These people go on to tell us that mobile phones will cook our children’s ears, that long-haul flights will fill our legs with thrombosis and that meat is murder. They want an end to all deaths — and it doesn’t stop there. They don’t even see why anyone should have to suffer from a spot of light bruising. Every week, as we filmed my television chat show, food would be spilt on the floor, and every week the recording would have to be stopped so it could be swept away. ‘What would happen, ’ said the man from health and safety, ‘if a cameraman were to slip over?’ ‘Well, ’ I would reply, ‘he’d probably have to stand up again. Jeremy Clarkson
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