47 Quotes & Sayings By Marian Keyes

Marian Keyes is a best-selling Irish-born author of novels, short stories and non-fiction books. She was born in Dublin and brought up in the west of Ireland. Her mother was a nurse and her father worked at the Guinness Brewery. After an unhappy marriage, Marian and her two young sons moved to London in 1988 Read more

Marian worked as a journalist for several publications including The Independent and The Observer before writing her first book, What's Not to Love, in 1995. Her second novel, Someone Like You, won the Irish Book Award for Fiction and The New York Times praised it as 'rarely has a debut novelist been so assured'. In 2003 she published her first travel guide, In Dublin.

In 2004 she published her first novel for children, Very Nearly Perfect, followed by My Beautiful Daughter in 2006. Her fifth novel Two Short Stories from Ireland appeared in 2009 and The Best of Marian Keyes: Twenty Years of Writing was published later that same year.

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.
1
Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up. Marian Keyes
2
It was ironic, really - you want to die because you can't be bothered to go on living - but then you're expected to get all energetic and move furniture and stand on chairs and hoist ropes and do complicated knots and attach things to other things and kick stools from under you and mess around with hot baths and razor blades and extension cords and electrical appliances and weedkiller. Suicide was a complicated, demanding business, often involving visits to hardware shops. And if you've managed to drag yourself from the bed and go down the road to the garden center or the drug store, by then the worst is over. At that point you might as well just go to work. . Marian Keyes
What doesn't kill us makes us funnier.
3
What doesn't kill us makes us funnier. Marian Keyes
4
When happiness makes a guest appearance in one's life, it's important to make the most of it. It may not stay around for long and when it has gone wouldn't it be terrible to think that all the time one could have been happy was wasted worrying when the happiness would be taken away. Marian Keyes
5
Devereaux is going with our pitch.”“ Hey, that’s just great, ” I said superperkily. “Wendell’s or mine?”“ Yours.”“ But you want to fire me. So fire me.”“ We can’t fire you. They loved you. The head guy, Leonard Daly, thought you were, I quote, ‘agreat kid, very courageous’ and a natural to do a whispering campaign. He said you hadbelievability.”“ That’s too bad.”“ Why? You’re not quitting! ” I thought about it. “Not if you don’t want me to. Do you?” Go on, say it.298 ââ„¢¥elavanillaââ„¢¥“No.”“No what?”“ No, we don’t want you to quit.”“ Ten grand more, two assistants, and charcoal suits. Take it or leave it.” Ariella swallowed. “Okay to the money, okay to the assistants, but I can’t green-light charcoalsuits. Formula Twelve is Brazilian, we need carnival colors.”“ Charcoal suits or I’m gone.”“ Orange.”“ Charcoal.”“ Orange.”“ Charcoal.”“ Okay, charcoal.” It was an interesting lesson in power. The only time you truly have it is when you genuinelydon’t care whether you have it or not.“ Right, ” I said. “I’m giving myself the rest of the day off. . Marian Keyes
Relationship gurus always said that an attraction based on friendship...
6
Relationship gurus always said that an attraction based on friendship and mutual respect was far more likely to stay the course - and the bastards were right. Marian Keyes
7
Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted makeup. Forget the laughs, forget the fights, forget the sex, forget the jealousy. But take off your hat and observe a moment's silence for the legions of unknown tubes of foundation, mascara, eyeliner, blusher and lipstick who died that it might all have been possible. But who died in vain. Marian Keyes
8
When I opened my case in the hotel, he gestured excitedly at my snakeskin sandals, turquoise suede wedges and silver-speckled jellies. “But you’ve loads of shoes, ” he bellowed joyfully. I shook my head sadly. Men just don’t get it, do they? They’re definitely missing the shoe chromosome. Marian Keyes
9
They say the path of true love never runs smooth. Well, Luke and my true love's path didn't run at all, it limped along in new boots that were chafing its heels. Blistered and cut, red and raw, every hopping, lopsided step, a little slice of agony. Marian Keyes
10
The feel of them (books) and the smell of them. A bookshop was like an Aladdin's cave for me. Entire worlds and lives can be found just behind that glossy cover. All you had to do was look." Claire (Watermelon) Marian Keyes
...as you know, I don't believe in fear, just an...
11
...as you know, I don't believe in fear, just an invention by men so they get all the money and good jobs... Marian Keyes
12
I love Prada. Not so much the clothes, which are for malnourished thirteen-year-olds, but I covet, with covety covetousness, the shoes and handbags. Like, I LOVE them. If I was given a choice between world peace and a Prada handbag, I'd dither. (I'm not proud of this, I'm only saying.) Marian Keyes
Honestly, if you're looking for love and you're not too...
