Quotes From "Dreamland" By Sarah Dessen

I'd heard of Evergreen Care Center before. Cass and I had always made fun of the stupid ads they ran on TV, featuring some dragged-out woman with a limp perm and big, painted-on circles under her eyes, downing vodka and sobbing uncontrollably. "We can't heal you at Evergreen", the very somber voiceover said. "But we can help you to heal yourself." It had become our own running joke, applicable to almost anything. "Hey Cass, "I'd say, "hand me that toothpaste." "Caitlin, " she'd say, her voice dark and serious. "I can't hand you the toothpaste. But I CAN help you hand the toothpaste to yourself. . Sarah Dessen

So what's your doll's name?" Boo asked me." Barbie, " I said. "All their names are Barbie.""I see, " she said. "Well, I'd think that would get boring, everyone having the samename." I thought about this, then said, "Okay, then her name is Sabrina.""Well, that's a very nice name, " Boo said. I remember she was baking bread, kneading the doughbetween her thick fingers. "What does she do?"" Do?" I said." Yes." She flipped the dough over and started in on it from the other side. "Whatdoes she do?"" She goes out with Ken, " I said." And what else?"" She goes to parties, " I said slowly. "And shopping."" Oh, " Boo said, nodding." She can't work?"" She doesn't have to work, " I said." Why not?"" Because she's Barbie.""I hate to tell you, Caitlin, but somebody has to make payments on that town houseand the Corvette, "Boo said cheerfully. "Unless Barbie has a lot of family money." I considered this while I put on Ken's pants. Boo started pushing the dough into a pan, smoothing it with her hand over the top." You know what Ithink, Caitlin?" Her voice was soft and nice, the way she always spoke to me." What?"" I think your Barbie can go shopping, and go out with Ken, and also have aproductive and satisfyingcareer of her own." She opened the oven and slid in the bread pan, adjusting itsposition on the rack." But what can she do?" My mother didn't work and spent her time cleaning thehouse and going to PTA.I couldn't imagine Barbie, whose most casual outfit had sequins and go-go boots, doing s.uch things. Boo came over and plopped right down beside me. I always rememberher being on my level; she'd siton the edge of the sandbox, or lie across her bed with me and Cass as we listened tothe radio." Well, " she said thoughtfully, picking up Ken and examining his perfect physique." What do you want todo when you grow up?" I remember this moment so well; I can still see Boo sitting there on the floor, cross-legged, holding my Ken and watching my face as she tried to make me see that between my mother's P T A and Boo'sstrange ways there was a middle ground that began here with my Barbie, Sab-rina, and led right to me." Well, " I said abruptly, "I want to be in advertising." I have no idea where this camefrom." Advertising, " Boo repeated, nodding. "Okay. Advertising it is. So Sabrina has to goto work every day, coming up with ideas for commercialsand things like that."" She works in an office, " I went on. "Sometimes she has to work late."" Sure she does, " Boo said. "It's hard to get ahead. Even if you're Barbie.""Because she wants to get promoted, " I added. "So she can pay off the town house. And the Corvette.""Very responsible of her, " Boo said." Can she be divorced?" I asked. "And famous for her commercialsand ideas?"" She can be anything, " Boo told me, and this is what I remember most, her freckledface so solemn, as ifshe knew she was the first to tell me. "And so can you. Sarah Dessen

Just start somewhere, " Dr. Marshall had said to me as I ground a banana-pineapple one to bits between my teeth. "It doesn't have to be at the beginning." She'd pulled her legs up, Indian-style, letting the legal pad she'd been holding drop to the floor." I thought everything always had to start at the beginning, " I said. "Not in this room, " she said easily. "Go ahead, Caitlin. Just tell me one thing. It gets easier, I promise. The first thing is always the hardest." I looked down at my hands, stained mildly red from the particularly sticky watermelon Rancher. "Okay, " I said, reaching forward to take another one out of the bowl, just in case. She was already sitting back in her chair, readying herself for whatever glimpse I would give her into the mess I'd become. "What was the name of Pygmalion's sister?" She blinked, twice, obviously surprised. "Ummm, " she said, keeping her eyes on me. "I don't know."" Rogerson did, " I told her. "Rogerson knew everything. Sarah Dessen

All we had was her room, her stories, and the quiet that settled in as we tried in vain to spread ourselves out and fill the space she'd left behind. Sarah Dessen

I reached up with my finger and traced the scar over my eyebrow, remembering when that was the greatest hurt I'd ever known. Sarah Dessen

There were so many places in my time with Rogerson that I wished I could go back to, hitting the stop button at just one moment to stop everything that came after. I had so many If Onlys, but each place I thought to stop meant missing something that came later. I needed it all, in the end, to make my own story find its finish. Sarah Dessen

But what he didn't understand was that this dreamland was preferable, walking through this life half-sleeping, everything at arm's length or farther away. I understood those mermaids. I didn't care if they sang to me. All I wanted was to block out all the human voices as they called me name again and again, pulling me upward into light, to drown. Sarah Dessen

As long as I didn't say it aloud, it wasn't real Sarah Dessen

I can still see Boo sitting there on the floor, cross-legged, holding my Ken and watching my face as she tried to make me see that between my mother's P T A and Boo's strange ways there was a middle ground that began here with my Barbie, Sab-rina, and led right to me." She can be anything, " Boo told me, and this is what I remember most, her freckled face so solemn, as if she knew she was the first to tell me. "And so can you. Sarah Dessen