Usually adult males who are unable to make emotional connections with the women they choose to be intimate with are frozen in time, unable to allow themselves to love for fear that the loved one will abandon them. If the first woman they passionately loved, the mother, was not true to her bond of love, then how can they trust that their partner will be true to love. Often in their adult relationships these men act out again and again to test their partner's love. While the rejected adolescent boy imagines that he can no longer receive his mother's love because he is not worthy, as a grown man he may act out in ways that are unworthy and yet demand of the woman in his life that she offer him unconditional love. This testing does not heal the wound of the past, it merely reenacts it, for ultimately the woman will become weary of being tested and end the relationship, thus reenacting the abandonment. This drama confirms for many men that they cannot put their trust in love. They decide that it is better to put their faith in being powerful, in being dominant. .Bell Hooks
About This Quote
The idea here is that if someone has been hurt and abandoned by the woman they love, then they may never trust love again. The idea that one should never trust love because it can be taken away at any moment is a common theme in Western culture. This rejection of trust in love is tied to the fear that you will be hurt again, as well as the fear that you will lose control over your own life and make mistakes. This desire to control and protect oneself from their emotions is at the root of many phobias and other emotional disorders.
There are people who try to manage their emotional well-being by simply not letting themselves become attached to anyone ever again, especially romantic partners. They will hope and pray and fantasize that they will live their lives alone without ever needing another person, but eventually that feeling of loneliness can be too painful to bear. That man might then try to find a second wife, again hoping to find a woman who will not betray him.
If she does, he may turn violent and attack her, even if it means the end of his own life.
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