88 Quotes & Sayings By Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I finally figured out that not every crisis can be managed. As much as we want to keep ourselves safe, we can't protect ourselves from everything. If we want to embrace life, we also have to embrace chaos. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Did you eat my Twinkies?"She gulped. Keeping her eyes glued to the whip, she said, "Exactly what Twinkies are we talking about?"" The Twinkies in the cupboard over the sink. The only Twinkies in the trailer." His fingers convulsed around the coils of leather. Oh, Lord, she thought. Flayed to death for a Twinkle."Well?""It, uh – it won't happen again, I promise you. But they didn't have any special marking on them, so there was no way I could tell they were yours." Her eyes remained riveted on the whip. "And normally I wouldn't have eaten them– I never eat junk food-–but I was hungry last night, and, well, when you think about it, you'll have to admit I did you a favor because they're clogging my arteries now instead of yours." His voice was quiet. Too quiet. In her mind she heard the howl of a rampaging Cossack baying at a Russian moon. "Don't touch my Twinkies. Ever. If you want Twinkies, buy your own. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Disagreements over money are the biggest cause of divorce." She waved her hand. "Absolutely no problem. Your money is our money. My money is my money." She wrote away." I should make you negotiate with Phoebe. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

You couldn't be satisfied with being an amateur asshole, could you, Jimbo! You had to go and turn pro on me! Susan Elizabeth Phillips

You never get mad, ” she said when their server left the table. “Except at me.”“ That’s not true, ” he said tightly. “Torie can get me going.”“ Torie doesn’t count. You were obviously her mother in a previous life. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

He shook his head. "The next time I hear a women going on about how neurotic men are, I'm going to remember this. You tell me you like my body, and what do I say? I say, thank you. Then I tell you I like yours and what do I hear? A long lists of grievances. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

She threw up her hands. "All right. Why not?" Why not?" Sure." His arms fell to his sides. "That's it? I pour my heart out. I love you so much I've got freakin' tears in my eyes. And all I get in return is 'Why not'?" What did you expect? Am I supposed to fall all over you just because you've finally come to your senses?" Would it be too much to ask?".. He'd begun to glare at her again, his eyes growing stormier by the minute." When do you think you might be ready? To fall all over me, that is. . Susan Elizabeth Phillips

You know that we've got a few problems we need to talk through before we get married."" I'm not getting rid of Pooh.""See, there you go being antagonistic. Marriage means learning to compromise."" I didn't say I wouldn't compromise. I promise to take the ribbon out of her topknot before you walk her. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Now, this is where I draw the line! It's bad enough everybody in town's going to be thinkin' I'm sleeping with a depressed, lice-ridden, hemorrhoidal foreigner who likes to be tied up and might be pregnant, although-since she's just about cornered the market on condoms- I don't know how that could have happened. But I will not-you listen to me, Emma! -I absolutely will not have anybody thinkin' a woman of mine needs a vaginal moisturizer, do you hear me? . Susan Elizabeth Phillips

The engine roared to life. He ran toward her. She shot our of her parking space. He rushed to the side of her car. "Stop it, Kristy! You're overreacting! Let's talk about this." That was when she did the unthinkable. She rolled down the window, thrust out her hand, and gave Reverend Ethan Bonner the bird. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Do you really expect me to fall apart every time another woman throws herself at you? Because, if that's so, I'll be a nervous wreck before the honeymoon's over. Although, if they do it in front of me..." He went still. "Did you just propose to me?" She bristled. "Do you have a problem with that?" The scoreboard lit up, and he gave the world a high five. "God, I love you. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

