At cocktail parties, I played the part of a successful businessman's wife to perfection. I smiled, I made polite chit-chat, and I dressed the part. Denial and rationalization were two of my most effective tools in working my way through our social obligations. I believed that playing the roles of wife and mother were the least I could do to help support Tom's career. During the day, I was a puzzle with innumerable pieces. One piece made my family a nourishing breakfast. Another piece ferried the kids to school and to soccer practice. A third piece managed to trip to the grocery store. There was also a piece that wanted to sleep for eighteen hours a day and the piece that woke up shaking from yet another nightmare. And there was the piece that attended business functions and actually fooled people into thinking I might have something constructive to offer. I was a circus performer traversing the tightwire, and I could fall off into a vortex devoid of reality at any moment. There was, and had been for a very long time, an intense sense of despair. A self-deprecating voice inside told me I had no chance of getting better. I lived in an emotional black hole.p20-21, talking about dissociative identity disorder (formerly multiple personality disorder). Suzie Burke
About This Quote

When you lose yourself in self-pity, you are losing the best thing you have. It is not easy to see the opportunities that lie ahead, but it is far easier to see what you did wrong. It is also easier to make the changes necessary to change your mistakes than it is to wallow in regret. I knew for a fact that I could get up and move forward, but it was hard. The part of me that wanted to stay in my black hole was strong.

Source: Wholeness: My Healing Journey From Ritual Abuse

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