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My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.Ellen DeGeneres
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Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.Ellen DeGeneres
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Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.Ellen DeGeneres
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When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.Ellen DeGeneres
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You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.Ellen DeGeneres
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Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.Ellen DeGeneres
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It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.Ellen DeGeneres
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Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside - to have a big hear and an open mind and a spectacular spleen.Ellen DeGeneres
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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.Ellen DeGeneres
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I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.Ellen DeGeneres
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Procrastinate now, don't put it off.Ellen DeGeneres
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I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.Ellen DeGeneres
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Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. Listen to the music. Whoa whoa, listen to the music. Because music makes the people come together, it makes the bourgeois and the rebel. So come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody try to love one another. Because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And I know that love is a battlefield, but boogie on reggae woman because you're gonna make it after all. So celebrate good times, come on. I've gotta stop I've gotta come to my senses, I've been out riding fences for so long.. oops I did it again.. um.. What I'm trying to say is, if you leave tonight and you don't remember anything else that I've said, leave here and remember this: Procrastinate now, don't put it off.Ellen DeGeneres
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Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.Ellen DeGeneres
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What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to texting that they’re actually startled when the phone rings. It’s like we suddenly all have Batphones. If it rings, there must be danger. Now we answer, “What happened? Is someone tied up in the old sawmill?”“ No, it’s Becky. I just called to say hi.”“ Well you scared me half to death. You can’t just pick up the phone and try to talk to me like that. Don’t the tips of your fingers work? .Ellen DeGeneres
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Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.Ellen DeGeneres
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One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.Ellen DeGeneres
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Now, I'm no scientist, but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain, you hear what they're saying and that boosts your health and happiness. "Knock Knock.. Who's There?. Little endorphin.. Little endorphin who?.. Little Endorphin Annie." And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science.Ellen DeGeneres
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Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.Ellen DeGeneres
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True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.Ellen DeGeneres
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I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day.Ellen DeGeneres
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The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.Ellen DeGeneres
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Life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy by yourself and for yourself. Happiness comes from within. You have the power to change your own mindset so that all the negative, horrible thoughts that try to invade your psyche are replaced with happy, positive, wonderful thoughts.Ellen DeGeneres
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I hope I make people feel better. I hope I take people out of their situations a little bit and make them happier. That's really why I do what I do.Ellen DeGeneres
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You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.Ellen DeGeneres
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It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.Ellen DeGeneres
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Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.Ellen DeGeneres
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Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.Ellen DeGeneres
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I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?Ellen DeGeneres
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Answers to Frequently Asked Questions:Yes.Yes.No.One time in high school. Three times in my twenties. Rocks no salt. Yes. Four. Never. And how dare you! I will take no further questions.Ellen DeGeneres
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Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.Ellen DeGeneres
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If your Birthday is on Christmas day and you're not Jesus, you should start telling people your birthday is on June 9 or something. Just read up on the traits of a Gemini. Suddenly you're a multitasker who loves the color yellow. Because not only do you get stuck with them combo gift, you get the combo song. "We wish you a merry Christmas - and happy birthday, Terry - we wish you a merry Christmas - happy birthday, Terry - we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Ye - Birthday, Terry! .Ellen DeGeneres
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It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.Ellen DeGeneres
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I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush.Ellen DeGeneres
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I guess what I'm trying to say is, there are a lot of self righteous people out there. And if you try to adjust your life to please them - by the way you dress, your sexuality, or the ass faces you like to make - you are just going to go crazy and risk being as unhappy as these self righteous kooks are. So enjoy your life. God gave us our bodies as a gift.( Granted, to some of us it's kind of a gag gift, but that's okay too.) Wear what you want, love who you want, and have fun. .Ellen DeGeneres
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...if you want to add a little spice to your life, plant some dill. And learn to salsa.Ellen DeGeneres
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The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.Ellen DeGeneres
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It's a little weird that I'm getting an award for being nice and generous and kind.. which is what we're all supposed to do for one another. That's the point of being human. I think that kindness is an innate quality that we all have. We need to see more of it in the world. I want everyone to know that we all really, really love one another. Deep down, we all love one another. We need to get back to that. My wish is that we all try.Ellen DeGeneres
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Don't hold onto things, it will only bring you pain.Ellen DeGeneres
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Have you ever heard somebody sing some lyrics that you've never sung before, and you realize you've never sung the right words in that song? You hear them and all of a sudden you say to yourself, 'Life in the Fast Lane?' That's what they're saying right there? You think, 'why have I been singing 'wipe in the vaseline?' how many people have heard me sing 'wipe in the vaseline?' I am an idiot.Ellen DeGeneres
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Start thinking positively. You will notice a difference. Instead of "I think I'm a loser, " try "I definitely am a loser." Stop being wishy-washy about things! How much more of a loser can you be if you don't even know you are one? Either you are a loser or you are not. Which is it, stupid?Ellen DeGeneres
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We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter.Ellen DeGeneres
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Some people believe that to find happiness, you should live each day of your life as if it's your last because that way you will appreciate every single moment you have. Other people believe that you should live each day as if it's your first because then every day can be the beginning of a new journey.Ellen DeGeneres
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It must be around forty, when you're "over the hill." I don't even know what that means and why it's a bad thing. When I go hiking and I get over the hill, that means I'm past the hard part and there's a snack in my future. That's a good thing as far as I'm concerned.Ellen DeGeneres