He grinned, and right then it occurred to him that he hadn't enjoyed himself so much with a woman in a very long time. If Annabelle Granger were a few inches taller, a hell of a lot more sophisticated, better organized, less bossy, and more inclined to worship at his feet, she'd have made a perfect wife. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I paid you five thousand instead and promised the balance only if you made the match. As it turns out, this is your lucky day because I've decided to write you the full check, whether the match comes from you or from Portia. As long as I have a wife and you've been part of the process, you'll get your money." He toasted her with his beer mug. "Congratulations."She put down her fork. "Why would you do that?"" Because it's efficient."" Not as efficient as having Powers handle her own introductions. You're paying her a fortune to do exactly that."" I'd rather have you." Her pulse kicked. "Why?"He gave her the melty smile he must have been practicing since the cradle, one that made her feel as though she was the only woman in the world. "Because you're easier to bully. Do we have a deal or not?"" You don't want a matchmaker. You want a lackey."" Semantics. My hours are erratic, and my schedule changes without warning. It'll be your job to cope with all that. You'll soothe ruffled feathers when I need to cancel at the last minute. You'll keep my dates company when I'm going to be late, entertain them if I have to take a call. If things are going well, you'll disappear. If not, you'll make the woman disappear. I told you before. I work hard at my job. I don't want to have to work hard at this, too."" Basically, you expect me to find your bride, court her, and hand her over at the altar. Or do I have to come on the honeymoon, too?"" Definitely not." He gave her a lazy smile. "I can take care of that all by myself. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Never mind that. What's going on with you and Heath?"Annabelle pulled a little wide-eyed innocence out of her rusty bag of college acting skills." What do you mean? Business.""Don't give me that. We've been friends too long." She switched to a furrowed brow. "He's my most important client. You know how much this means to me." Molly wasn't buying it. "I've seen the way you look at him. Like he was a slot machine with triple sevens tattooed on his forehead. If you fall in love with him, I swear I'll never speak toyou again." Annabelle nearly choked. She'd known Molly would be suspicious, but she hadn't expected an outright confrontation. "Are you nuts? Setting aside the fact that he treats me like a flunky, I'd never fall for a workaholic after what I've had to go through with my family." Falling in lust, however, was an entirely different matter." He has a calculator for a heart, " Molly said. "I thought you liked him. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

What New York City football team did Joe Namath play for?"" The New York City Yankees! "A roar of laughter went up from the crowd, accompanied by more than a few loud groans. Bobby Tom silenced them all with a glare. At the same time, the glitter in his eyes dared any of them to contradict her. When he was certain every person there understood his message, he turned back to Gracie and gathered her into his arms. With a tender look and a gentle brush of his lips, he said, "Exactly right, sweetheart. I had no idea you knew so much about football." And that was how every last person in Telarosa, Texas, came to understand that Bobby Tom Denton had finally and forever fallen head over heels in love. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Something snapped inside her. “Of course I’m afraid! Relationships do bad things to me.” He started to respond, but the pain had gone on long enough, and she didn’t want to hear it. “You know what I want? I want peace. I want a good job and a decent place to live. I want to read books and listen to music and have time to make some female friendships that are going to last. When I wake up in the morning, I want to know that I have a decent shot at being happy. And here’s what’s really sad. Until I met you, I was almost there. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Colin : “Perhaps now is the time to tell you that I have a weakness for agreeable women.” Sugar Beth : “Well, that sure does leave me out.” Colin : “Exactly. With agreeable women, I’m unendingly considerate. Gallant even.” Sugar Beth : “But with tarts like me, the gloves are off, is that it?” Colin : “I wouldn’t exactly call you a tart. But then, I tend to be broad-minded.” She suppressed the urge to dump her porridge in his lap. . Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I take thee... to be my awful wedded husband Susan Elizabeth Phillips

The point I was trying to make before you interrupted with your inventoryof my personality is that neither of us is going to be able to stay celibate for the next six months." She dropped her eyes. If only he knew that she'd stayed that way all her life. We'll be living in close quarters, " he went on. "We're legally married, and it's only natural that we're going to get it on." Get it on? His bluntness reminded her that none of this meant anything to him emotionally, and contrary to all logic, she'd wanted to hear something romantic. With some pique, she said, "In other words, you expect me to keep house, work for the circus, and 'get it on' with you." He thought it over. "I guess that's about the size of it. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

If I could put my brain in her body, the world would be mine for the taking. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

If you 're serious about getting it on again, be sure to give me some advance notice, so I can grab my appointment calendar and block out three minutes. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

He tunneled his dirty hands through her hair and kissed her breathless. Her neck, her eyes, the corners of her mouth. He kissed her lips as if his life depended on it. Kissed their future into her. All they could have and all they could be. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

