1
Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirtDarynda Jones
2
My fore-parts, as you so ineloquently put it, have names.” I pointed to my right breast. “This is Danger.” Then my left. “And this is Will Robinson. I would appreciate it if you addressed them accordingly.” After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, “You named your breasts?” I turned my back to him with a shrug. “I named my ovaries, too, but they don’t get out as much.Darynda Jones
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I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.Darynda Jones
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After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?" I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much.Darynda Jones
5
I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.Darynda Jones
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You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirtDarynda Jones
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I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.Darynda Jones
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Ambulances were cool. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts, ” I said to the EMT as I picked up a silver gadget that looked disturbingly like an alien orifice probe, broke it, then promptly put it back, hoping it wouldn’t leave someone’s life hanging in the balance because the EMT couldn’t alien-probe his orifices.Darynda Jones
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You called me at four thirty-four.... I hate four thirty-four. I think four thirty-four should be banned and replaced with something more reasonable, like, say, nine twelve.Darynda Jones
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My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up.- Charley DavidsonDarynda Jones
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Nobody wants to look like a fool. Nine times out of ten, thatreason alone keeps people from allowing themselves to believe.Darynda Jones
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He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought.Darynda Jones
13
I know what kind of man it takes to get involved with something as barbarous as human trafficking.”“ I get it, Swopes. He’s not the kind of man you take home to meet yourstepmom.” I rethought that. “Wait a minute. Maybe my stepmom would like to meet him. Do you think he ships to Istanbul?Darynda Jones
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Why do you suppose I’m here?” I asked him. Angel. A thirteen-year-old departed gangbanger. “Just ’cause you’re supposed to be, I guess.Darynda Jones
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That took balls."" Please, " I said with a snort, "that took ovaries. Of which I have two.Darynda Jones
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Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.Darynda Jones
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If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.Darynda Jones
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Amber was busy flirting with a rookie named Dead Meat if he didn’t stop flirting back. She was eleven, for heaven’s sake! Of course, he may have just been humoring her. And it was a little cute. In a gross, Chester-the-molester kind of way.Darynda Jones
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You just seem so sad, ” I said, dialing voice mail. “Like someone stole your favorite nine millimeter.”“ I’m not sad.” He started down the hall, then turned back. “Least not when I look at you.”.Darynda Jones
20
Gemma had blond hair and blue eyes. I did not. Gemma was always an A student. I was more of a B-all-you-can-be kind of gal. When Gemma was into science, I was into skipping. When Gemma was into foreign languages, I was into the hot Italian guy down the street.Darynda Jones
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And I like the light-up.”“ The what?”“ The light-up, ” he’d say. “You know, that look people get when they finally realize you’re for real. It’s like electricity. It makes me tingle all over. Like a blanket full of static.” Ew. “Really? I’ve never heard that.”“ Yeah, and I like it when people realize we’re out here.” I leaned in close once and asked him, “Do you want your mom to realize you’re out here? Do you want her to know?”“ Nah. It took her too long to get over me.” All in all, he was a good kid. .Darynda Jones
22
The woman eyed Ubie a moment before grabbing a pen and writing down the dates I had. Ubie eyed her back. Sparks flew.Darynda Jones
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We’re going down to the Margarita Grill to smell the lobster, then we’re going to watch the sunrise, and in between we’ll probably have hot, unsafe animal sex.Darynda Jones
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. –STEVEN WRIGHTDarynda Jones
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You rented the apartment with a dead guy in the corner?” I shrugged. “I wanted the apartment, and I figured I could cover him up with a bookcase or something.Darynda Jones
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You do have a tendency to severe spinal cords."" Only for you.Darynda Jones
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Never wait for your muse. Train him/her to show up to work when you do by pushing on. It's a dominant submission thing.Darynda Jones
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We all have a certain knowledge about how the universe works. And when someone comes along and challenges that knowledge, we don’t know how to deal with it. We aren’t hardwired that way. It’s difficult to question everything you’ve ever thought to be true. So, like I said, it’s not your fault. You can believe me or not, but whichever you choose, you’re the one who has to deal with the consequences. So make your decision wisely, grasshopper,.Darynda Jones