I shared with Fleur the mysterious self-contempt of the survivor. There were times we hated who we were, and who we had to become, in order not to follow those we loved into the next world. We grew hard. We became impenetrable, sparing of our pity. Sorrows that leveled other people were small to us. We made no move to avoid pain. Sometimes we even welcomed it--we were clumsy with knives, fire, boiling water, steel traps. Pain took our minds off the greater pain that was the mistake that we still existed. Louise Erdrich
About This Quote

The phrase "the mysterious self-contempt of the survivor" is an example of a passage from the novel "The World Is Round." The notion that you have to harden yourself so that if people are hurt you will not be hurt is quite disturbing. While people who have had close family members die can certainly understand this idea, it does not take away the pain that the person who lost their loved one might feel. It is not just about being strong, it is about being kind and being able to live life without hurting others.

Source: Four Souls

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