1
No kid in the world, no woman in the world should ever raise a hand against a no-good daddy. That's already been taken care of: A Man Who Destroys His Own Home Shall Inherit the Wind.Dick Gregory
2
They told me there was very little racial prejudice in Hawaii. Like a woman is just a little bit pregnant.Dick Gregory
3
Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: 'We don't serve colored people here.' "I said: 'that's all right, I don't eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken.Dick Gregory
4
Momma, a welfare cheater. A criminal who couldn't stand to se her kids go hungry, or grow up in slumbs and end up mugging people in dar corners. I guess the system didn't want her to get off relief, the way it kept sending social workers around to be sure Momma wasn't trying to make things better.Dick Gregory
5
One of the things I keep learning is that the secret of being happy is doing things for other people.Dick Gregory
6
I won't say I'm out of condition now - but I even puff going downstairs.Dick Gregory
7
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighbourhood after dark.Dick Gregory
8
You hear entertainers all the time, saying, 'If I couldn't get paid for this, I'd do it for free.' When's the last time you ever heard a business person say, 'If I couldn't get paid for being chairman of British Petroleum, I'd do it for free'?Dick Gregory
9
You know, I always say white is not a colour, white is an attitude, and if you haven't got trillions of dollars in the bank that you don't need, you can't be white.Dick Gregory
10
And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede.Dick Gregory
11
It's cool to be healthy.Dick Gregory
12
My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn't a Christian, she would stomp you to death.Dick Gregory
13
When I first broke through, there was only NBC, CBS and ABC, and they had news in the morning and in the evening - there wasn't no 24-hour news.Dick Gregory
14
When I go through the airport and see white women walking through the airport barefooted, like athlete's feet don't exist, there's something wrong.Dick Gregory
15
We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre.Dick Gregory
16
Let me tell you, never before in the history of this planet has anybody made the progress that African-Americans have made in a 30-year period, in spite of many black folks and white folks lying to one another.Dick Gregory
17
Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.Dick Gregory
18
I buy about $1, 500 worth of papers every month. Not that I trust them. I'm looking for the crack in the fabric.Dick Gregory
19
In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it's a sport.Dick Gregory
20
When you have a good mother and no father, God kind of sits in. It's not enough, but it helps.Dick Gregory
21
People with high blood pressure, diabetes - those are conditions brought about by life style. If you change the life style, those conditions will leave.Dick Gregory
22
I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that.Dick Gregory