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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affectionSharon Salzberg
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You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.Sharon Salzberg
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If you’re reading these words, perhaps it’s because something has kicked open the door for you, and you’re ready to embrace change. It isn’t enough to appreciate change from afar, or only in the abstract, or as something that can happen to other people but not to you. We need to create change for ourselves, in a workable way, as part of our everyday lives.Sharon Salzberg
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Smiling at someone can have significant health consequences.Sharon Salzberg
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Seeking happiness is not the problem. The problem is that we often do not know where and how to find genuine happiness and so make the mistakes that cause suffering for ourselves & others.Sharon Salzberg
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When you recognize and reflect on even one good thing about yourself, you are building a bridge to a place of kindness and caring.Sharon Salzberg
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Never feel ashamed of your longing for happiness.Sharon Salzberg
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Clinging to our ideas of perfection isolates us from life and is a barrier.Sharon Salzberg
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For any marginalized group to change the story that society tells about them takes courage and perseverance.Sharon Salzberg
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The idea that traumatic residues–or unresolved stories–can be inherited is groundbreaking.Sharon Salzberg
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The unconscious mind is a vast repository of experiences and associations that sorts things out much faster than the slow-moving conscious mind.Sharon Salzberg
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The practice of sympathetic joy is rooted in inner development. It’s not a matter of learning techniques to “make friends and influence people.” Instead, we build the foundations of our own happiness. When our own cup is full, we more easily share it with others.Sharon Salzberg
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Sometimes people in abusive situations think they’re responsible for the other person’s happiness or that they’re going to fix them and make them feel better. The practice of equanimity teaches that it’s not all up to you to make someone else happy.Sharon Salzberg
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Buddhism has a term for the happiness we feel at someone else’s success or good fortune. Sympathetic joy, as it is known, invites us to celebrate for others.Sharon Salzberg
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Even as we recognize our resentment, bitterness, or jealousy, we can also honor our own wish to be happy, to feel free.Sharon Salzberg
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The more we identify and acknowledge moments when we’re unable to share in someone else’s pleasure and ask ourselves whether another person’s happiness truly jeopardizes our own, the more we pave the way for experiencing sympathetic joySharon Salzberg
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The more we practice sympathetic joy, the more we come to realize that the happiness we share with others is inseparable from our own happiness.Sharon Salzberg
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It is awareness of both our shared pain and our longing for happiness that links us to other people and helps us to turn toward them with compassion.Sharon Salzberg
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The difference between a life laced through with frustration and one sustained by happiness depends on whether it is motivated by self-hatred or by real love for oneself.Sharon Salzberg
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When we can step back even briefly from our hurt, sorrow, and anger, when we put our faith in the possibility of change, we create the possibility for non-judgmental inquiry that aims for healing rather than victory.Sharon Salzberg
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It is never too late to turn on the light. Your ability to break an unhealthy habit or turn off an old tape doesn't depend on how long it has been running; a shift in perspective doesn't depend on how long you've held on to the old view. When you flip the switch in that attic, it doesn't matter whether its been dark for ten minutes, ten years or ten decades. The light still illuminates the room and banishes the murkiness, letting you see the things you couldn't see before. Its never too late to take a moment to look.Sharon Salzberg
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We are all too often told by someone that we are too old, too young, too different, too much the same, and those comments can be devastating.Sharon Salzberg
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Mindfulness helps us get better at seeing the difference between what’s happening and the stories we tell ourselves about what’s happening, stories that get in the way of direct experience. Often such stories treat a fleeting state of mind as if it were our entire and permanent self.Sharon Salzberg
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Mindfulness, also called wise attention, helps us see what we’re adding to our experiences, not only during meditation sessions but also elsewhere.Sharon Salzberg
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People turn to meditation because they want to make good decisions, break bad habits & bounce back better from disappointments.Sharon Salzberg
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Meditation is essentially training our attention so that we can be more aware– not only of our own inner workings but also of what’s happening around us in the here & now.Sharon Salzberg
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Because the development of inner calm & energy happens completely within & isn’t dependent on another person or a particular situation, we begin to feel a resourcefulness and independence that is quite beautiful–and a huge relief.Sharon Salzberg
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Cultivation of positive emotions, including self-love and self-respect, strengthens our inner resources and opens us to a broader range of thoughts and actions.Sharon Salzberg
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Genuine awe connects us with the world in a new way.Sharon Salzberg
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Real love allows for failure and suffering.Sharon Salzberg
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The starting place for radical re-imagining of love is mindfulness.Sharon Salzberg
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The costs of keeping secrets include our growing isolation due to fear of detection and the ways we shut down inside to avoid feeling the effects of our behavior. We can never afford to be truly seen and known–even by ourselves.Sharon Salzberg