13
Honestly, if you're looking for love and you're not too choosy, hang around a hardware store fingering screws. Marian Keyes
14
So I'm back again to the eternal question, the one that has plagued me all my life: How Do Other People Do It? How come they were given life's rule book and I missed out? Where was I when God was dispensing capability and cop on? Looking at shoes, probably. Marian Keyes
15
The back windows looked out over the fields, then the Atlantic, maybe a hundred yards away. Actually, I'm just making that bit up. I had no idea how far away the sea was. Only men could do things like that. "Half a mile." "Fifty yards." Giving directions, that sort of thing. I could look at a woman and say "Thirty-six C." Or "Let's try it in the next size up." But I had no idea how far away Tim's sea was except that I wouldn't want to walk to it in high heels. Marian Keyes
16
If you lose someone, you feel a loss, then after a while you fill in the hole in your life and the loss gradually gets smaller and smaller and eventually goes away. There's a point to the pain. There's a reason and a direction. Marian Keyes
17
I couldn’t be with people and I didn’t want to be alone. Suddenly my perspective whooshed and I was far out in space, watching the world. I could see millions and millions of people, all slotted into their lives; then I could see me– I’d lost my place in the universe. It had closed up and there was nowhere for me to be. I was more lost than I had known it was possible for any human being to be. Marian Keyes
18
Two and a half years ago I’d learned to stop wanting comfort from the people around me, because they couldn’t give it. We were all too scared. I was terrified and so were they. No one could understand what was happening to me, and when they couldn’t make me better they felt helpless and guilty and eventually resentful. Yes, they loved me, my head knew that even if my heart couldn’t feel it, but there was a small part of them that was angry. As if it was my choice to become depressed and that I was deliberately resisting the medication that was meant to fix me. Marian Keyes
19
The last time I’d been unwell, suicidally depressed, whatever you want to call it, the reactions of my friends and family had fallen into several different camps: The Let’s Laugh It Off merchants: Claire was the leading light. They hoped that joking about my state of mind would reduce it to a manageable size. Most likely to say, ‘Feeling any mad urges to fling yourself into the sea?’ The Depression Deniers: they were the ones who took the position that since there was no such thing as depression, nothing could be wrong with me. Once upon a time I’d have belonged in that category myself. A subset of the Deniers was The Tough Love people. Most likely to say, ‘What have you got to be depressed about?’ The It’s All About Me bunch: they were the ones who wailed that I couldn’t kill myself because they’d miss me so much. More often than not, I’d end up comforting them. My sister Anna and her boyfriend, Angelo, flew three thousand miles from New York just so I could dry their tears. Most likely to say, ‘Have you any idea how many people love you?’ The Runaways: lots and lots of people just stopped ringing me. Most of them I didn’t care about, but one or two were important to me. Their absence was down to fear; they were terrified that whatever I had, it was catching. Most likely to say, ‘I feel so helpless … God, is that the time?’ Bronagh — though it hurt me too much at the time to really acknowledge it — was the number one offender. The Woo-Woo crew: i.e. those purveying alternative cures. And actually there were hundreds of them — urging me to do reiki, yoga, homeopathy, bible study, sufi dance, cold showers, meditation, EFT, hypnotherapy, hydrotherapy, silent retreats, sweat lodges, felting, fasting, angel channelling or eating only blue food. Everyone had a story about something that had cured their auntie/boss/boyfriend/next-door neighbour. But my sister Rachel was the worst — she had me plagued. Not a day passed that she didn’t send me a link to some swizzer. Followed by a phone call ten minutes later to make sure I’d made an appointment. (And I was so desperate that I even gave plenty of them a go.) Most likely to say, ‘This man’s a miracle worker.’ Followed by: ‘That’s why he’s so expensive. Miracles don’t come cheap.’ There was often cross-pollination between the different groupings. Sometimes the Let’s Laugh It Off merchants teamed up with the Tough Love people to tell me that recovering from depression is ‘simply mind over matter’. You just decide you’re better. (The way you would if you had emphysema.) Or an All About Me would ring a member of the Woo-Woo crew and sob and sob about how selfish I was being and the Woo-Woo crew person would agree because I had refused to cough up two grand for a sweat lodge in Wicklow.Or one of the Runaways would tiptoe back for a sneaky look at me, then commandeer a Denier into launching a two-pronged attack, telling me how well I seemed. And actually that was the worst thing anyone could have done to me, because you can only sound like a self-pitying malingerer if you protest, ‘But I don’t feel well. I feel wretched beyond description.’ Not one person who loved me understood how I’d felt. They hadn’t a clue and I didn’t blame them, because, until it had happened to me, I hadn’t a clue either. Marian Keyes
20
People get sick and sometimes they get better and sometimes they don't. And it doesn't matter if the sickness is cancer or if it's depression. Sometimes the drugs work and sometimes they don't. Sometimes the drugs work for a while and then they stop. Sometimes the alternative stuff works and sometimes it doesn't. And sometimes you wonder if no outside interference makes any difference at all; if an illness is like a storm, if it simply has to run its course and, at the end of it, depending on how robust you are, you will be alive. Or you will be dead. . Marian Keyes
