.' But I didn't see anything, ' said Polly.'No, ' said Wazzer. 'But you turned around. Terry Pratchett
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A woman always has half an onion left over, no matter what the size of the onion, the dish or the woman Terry Pratchett
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I don't want unnecessary violence, sergeant, " said Blouse."Right you are, sir! " said the sergeant. "Carborundum! First man comes through that door runnin', I want him nailed to the wall! " He caught the lieutenant's eye, and added: "But not too hard! Terry Pratchett
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Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where's your coffee? You've got coffee, haven't you? C'mon, everyone's got coffee! Spill the beans! Terry Pratchett
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If they look as though they're worried, we'll move in.'' And do what exactly?' said Polly.'Threaten to shoot them, ' said Maladict firmly.' And if they don't believ Terry Pratchett
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It's not lying when you do it to officers! Terry Pratchett