1
Was it hard?" I ask. Letting go?" Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn't real.Lisa Schroeder
2
When you meet someone so different from yourself, in a good way, you don't even have to kiss to have fireworks go off. It's like fireworks in your heart all the time. I always wondered, do opposites really attract? Now I know for sure they do. I'd grown up going to the library as often as most people go to the grocery store. Jackson didn't need to read about exciting people or places. He went out and found them, or created excitement himself if there wasn't any to be found. The things I like are pretty simple. Burning CDs around themes, like Songs to Get You Groove On and Tunes to Fix a Broken Heart; watching movies; baking cookies; and swimming. It's like I was a salad with a light vinaigrette, and Jackson was a platter of seafood Cajun pasta. Alone, we were good. Together, we were fantastic.Lisa Schroeder
4
Come with me, ' Mom says. To the library. Books and summertimego together.Lisa Schroeder
5
I think fear is normal, Cade. Just don't let it win.Lisa Schroeder
6
We have a lot of questions, and we want to understand. Music helps with that .Music helps with everything.Lisa Schroeder
7
Sometimes you want to remember. And sometimes you need to forget.Lisa Schroeder
8
It brings me back to the moment, and I want to livethe moment with everything I’ve got.Lisa Schroeder
9
It's hard to be happy in the now when you can't stop worrying about the future. What I want is to trust that everything will work out. To believe with all my heart that I'll end up where I belong.Lisa Schroeder
10
I hear the word in the hallover and over again. Suicide. Suicide. Suicide. Did he or didn’t he? Everyone’s got a guess. Still no one knows for sure, except Gabe, but he’s not talking. Why does it even matter? He’s gone. His, ours, theirs– blame needs a place. His, ours, theirs– pain all over the place. His, ours, theirs– forgiveness missing from this place.Lisa Schroeder
11
Three boys. Three deaths. One school. We've made the national news. Is out school cursed? Are we a reckless bunch of fools? The media asks questions no one can answer. Kids can't stop crying.Lisa Schroeder
12
I'm glad for the rain... It's good camouflage.Lisa Schroeder
13
See that's exactly why I don't want a dog." "Why?" "Because it'll just die." "Everybody dies, Brooklyn." Like that makes it okay or something.Lisa Schroeder
14
Ill lose myself in the pain. It might not make sense. But it works.Lisa Schroeder
15
After Lucca died, everything shut down. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't talk. Somehow they got me on the plane and back home.Lisa Schroeder
16
«I’ve never been to a funeral until today. I see dazzling arrangements of red, yellow, and purple flowers with long, green stems. I see a stained-glass window with a white dove, a yellow sun, a blue sky. I see a gold cross, standing tall, shiny, brilliant. And I see black. Black dresses. Black pants. Black shoes. Black bibles. Black is my favorite color. Jackson asked me about it one time.“ Ava, why don’t you like pink? Or yellow? Or blue?” ”I love black, ” I said. ”It suits me.” ”I suit you, ” he said. I’m not so sure I love black anymore. And then, beyond the flowers, beneath the stained-glass window, beside the cross, I see the white casket. I see red, burning love disappear forever. As we pull away, my eyes stay glued to the casket. It’s proof that sometimes life does not go on. I look around. If tears could bring him back, there’d be enough to bring him back a hundred times. That’s not what I’m thinking. I’m thinking, I hate good-byes. It’s like I was a garden salad with a light vinaigrette, and Jackson was a platter of seafood Cajun pasta. Alone, we were good. Together, we were fantastic. Memories might keep him alive. But they might kill me.» .Lisa Schroeder
17
Heads: This girl Tails: That girlLisa Schroeder
18
And then it hits me like a fast, open-palmed, stinging smack in the face. Having a ghost boyfriend WASweirdLisa Schroeder
19
And what I think is thatwhen you’re completely aloneand deep inside yourselfwith feelings no one else can understand, there really aren’t a hundred places to go. It’s like if I woke up one dayand looked outside and saw purple treesand red grass and green dogs, is there anyone I could tell who would understand? No.There’d be no one. It’s exactly like that. He saw purple treesand red grass and green dogswhile no one else did. Â And maybe, he just got tiredof seeing them.Lisa Schroeder
20
Memories fall like snowflakes upon my dreams. The snowflakes toss and tumble, each different and yet the same.Lisa Schroeder