1
Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.Fran Lebowitz
2
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.Fran Lebowitz
3
Think before you speak. Read before you think.Fran Lebowitz
4
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death.Fran Lebowitz
5
If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.Fran Lebowitz
6
The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat.Fran Lebowitz
7
Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature.Fran Lebowitz
8
All the time I'm not writing I feel like a criminal. It's horrible to feel felonious every second of the day. It's much more relaxing to actually write.Fran Lebowitz
9
There's no equivalent to Mozart in writing.Fran Lebowitz
10
I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties.Fran Lebowitz
11
Reading is better than life. Without reading, you’re stuck with life.Fran Lebowitz
12
Now, nature, as I am only too aware, has her enthusiasts, but on the whole, I am not to be counted among them. To put it bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.Fran Lebowitz
13
There is one thing that has disappeared, not just from the U.S. but from the entire world, is the idea of ever being embarrassed by anything.Fran Lebowitz
14
Chocolate is an excellent flavor for ice cream but both unreasonable and disconcerting in chewing gum.Fran Lebowitz
15
If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.Fran Lebowitz
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.Fran Lebowitz
17
My favorite animal is steak.Fran Lebowitz
18
People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first to have thought of adding lime juice to scalloped potatoes try to understand there must be a reason for this.Fran Lebowitz
19
I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don't know won't hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility.Fran Lebowitz
20
When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.Fran Lebowitz
21
As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.Fran Lebowitz
22
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.Fran Lebowitz
23
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he is buying.Fran Lebowitz
24
London: A place you go to get bronchitis.Fran Lebowitz
25
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.Fran Lebowitz
26
The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.Fran Lebowitz
27
There is no such thing as inner peace there is only nervousness and death.Fran Lebowitz
28
The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.Fran Lebowitz
29
Success didn't spoil me I've always been insufferable.Fran Lebowitz
30
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.Fran Lebowitz
31
Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.Fran Lebowitz
32
You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.Fran Lebowitz
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Polite conversation is rarely either.Fran Lebowitz
34
Andy Warhol made fame more famous.Fran Lebowitz
35
Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.Fran Lebowitz
36
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.Fran Lebowitz
37
If you're going to America, bring your own food.Fran Lebowitz
38
You're only as good as your last haircut.Fran Lebowitz
39
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.Fran Lebowitz
40
I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.Fran Lebowitz
41
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.Fran Lebowitz
42
Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.Fran Lebowitz
43
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.Fran Lebowitz
44
Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.Fran Lebowitz
45
Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.Fran Lebowitz
46
My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.Fran Lebowitz
47
If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.Fran Lebowitz