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A key barometer to help us weigh the rightness of our actions is self-respect.Sharon Salzberg
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The wholesome pursuit of excellence feels quite different from perfectionism.Sharon Salzberg
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We need the courage to learn from our past and not live in it.Sharon Salzberg
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As we explore new ways of thinking, we need to be willing to investigate, experiment, take some risks with our attention, and stretch.Sharon Salzberg
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Forgiveness can be bittersweet. It contains the sweetness of the release of a story that has caused us pain, but also the poignant reminder that even our dearest relationships change over the course of a lifetime.Sharon Salzberg
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When we respond to our pain and suffering with love, understanding, and acceptance–for ourselves, as well as others– over time, we can let go of our anger, even when we’ve been hurt to the core. But that doesn’t mean we ever forget.Sharon Salzberg
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We cannot simply forgive and forget, nor should we.Sharon Salzberg
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To forgive, we may need to open our minds to a fuller exploration of the context in which the events occurred, and feel compassion for the circumstances and everyone involved, starting with ourselves.Sharon Salzberg
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Ultimately, we forgive others in order to free ourselves.Sharon Salzberg
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Real forgiveness in close relationships is never easy. It can’t be rushed or engineered.Sharon Salzberg
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We nurture our sense of connection with the larger whole, noticing that the whole is only as healthy as its smallest part.Sharon Salzberg
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A relationship is the union of two psychological systems.Sharon Salzberg
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When we set an intention to explore our emotional hot spots, we create a pathway to real love.Sharon Salzberg
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Often in close relationships, the subject being discussed is not the subject at all.Sharon Salzberg
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You don't have to love yourself unconditionally before you can give or receive real love.Sharon Salzberg
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When we develop our ability to love in one realm, we simultaneously nourish our ability in others, as long as we remain open to the flow of insight and compassion.Sharon Salzberg
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So often we operate from ideas of love that don’t fit our reality.Sharon Salzberg
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Feelings of apathy as they relate to our relationships often stem from insufficiently paying attention to those around us.Sharon Salzberg
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Only when we start to distinguish reality from fantasy that we can humbly, with eyes wide open, forge loving and sustainable connections with others.Sharon Salzberg
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What makes awe such a powerful call to love is that it’s disruptive. It sneaks up on us. It doesn’t ask our permission to wow us; it just does. Awe can arise from a single glance, a sound, a gesture.Sharon Salzberg
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One foundation of loving relationships is curiosity, keeping open to the idea that we have much to learn even about those we have been close to for decades.Sharon Salzberg
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When we don’t tell those we love about what’s really going on or listen carefully to what they have to say, we tend to fill in the blanks with stories.Sharon Salzberg
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Although much of the work we do in committed relationships we do with our partners, sometimes it’s necessary to start with ourselves.Sharon Salzberg
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With our close friends, family members, and lovers, we hope to create a special world, one in which we can expect to be treated fairly, with care, tenderness, and compassion.Sharon Salzberg
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Be open to the possibility that there are other paths available to you in relating to yourself and to another.Sharon Salzberg
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Without equanimity, we might give love to others only in an effort to bridge the inevitable and healthy space that always exists between two people.Sharon Salzberg
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Whether we fear the existence of boundaries with others or crave more of them, there’s no denying that individuation and separation are inevitable parts of loving relationships that become the site of tension.Sharon Salzberg
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We have to know ourselves to know where we end and another person begins, and we have to develop the skills to navigate the space between us. Or else we will seek wholeness through false means that honor neither us nor those we love.Sharon Salzberg
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How we traverse the space between us when conflict arises has a profound effect on the health and longevity of our relationships.Sharon Salzberg
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A particularly difficult line to navigate is the one between fear and love, especially for parents, who want more than anything to protect their children from suffering.Sharon Salzberg
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The paradigm for our relationships is formed from our earliest experiences and is actually hardwired into our neurological and emotional network.Sharon Salzberg
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Letting go of the belief that we’re powerless to help relieve our own suffering enhances our ability not only to heal but also to genuinely love and receive the love of others.Sharon Salzberg
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The key in letting go is practice. Each time we let go, we disentangle ourselves from our expectations and begin to experience things as they are.Sharon Salzberg
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Mindfulness won’t ensure you’ll win an argument with your sister. Mindfulness won’t enable you to bypass your feelings of anger or hurt either. But it may help you see the conflict in a new way, one that allows you to break through old patterns.Sharon Salzberg
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We learn from conflicts only when we are willing to do so.Sharon Salzberg
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To truly love ourselves, we must challenge our beliefs that we need to be different or better.Sharon Salzberg
