1
The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.Roseanne Barr
2
Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.Roseanne Barr
3
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.Roseanne Barr
4
The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.Roseanne Barr
5
I figure when my husband comes home from work, if the kids are still alive, then I've done my job.Roseanne Barr
6
To expect life to treat you good is foolish as hoping a bull won't hit you because you are a vegetarian.Roseanne Barr
7
We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.Roseanne Barr
8
You may marry the man of your dreams ladies but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.Roseanne Barr
9
The one who cares the most wins.... That's how I knew I'd end up with everyone else waving the white flags and not me. That's how I knew I'd be the last person standing when it was all over.... I cared the most.Roseanne Barr
10
I survived my childhood by birthing many separate identities to stand in for one another in times of great stress and fear.Roseanne Barr
11
The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just take it.Roseanne Barr
12
My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.Roseanne Barr
13
And, you know, I liked writing humor. Well, I should say, I wanted to write seriously, but it kept turning funny.Roseanne Barr
14
I know that I pay 48 percent of my income to taxes. You know, I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't going just to export war. If it was actually going to help the people of the United States, I would gladly pay more.Roseanne Barr
15
As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.Roseanne Barr
16
I'm a farmer now, and it's fantastic. My goal is to be totally self-sufficient and grow everything that I eat. There's something about earning your dinner that's cool.Roseanne Barr
17
Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.Roseanne Barr
18
I want to eat, cook, meet famous people and make fun of them.Roseanne Barr
19
Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of males? I have asked my god that question and She answered, 'Hey, why not you Roseanne?' Indeed, why not each of us?Roseanne Barr
20
The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.Roseanne Barr
21
I do kabbalistic meditation. It's not unlike time travel it can change the past and not just the future. You can look at what was lost and go beyond the grief of what was lost.Roseanne Barr
22
Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce.Roseanne Barr
23
I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.Roseanne Barr
24
A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego.Roseanne Barr
25
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?Roseanne Barr