33 Quotes & Sayings By Fred Allen

Fred Allen is a motivational speaker and author. He is the author of Don't Quit: The Will to Succeed and other best-selling books. He has appeared on numerous national and international television shows including The Today Show, The Tonight Show, 60 Minutes and The Oprah Winfrey Show. He has been featured in numerous magazines such as Newsweek, USA Today, Time, Newsweek and People.

California is a fine place to live, if you happen...
1
California is a fine place to live, if you happen to be an orange. Fred Allen
All I know about humour is that I don't know...
2
All I know about humour is that I don't know anything about it. Fred Allen
3
A group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done Fred Allen
4
It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips. Fred Allen
5
Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission. Fred Allen
6
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars. Fred Allen
7
I have just returned from Boston it is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there. Fred Allen
8
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. Fred Allen
9
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children - except in self-defense. Fred Allen
10
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. Fred Allen
11
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin. Fred Allen
12
(A gentleman) is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. Fred Allen
13
She used to be a schoolteacher but she has no class now. Fred Allen
14
My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get except the blinding headaches. Fred Allen
15
The first Sunday I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion. Fred Allen
16
The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret. Fred Allen
17
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission. Fred Allen
18
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. Fred Allen
19
The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed. Fred Allen
20
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. Fred Allen
21
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen
22
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. Fred Allen
23
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. Fred Allen
24
The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion. Fred Allen
25
I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement. Fred Allen
26
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. Fred Allen
27
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. Fred Allen
28
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen
29
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. Fred Allen
30
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. Fred Allen
31
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you. Fred Allen
32
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense. Fred Allen