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As soon as we ask whether or not a story is true in the present moment, we empower ourselves to re-frame it.Sharon Salzberg
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Maybe what we really need is to change our relationship to what is, to see who we are with the strength of a generous spirit & a wise heart.Sharon Salzberg
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Until we begin to question our basic assumptions about ourselves and view them as fluid, not fixed, it’s easy to repeat established patterns and, out of habit, reenact old stories that limit our ability to live and love ourselves with an open heart.Sharon Salzberg
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Living in a story of a limited self–to any degree–is not love.Sharon Salzberg
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Identifying the source of our personal narratives helps us to release its negative aspects and re-frame it in ways that promote wholeness.Sharon Salzberg
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Cultivating loving kindness for ourselves is the foundation of real love for our friends and family, for new people we encounter in our daily lives, for all beings and for life itself.Sharon Salzberg
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When we experience inner impoverishment, love for another too easily becomes hunger: for reassurance, for acclaim, for affirmation of our worth.Sharon Salzberg
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Love is a living capacity within us that is always present, even when we don’t sense it.Sharon Salzberg
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Sanskrit has different words to describe love for a brother or sister, love for a teacher, love for a partner, love for one’s friends, love of nature, and so on. English has only one word, which leads to never-ending confusion.Sharon Salzberg
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When our focus is on seeking, perfecting, or clinging to romance, the charge is often generated by instability, rather than by an authentic connection with another person.Sharon Salzberg
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Real Love may run on a lower voltage, but it’s also more grounded & sustainable.Sharon Salzberg
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From our first breath to our last, we’re presented again and again with the opportunity to experience deep, lasting, and trans-formative connection with other beings: to love them and be loved by them; to show them our true natures and to recognize theirs.Sharon Salzberg
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Buddhist teachings discourage us from clinging and grasping to those we hold dear, and from trying to control the people or the relationship. What’s more, we’re encouraged to accept the impermanence of all things: the flower that blooms today will be gone tomorrow, the objects we possess will break or fade or lose their utility, our relationships will change, life will end.Sharon Salzberg
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Whatever language we use use to describe healthy relationships, when we’re in them, we feel nourished by them, in body as well as mind.Sharon Salzberg
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When we constantly hear that we should be smarter, better connected, more productive, wealthier–it takes real courage to claim the time and space to follow the currents of our talents, our aspirations, and our hearts, which may lead in a very different direction.Sharon Salzberg
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Intellectually, we may appreciate that loving ourselves would give us a firm foundation but for most of us this is a leap of logic, not a leap of the heart.Sharon Salzberg
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Though it may seem counter intuitive to our inner perfectionist, recognizing our mistakes as valuable lessons (not failures) helps us lay the groundwork for later success.Sharon Salzberg
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We long for permanence but everything in the known universe is transient. That’s a fact but one we fight.Sharon Salzberg
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Science tells us that love not only diminishes the experience of physical pain but can make us–and our beloveds–healthier.Sharon Salzberg
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Evolutionary biologists tell us we have a “negativity bias” that makes our brains remember negative events more strongly than positive ones. So when we’re feeling lost or discouraged, it can be very hard to conjure up memories and feelings of happiness and ease.Sharon Salzberg
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When we pay attention to sensations in our bodies, we can feel that love is the energetic opposite of fear.Sharon Salzberg
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Love seems to open and expand us right down to the cellular level, while fear causes us to contract and withdraw into ourselves.Sharon Salzberg
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There is a sentiment common among most of us when it comes to love–letting go can feel scary.Sharon Salzberg
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There are an incalculable–even infinite–number of situations in which we can practice forgiveness. Expecting it to be a singular action–motivated by the sheer imperative to move on and forget–can be more damaging than the original feelings of anger. Accepting forgiveness as pluralistic and as an ongoing, individualized process opens us up to realize the role that our own needs play in conflict resolution.Sharon Salzberg
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Loving kindness is the practice of offering to oneself and others wishes to be happy, peaceful, healthy, strongSharon Salzberg
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We begin to cultivate real love for ourselves when we treat ourselves with compassion.Sharon Salzberg
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A lack of real love for ourselves is one of the most constricting, painful conditions we can know.Sharon Salzberg
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Forgiveness is a personal process that doesn’t depend on us having direct contact with the people who have hurt us.Sharon Salzberg
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When we forgive someone, we don’t pretend that the harm didn’t happen or cause us pain. We see it clearly for what it was, but we also come to see that fixating on the memory of harm generates anger and sadness.Sharon Salzberg
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When we truly allow ourselves to feel our own pain, over time it comes to seem less personal. We start to recognize that what we’ve perceived as our pain is, at a deeper level, the pain inherent in human existence.Sharon Salzberg
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Forgiveness is the way we break the grip that long-held resentments have on our hearts.Sharon Salzberg
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Healing comes in many ways, and no one formula fits all.Sharon Salzberg