33 Quotes & Sayings By Spike Milligan

Spike Milligan (1918–2002) was an English humorist, playwright, actor, and cartoonist. He was one of the most influential writers of the 20th century. His best-known works include The Goon Show, Bedtime With Spike Milligan, I'm Only A Pop-Up Book and The Life of Colonel Blimp.

(On his gravestone):
1
(On his gravestone): "I told you I was ill". Spike Milligan
Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
2
Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death. Spike Milligan
Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee....
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Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use?2 B or not 2B? Spike Milligan
A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds...
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush Spike Milligan
My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
5
My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic. Spike Milligan
6
On the Ning Nang NongWhere the Cows go Bong! And the Monkeys all say Boo! Theres a Nang Nong NingWhere the trees go Ping! And the tea pots Jibber Jabber JooOn the Nong Ning NangAll the Mice go Clang! And you just cant catch em when they do! So its Ning Nang Nong! Cows go Bong! Nong Nang Ning! Trees go Ping! Nong Ning Nang! The mice go Clang! What a noisy place to belong, Is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong! . Spike Milligan
After Puckoon I swore I'd never write another book. This...
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After Puckoon I swore I'd never write another book. This is it Spike Milligan
The clock in the church tower said 4.32, as it...
8
The clock in the church tower said 4.32, as it had done for three hundred years. It was right once a day and that was better than no clock at all. Spike Milligan
R.I.P.Tom Conlon O'Rourke.Not Dead, just Sleeping.
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R.I.P.Tom Conlon O'Rourke.Not Dead, just Sleeping. Spike Milligan
With a roof over his head he had ceased to...
10
With a roof over his head he had ceased to work, living off his [war] pension and his wits, both hopelessly inadequate. Spike Milligan
11
Busty’ Roberts had joined the Royal Artillery in 1914 and since then had steadily risen to the rank of Gunner. Now the crunch: someone with a perverted sense of humour made him a Lance Bombardier. Roberts went insane with power. The war now consisted of two people, him and Hitler. Spike Milligan
12
Some people live a nothing life: the most important thing they ever do is die. Thank God for eccentrics! Take Gunner Octavian Neat. He would suddenly appear naked in a barrack room and say, “Does anybody know a good tailor?”, or “Gentlemen — I think there’s a thief in the battery.” He was the bane of the Regiment. Spike Milligan
13
...Roberts had joined the Royal Artillery in 1914 and since then had steadily risen to the rank of Gunner. Now the crunch: someone with a perverted sense of humour made him a Lance Bombardier. Roberts went insane with power. The war now consisted of two people, him and Hitler. Spike Milligan
14
Life wasn't too bad. The trouble with Man was, even while he was having a good time, he didn't appreciate it. Why, thought Milligan, this very moment might be the happiest in me life. The very thought of it made him miserable. Spike Milligan
15
Author? Author? Did you write these legs?'' Yes."' Well, I don't like dem. I don't like 'em at all at all. I could ha' writted better legs meself. Spike Milligan
16
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one. Spike Milligan
17
Money can't buy friends but you can get a better class of enemy. Spike Milligan
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Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. Spike Milligan
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I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare but then I thought Why should I? He never reads any of mine. Spike Milligan
20
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. Spike Milligan
21
The experience of being in the Army changed my whole life; I never believed that an organization such as ours could ever go to war, leave alone win it. It was, as Yeats remarked of the Easter Rising, 'A terrible beauty.' Spike Milligan
22
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy. Spike Milligan
23
Thankfully, we didn't stop at Malta. I think Malta was thankful, too. Spike Milligan
24
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. Spike Milligan
25
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. Spike Milligan
26
It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't. Spike Milligan
27
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. Spike Milligan
28
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. Spike Milligan
29
I can speak Esperanto like a native. Spike Milligan
30
Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy. Spike Milligan
31
When I get depressed, I try to get something for the terrible sadness that comes over me and create something in terms of poetry. Spike Milligan
32
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic. Spike Milligan