His writer's words poured over her like poetry, and she couldn't find a single wisecrack to put up between them. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I sure do miss that woman. Smart. Funny. Sweet. She never gave me a moment's trouble."" Gosh, I'm sorry about that. I knew it was boring between you two, but not that bad. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Throughout the course of the day, Bobby Tom's irritation over his artificially oiled and dirt-smeared chest and his unzipped jeans had flared into righteous indignation. They were treating him like a sex object! It was damned demeaning, that's what it was, being reduced to a set of oil pecs and a tight ass. Shit. A dozen years in the NFL, and this was what it had all come down to. Pecs and ass. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Maybe I should let my faithful manservant answer the rest of your questions, since he seems to have all the answers."" I'm saving her time, " Bodie replied. "She brings you a redhead, you'll give her grief. Look for women with class, Annabelle. That's most important. The sophisticated types who went to boarding schools and speak French. She has to be the real thing because he can spot a phony a mile away. And he likes them athletic."" Of course he does, " she said dryly. "Athletic, domestic, gorgeous, brilliant, socially connected, and pathologically submissive. It'll be a snap."" You forgot hot." Heath smiled. "And defeatist thinking is for losers. If you want to be a success in this world, Annabelle, you need a positive attitude. Whatever the client wants, you get it for him. First rule of a successful business."" Uh-huh. What about career women?"" I don't see how that would work."" The kind of potential mate you're describing isn't going to be sitting around waiting for her prince to show up. She's heading a major corporation. In between those Victoria's Secret modeling gigs." He lifted an eyebrow. "Attitude, Annabelle. Attitude. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

He gave Dancer one last pat. 'You're luckier than you know, pal. Living without a set of balls makes life a lot less complicated. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

This is a perfect example of how entirely out of hand the women in this country have gotten. You act like men aren't anything more than extraneous amusements, little toys to keep you entertained. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

If you want me, you'll have to earn me. And, mister, I don't come cheap. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

What are you gonna do, angel face? Stab me with your eyebrow pencil? Susan Elizabeth Phillips

He’d lapped at her ankles like a lovesick pup, and she’d been exactly what she was now, a woman born too beautiful and too rich to worry about a small thing like integrity. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

His mother?" Gracie couldn't believe it. Suzy Denton looked much too young to be his mother. And much too respectable. "But you're not a-" She cut herself off in mid-sentence as she realized what she'd almost let slip. Suzy's wedding ring clicked against the steering wheel as she gave it a hard smack. "I'm going to kill him! He's been telling that hooker story again, hasn't he? Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Dallas, is it remotely possible for you to carry on a conversation that's not loaded down with manure? Susan Elizabeth Phillips

At some point people either had to throw off the wounds of their childhood or go through life permanently crippled Susan Elizabeth Phillips

The door closed behind her (Phoebe), and the two men regarded each other for a moment. Viktor spoke first. "I must have your promise, Coach, that you won't hurt her." Dan: "I won't." Viktor: "You spoke a little too quickly for my taste. I don't quite believe you." Dan: "I'm a man of my word, and I promise I won't hurt her." He flexed his hands. "When I murder her, I'll do it real quick so she won't feel a thing." Viktor sighed. "That's exactly what I was afraid of. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Not to get all Zen on you, but maybe you should love yourself more. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Chasing after a guy who’s not interested in you will rip the hell out of your self-respect. Better to face facts now because the longer you put it off, the harder it’ll be. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

If the way you've been treating me is a mark of fondness, maybe you'd better take a fresh look at your interpersonal communication skills. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

His fists clenched at his sides. 'Damn it! Where's your pride?' 'Pride? It's in my heart, of course.' 'You're letting me demean you! ' She smiled. 'You can't do that. I can only demean myself. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

[Colin to Sugar Beth] I put my heart on every page. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Now, now. Southern ladies don’t French-kiss and tell. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I’m not beautiful. My mother–”“ I know. Your mother was a knockout, and you’re paper bag ugly.. Sorry to upset all those cherished illusions of yours, but I don’t see it your way.”“ That’s because you didn’t know her.”“ Could your mother have led tiger back into its cage?”“ Maybe not that, but she was very good with men. They’d do anything for her.”“ This man will do anything for you. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Old radicals never changed. They just got law degrees and updated their bag of tricks. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Maybe some poor slob would take you to bed if you weren’t such a ballbuster. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

He stopped to rest at a cart selling nuts and candy, bought himself some Jelly Belly's, flirted just enought with the Mexican cutie working there to convince her pull out the banana-flavored one. Although he liked his Jelly Belly's mixed up, he didn't like banana, but, since it took too much effort to pull them out himself, he generally tried to talk someone else into doing it. If that didn't work, he just ate 'em.- Kenny Traveler . Susan Elizabeth Phillips

