1
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.Robert Benchley
2
The only cure for a real hangover is death.Robert Benchley
3
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.Robert Benchley
4
A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.Robert Benchley
5
There are two kinds of travel: first class and with children.Robert Benchley
6
Streets flooded. Please advise.Robert Benchley
7
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.Robert Benchley
8
The problem of what to wear while lolling about the house on a Sunday afternoon is becoming more and more acute as the fashions in lolling garments change. The American home is in danger of taking on the appearance of an Oriental bordello.Robert Benchley
9
Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.Robert Benchley
10
New York - The city where the people from Oshkosh look at the people from Dubuque in the next theater seats and say "These New Yorkers don't dress any better than we do.Robert Benchley
11
Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.Robert Benchley
12
In America there are two classes of travel - first class and with children.Robert Benchley
13
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things and I have succeeded fairly well.Robert Benchley
14
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.Robert Benchley
15
Go jogging? And get hit by a meteor?Robert Benchley
16
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.Robert Benchley
17
There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.Robert Benchley
18
A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.Robert Benchley
19
I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.Robert Benchley
20
Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.Robert Benchley
21
Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.Robert Benchley
22
In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.Robert Benchley
23
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.Robert Benchley
24
Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?Robert Benchley
25
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.Robert Benchley