1
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.Robert Orben
2
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.Robert Orben
3
Time flies. It’s up to you to be the navigator.Robert Orben
4
Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.Robert Orben
5
Most people want to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.Robert Orben
6
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that "individuality" is the key to success.Robert Orben
7
My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.Robert Orben
8
It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.Robert Orben
9
I may be forty but every morning when I get up I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately there's never one around.Robert Orben
10
New Yorkers are so impersonal if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all!Robert Orben
11
I take my children everywhere but they always find their way back home.Robert Orben
12
We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.Robert Orben
13
I don't want to say anything about my kids. .. but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!Robert Orben
14
Have you noticed when you go on a diet the first thing you lose is your temper.Robert Orben
15
"Wait'll next year! " is the favorite cry of baseball fans football fans hockey fans and gardeners.Robert Orben
16
Cheap? If he was at the Last Supper he would have asked for separate checks!Robert Orben
17
Planned obsolescence isn't a new idea - God always used it with people.Robert Orben
18
There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.Robert Orben
19
I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.Robert Orben
20
Did you ever see that painting the Mona Lisa. It always reminds me of a reporter listening to a politician.Robert Orben
21
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there I go to work.Robert Orben
22
It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.Robert Orben
23
What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?Robert Orben
24
I don't see why religion and science can't get along. What's wrong with counting our blessings with a computer?Robert Orben
25
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.Robert Orben
26
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.Robert Orben
27
Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.Robert Orben
28
I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.Robert Orben
29
President Ford used humor a great deal.Robert Orben
30
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.Robert Orben
31
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.Robert Orben
32
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.Robert Orben
33
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.Robert Orben
34
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.Robert Orben
35
I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips! ' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.Robert Orben
36
Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.Robert Orben
37
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.Robert Orben
38
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.Robert Orben
39
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?Robert Orben
40
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.Robert Orben
41
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.Robert Orben