When did my house turn into a hangout for every grossly overpaid, terminally pampered professional football player in northern Illinois?""We like it here, " Jason said. "It reminds us of home."" Plus, no women around." Leandro Collins, the Bears' first-string tight end emerged from the office munching on a bag of chips. "There's times when you need a rest from the ladies." Annabelle shot out her arm and smacked him in the side of the head. "Don't forget who you're talking to." Leandro had a short fuse, and he'd been known to take out a ref here and there when he didn't like a call, but the tight end merely rubbed the side of his head and grimaced. "Just like my mama."" Mine, too, " Tremaine said with happy nod. Annabelle spun on Heath. "Their mother! I'm thirty-one years old, and I remind them of their mothers."" You act like my mother, " Sean pointed out, unwisely as it transpired, because he got a swat in the head next. . Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Chip, I know you don't understand this, but I'd take it as a personal favor if you'd stop trying to marry your mother off to my brothers. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Who the hell is that?! Some call her Satan. Others, Beelzebub. She goes by many names. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I hate to admit this, but some days hearing about other people's problems actually cheers me up. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

The Cinderella story in reverse. I only wish there were ashes in the fireplace so I could order you to sweep them out. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

It was a bitch living with your old English teacher, especially when your old English teacher wasn’t old at all, and he had exactly the kind of body that most appealed to her, tall and lean, broad in the shoulder, narrow at the hip. Then there was his brain. It had taken her a lot of years to find that particular part of a man appealing, but she’d finally gotten in the habit, and she couldn’t seem to give it up. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Anything worth having is worth fighting for. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

He could deal with his guilt all by himself. Guilt didn't add up to love, an emotion she was done with forever. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I love you guilty. It makes it easier for me to wrap you around my finger. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Damn it! Are you so stupid you don't know what I'm going to do to you?" Her eyes bore into his without flinching. "Are you so stupid you haven't figured out yet that it doesn't matter? Susan Elizabeth Phillips

She reached into the pocket of her dress and threw the small stack of bills at him. They fluttered to the ground like broken dreams. "I hope you choke onevery penny."" Pick that up." She drew back her arm and slapped him as hard as she could. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

You're not having sex with him. I know these guys, and you don't. I'm trusting you with Claudia Reeshman. You need to trust me about Dean Robillard." She wouldn't let him off that easily. "You're looking for a wife. Maybe I'm just looking for a little fun." "If you need fun, " he shot back, 'I'll give you fun." She was stunned. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

In case you’re not bright enough to figure it out, there’s a real upside to having a sinner like me answer your phone. I lie, and your conscience stays clear. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

And no matter what anybody says, I don't believe all this trouble started when women got the vote. As far as I'm concerned, it goddamn well got started when you taught each other how to read. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I love you, Daisy. I love you so much I hurt. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Damn. It looks to me like I just missed the best reunion since Sherman got together with Atlanta. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

If I told you, you might be forced to lie about it. Not that you aren't really good at it, but why put an old man in that position? Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Wouldn't you like to make sure all those millions you give to Uncle Sam went to schools and hospitals instead of nuclear warheads?' As a matter of fact, he would. Playgrounds for big kids, preschool programs to little ones, and mandatory LASIK surgery for NFL refs. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Eat your heart out. Oh, wait. You can’t. It’s not organic. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Was there some basic flaw in her makeup that made her keep falling in love with this man who couldn’t love her back? Susan Elizabeth Phillips

You'll need to do a better job, Annabelle. No more dates like the first one tonight."" Agreed. And no more making me sit through your Power Matches introductions, either. As you so wisely pointed out, helping Portia Powers isn't in my best interests."" Then why are you still trying to talk me into seeing Melanie again?"" Hunger makes me weird."" You got rid of the last one in fourteen minutes. Well done. I'm rewarding you by letting you sit in on all the introductions from now on." She nearly choked on an ice cube. "What are you talking about?"" Exactly what I said. . Susan Elizabeth Phillips

When that bastard calls back, you tell him he’s won this round. I’ll marry him. But I don’t take well to being blackmailed, and tell him I intend to spend the rest of my life making him miserable, got that? Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Hold it right there. The only agreement we ever had was that you intended to make me as miserable as possible, and I intended to courageously make the best of an intolerable situation like valiant Southern women have always done. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

You have a college degree? You can barely talk. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

He set the suitcases in the back then tossed her the keys. "You drive." She repressed a smile as she climbed behind the wheel. "With each passing day, your reasons for wanting a wife become clearer. Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I was kidding. Even I'm not that promiscuous. You guru people have no sense of humor.”“ I'm not a guru people, and I happen to have a very well developed sense of humor. Why else would I still be talking to you? Susan Elizabeth Phillips