21
Waiting to be 'better' is the wrong approach. It's learning to live with it. Marian Keyes
22
My life was a wreck. I had nothing, no material possessions, unless debts counts. Fourteen pairs of shoes that were too small for me was all I had to show after a lifetime of profligate spending. I hadn’t a job. I hadn’t any qualifications. I’d achieved nothing with my life. I’d never been happy. I had no husband or boyfriend. Marian Keyes
23
It was only when the salt water of my tears ran into my cuts and made them stingthat I discovered I was crying. Marian Keyes
24
I forced myself to stop thinking about it. I went to the room in my brain where all my thoughts about Adam lived and disconnected the electricity and boarded up all the doors and windows, so nothing could get out. Obviously it was very unsightly. There were bound to be complaints from the neighboring thoughts. But I had no choice. Marian Keyes
25
People don't tend to employ me. I'm the wrong personality type. Or rather, people do tend to employ me for a short time and then they sack me. A film broker once told me, as she terminated my contract, that I have a misleading sort of face. "You're pretty", she complained. "Your features are symmetrical and there was an article in Grazia that says human beings are programmed to find those with symmetrical features more pleasing to they eye. So this isn't my fault, I was simply responding to a biological imperative. You've even teeth, so when you smile, you look..sweet, I suppose. But you're not, are you?"" I hope not, " I said." You see, there you go again. You're a smart-arse and you've no ability to filter your thoughts---"" And my thoughts are often abrasive."" Exactly."" I'll just get my brushes and sponges and leave."" If you would. . Marian Keyes
26
I need you to get inside Wayne's head. I need someone who thinks a bit left field and in your own unpleasant way, Helen Walsh, you're a genius. He had a point. I'm lazy and illogical. I've limited people skills. I'm easily bored and easily irritated. But I have moments of brilliance. They come and they go and I can't depend on them but they do happen. Marian Keyes
27
I had spent my whole life feeling homesick. The only difference between the two of us was that I didn't know what or where home was. Marian Keyes
28
I'd rather eat nothing than eat a carrot. Marian Keyes
29
Why can't we love the right people? what is so wrong with us that we rush into situations to which we are manifestly unsuited, which will hurt us and others? why are we given emotions which we cannot control and which move in exact contradiction to what we really want? we are walking conflicts, internal battles on legs. Marian Keyes
30
You will go on and meet someone else and I'll just be a chapter in your tale, but for me, you were, you are and you always will be, the whole story. Marian Keyes
31
Survival was an unpleasent thing to witness. Marian Keyes
32
Guilt is a self-indulgence. Marian Keyes
33
You've recognised a fundamental feature of an addict's life. Maintaining your habit is so important you've no real interest in anything else. Marian Keyes
34
No one knows how strong they are until they have to be. Marian Keyes
35
He's a waiter, not a Mafia stooge, so what's he going to do? Blac pepper them to death? Compliment them into a coma? Run them over with the dessert trolley? Marian Keyes
36
Because you promised? But you've promised me load of things. Like to cherish me and to love till death do us part. Marian Keyes
37
He didn't even attempt to smile and I knew then that I had lost him. Marian Keyes
38
If he says he doesn't love you anymore and does love this other woman, you've got to accept it. Maybe he will come back, maybe he won't, but either way, you've got to live through this. Marian Keyes
39
As they say in New York, Get over it and, if you can't get over it, Get over talking about it. Marian Keyes
40
If it was that beautiful, why did I leave you Marian Keyes
41
Don't make the mistake of letting pride get in the way of forgiveness. You still love him. He still loves you. Don't throw it all away just because your feelings are hurt. Marian Keyes
42
I should have learned mindfulness, and it’s too late now because it’s no good learning it when you’re already in crisis: you have to start when things are good. But only the very, very oddest would think, Hey, my life is perfect. I know! I’ll sit and waste twenty minutes Observing My Thoughts without Judgement. Marian Keyes
43
In the same way that the stewards on the Titanic were more concerned about the unemptied ashtrays on the bar than the enormous hole in the side of the ship which was letting in zillions of gallons of water, I too was worrying about the unimportant and ignoring the vital. Sometimes it's easier that way. Because although there was little I could do about the huge hole, it was within my power to empty an asthray. Marian Keyes
44
Regardless of the gender of the highest wage earner, the balance of power in the relationship will suffer if the higher earner uses control of the purse strings as a system of reward and punishment. It will also suffer if the lower earner takes a chippy, haughty attitude to spending money they haven't actually generated themselves. Marian Keyes
45
I've been so showered in life, beyond my wildest dreams, such as having a loving partner I never thought I'd have. Marian Keyes
46
Some think love can be measured by the amount of butterflies in their tummy. Others think love can be measured in bunches of flowers, or by using the words 'for ever.' But love can only truly be measured by actions. It can be a small thing, such as peeling an orange for a person you love because you know they don't like doing it. Marian Keyes