1
If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.Terry Pratchett
2
In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.Terry Pratchett
3
Bursar?""Yes, Archchancellor?""You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', are you?"" Me? No, Archchancellor.""Then it'd be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head.Terry Pratchett
4
In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of thecat, although in this case there were three determinate states the catcould be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.Terry Pratchett
5
It wasn't that Nanny Ogg sang badly. It was just that she could hit notes which, when amplified by a tin bath half full of water, ceased to be sound and became some sort of invasive presence.Terry Pratchett
6
She wore so much thick white makeup in order to conceal her naturally rosy complexion that if she turned around suddenly her face would probably end up on the back of her head.Terry Pratchett
7
The elevator shaft was a kind of heat sink. Hot food was cold by the time it arrived. Cold food got colder. No one knew what would happen to ice cream, but it would probably involve some rewriting of the laws of thermodynamics.Terry Pratchett
8
I never said nothing..."" I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead!Terry Pratchett
9
It was here that the thaum, hitherto believed to be the smallest possible particle of magic, was succesfully demonstrated to be made up of /resons/ (Lit.: 'Thing-ies') or reality fragments. Currently research indicates that each reson is itself made up of a combination of at least five 'flavours', known as 'up', 'down', 'sideways', 'sex appeal' and 'peppermint'.Terry Pratchett
10
Nanny Ogg was an attractive lady, which is not the same as being beautiful. She fascinated Casanunda. She was an incredibly comfortable person to be around, partly because she had a mind so broad it could accommodate three football fields and a bowling alley.Terry Pratchett
11
I don't hold with paddlin' with the occult, " said Granny firmly. "Once you start paddlin' with the occult you start believing in spirits, and when you start believing in spirits you start believing in demons, and then before you know where you are you're believing in gods. And then you're in trouble."" But all them things exist, " said Nanny Ogg."That's no call to go around believing in them. It only encourages 'em. .Terry Pratchett
12
But all them things exist, " said Nanny Ogg. "That's no call to go around believing in them. It only encourages 'em.Terry Pratchett
13
What is magic? There is the wizard's explanation... wizards talk about candles, circles, planets, stars, bananas, chants, runes and the importance of having at least four good meals every day.Terry Pratchett
14
This is a lovely party, " said the Bursar to a chair, "I wish I was here.Terry Pratchett
15
If you really want to upset a witch, do her a favor which she has no means of repaying. The unfulfilled obligation will nag at her like a hangnail.Terry Pratchett
16
Verence would rather cut his own leg off than put a witch in prison, since it'd save trouble in the long run and probably be less painful.Terry Pratchett
17
Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck.Terry Pratchett
18
Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like ared flag to a bu... was like putting something very annoying in front ofsomeone who was annoyed by it.Terry Pratchett