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It’s sarcasm, Josh.”“Sarcasm?”“It’s from the Greek, sarkasmos. To bite the lips. It means that you aren’t really saying what you mean, but people will get your point. I invented it, Bartholomew named it.”“ Well, if the village idiot named it, I’m sure it’s a good thing.”“ There you go, you got it.”“ Got what?”“ Sarcasm.”“ No, I meant it.”“ Sure you did.”“ Is that sarcasm?”“ Irony, I think.”“ What’s the difference?”“ I haven’t the slightest idea.”“ So you’re being ironic now, right?”“ No, I really don’t know.”“ Maybe you should ask the idiot.”“ Now you’ve got it.”“ What?”“ Sarcasm. .Christopher Moore
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Joshua's ministry was three years of preaching, sometimes three times a day, and although there were some high and low points, I could never remember the sermons word for word, but here's the gist of almost every sermon I ever heard Joshua give. You should be nice to people, even creeps. And if you:a) believed that Joshua was the Son of God (and)b) he had come to save you from sin (and)c) acknowledged the Holy Spirit within you (became as a little child, he would say) (and)d) didn't blaspheme the Holy Ghost (see c)then you would:e) live foreverf) someplace niceg) probably heavan However, if you:h) sinned (and/or)i) were a hypocrite (and/or)j) valued things over people (and)k) didn't do a, b, c, and d, then you were:l) fucked .Christopher Moore
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I've tried to get the angel to watch MTV so I can learn the vocabulary of your music, but even with the gift of tongues, I'm having trouble learning to speak hip-hop. Why is it that one can busta rhyme or busta move anywhere but you must busta cap in someone's ass? Is "ho" always feminine, and "muthafucka" always masculine, while "bitch" can be either? How many peeps in a posse, how much booty before baby got back, do you have to be all that to get all up in that, and do I need to be dope and phat to be da bomb or can I just be "stupid"? I'll not be singing over any dead mothers until I understand.Christopher Moore
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Routine feeds the illusion of safety...Christopher Moore
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... but to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?Christopher Moore
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Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say "attaboy".Christopher Moore
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Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him....Christopher Moore
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Does the work get easier once you know what you are doing?"" Your lungs grow thick with stone dust and your eyes bleary from the sun and fragments thrown up by the chisel. You pour your lifeblood out into works of stone for Romans who will take your money in taxes to feed soldiers who will nail your people to crosses for wanting to be free. Your back breaks, your bones creak, your wife screeches at you, and your children torment you with open begging mouths, like greedy baby birds in the nest. You go to bed every night so tired and beaten that you pray to the Lord to send the angel of death to take you in your sleep so you don't have to face another morning. It also has its downside.Christopher Moore
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Children see magic because they look for it.Christopher Moore
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You cannot believe what you do not believe, Rumi siad. I am an Untouchable because my karma dictates it.Christopher Moore
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We were seekers. You are that which is sought, Joshua. You are the source. The end is divinity, in the beginning is the word. You are the word.Christopher Moore
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The three jewels of Tao: compassion, moderation, and humility. Balthasar said compassion leads to courage, moderation leads to generosity, and humility leads to leadership.Christopher Moore
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The medium obscured the message.Christopher Moore
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A question asked in earnest, deserves an earnest answer.Christopher Moore
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If there was anything I learned from John the Baptist, it was that the sooner you confess a mistake, the quicker you can get on to making new and better mistakes.Christopher Moore
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It was the sound of a thousand hungry children crying, ten thousand widows tearing their hair over their husband's graves, a chorus of angels singing the last dirge on the day of God's death.Christopher Moore
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It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.Christopher Moore
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That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.Christopher Moore
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The Angel Gabriel disappeared once for sixty years and they found him on earth hiding in the body of a man named Miles Davis.Christopher Moore
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She hugged me and I could feel the heat rise in my face, either from shame or love, like there was a difference.Christopher Moore
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You know what? You know what? You know what?' I was waving my finger under her nose. 'You scratched the Son of God. That's your ass, that's what.Christopher Moore