Scarlett, I don't know just when it was that the bleak realization came over me that my own private shadow show was over. Perhaps in the first five minutes at Bull Run when I saw the first man I killed drop to the ground. But I knew it was over and I could no longer be a spectator. No, I suddenly found myself on the curtain, an actor, posturing and making futile gestures. My little inner world was gone, invaded by people whose thoughts were not my thoughts, whose actions were as alien as a Hottentot's. They'd tramped through my world with slimy feet and there was no place left where I could take refuge when things became too bad to stand. When I was in prison, I thought: When the war is over, I can go back to the old life and the old dreams and watch the shadow show again. But, Scarlett, there's no going back. And this which is facing all of us now is worse than war and worse than prison–and, to me, worse than death.. So, you see, Scarlett, I'm being punished for being afraid. .Margaret Mitchell
About This Quote
In this quote, Scarlett is speaking to a friend, Ashley Wilkes. She is explaining why she has been behaving so badly towards her husband, Rhett Butler. She explains that she has been fighting with her husband by not supporting the actions of the group of men who are fighting in the Civil War. She also explains that she has been acting irrationally after the death of her father at the hands of Union Soldiers. Therefore, she says that she is being punished for her actions and that her entire life has become an act.
Source: Gone With The Wind
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