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Be kind to one another. Bye, bye.Ellen DeGeneres
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When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, "You may regret this, " would have been fine.Ellen DeGeneres
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When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important. It's hard to understand failure when you're going through it, but in the grand scheme of things it's good to fall down–not because you're drunk and not near stairs.Ellen DeGeneres
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There are all sorts of books offering advice on how to deal with life-threatening situations, but where's the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones?Ellen DeGeneres
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It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.Ellen DeGeneres
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If you want to test cosmetics, why do it on some poor animal who hasn't done anything? They should use prisoners who have been convicted of murder or rape instead. So, rather than seeing if perfume irritates a bunny rabbit's eyes, they should throw it in Charles Manson's eyes and ask him if it hurts.Ellen DeGeneres
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Emote. It's okay. It shows you are thinking and feeling.Ellen DeGeneres
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Dan: 'Ah, well, I hope this didn't have anything to do with me.' Ellen: 'No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.Ellen DeGeneres
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It’s even more awkward when we’re face to face with people. It used to be exciting to make plans with friends because you could sit and catch up and talk about what’s been going on in your lives. Now when you see someone there’s nothing left to say. You’ve already seen the pictures from their trip to Rio on Facebook. You’ve read their tweets about the latest diet they’re on. And they already texted you about the pregnancy scare. So you end up just sitting and staring at each other until you both start texting other people. .Ellen DeGeneres
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The word "yoga" literally means "uniting", because when you're doing it you are uniting your mind and your body. You can tell this almost immediately because your mind will be thinking, "Ouch, that hurts, " and your body will say, "I know." And your mind will think, "You have to get out of this position." And your body will say, "I agree with you, but I can't right now. I think I'm stuck.Ellen DeGeneres
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...we should be grateful for them because without our family–the ancestors we descend from, the cousins we see once a year, the loves our lives we see every day–life is pretty boring.Ellen DeGeneres
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No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10, 000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are.Ellen DeGeneres
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Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.Ellen DeGeneres
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Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.Ellen DeGeneres
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I'm a comedian, and I definitely see the humor in a lot of things. I am also sad a lot. I cry often and easily. I think you're supposed to feel all kinds of things.Ellen DeGeneres
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If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there's got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that.Ellen DeGeneres
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I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. I believe we're all put on this planet for a purpose, and we all have a different purpose... When you connect with that love and that compassion, that's when everything unfolds.Ellen DeGeneres
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Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.Ellen DeGeneres
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When we were growing up our parents somehow made it clear that being famous was good. And I mistakenly thought that if I was famous then everyone would love me.Ellen DeGeneres
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I wanted to have money I wanted to be special I wanted people to like me I wanted to be famous.Ellen DeGeneres
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I'd like to be more patient! I just want everything now. I've tried to meditate, but it's really hard for me to stay still. I'd like to try to force myself to do it, because everybody says how wonderful meditation is for you, but I can't shut my mind up. So patience and learning is the key.Ellen DeGeneres
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Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values.Ellen DeGeneres
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The world is full of a lot of fear and a lot of negativity, and a lot of judgment. I just think people need to start shifting into joy and happiness. As corny as it sounds, we need to make a shift.Ellen DeGeneres
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A lot of money with the wrong career is not going to make you happy. If you have money without happiness, it doesn't mean anything. It's all about happiness.Ellen DeGeneres
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My dad is still Christian Scientist. My mom's not, and I'm not. But I believe in God, and that there's a higher power and an intelligence that's bigger than us and that we can rely on. It's not just us, thinking we are the ones in control of everything. That idea gives me support.Ellen DeGeneres
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I have an amazing team; I have amazing producers; I have amazing writers, but at the end of it, it's me making the decisions on the writing, the tone, the editing.Ellen DeGeneres
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I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules.Ellen DeGeneres
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I'm grateful for everything. I'm grateful for my health, and I'm so grateful for the love in my life.Ellen DeGeneres
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The first time probably people really were aware of me, I unfortunately had the title of Showtime's Funniest Person in America. And that's a really tough title to travel around with when you're not even known.Ellen DeGeneres
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I don't pay attention to the number of birthdays. It's weird when I say I'm 53. It just is crazy that I'm 53. I think I'm very immature. I feel like a kid. That's why my back goes out all the time, because I completely forget I can't do certain things anymore - like doing the plank for 10 minutes.Ellen DeGeneres
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Faith is part of who I am, yes. I was raised Christian Scientist. The most important thing I saw every single week on the wall at Sunday school was the Golden Rule.Ellen DeGeneres
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Designing is my hobby. If I didn't do what I do for a living - at some point when I don't do this for a living - I'll probably just do design work. I love finding really special pieces of furniture.Ellen DeGeneres
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So many people prefer to live in drama because it's comfortable. It's like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship - it's actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect.Ellen DeGeneres
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I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don't care if it's called marriage. I don't care if it's called, you know, domestic partnership. I don't care what it's called.Ellen DeGeneres
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I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me.Ellen DeGeneres
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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.Ellen DeGeneres
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People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.Ellen DeGeneres
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I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.Ellen DeGeneres
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I was raised in an atmosphere of 'everything's fine.' But as I got older, I was like, 'Well no, everything's not fine. There is stuff that's sad.' I am a really sensitive person. I think I am too sensitive sometimes.Ellen DeGeneres
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I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness - and then the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day, I'm a human trying to make it through in this world.Ellen DeGeneres
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I have sadness in me. I have anger in me. I have heartbreak in me.Ellen DeGeneres
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I think everybody should have the same anger towards the injustice that's happening and the hatred that's happening, and just fight it with love and compassion.Ellen DeGeneres