101 Quotes & Sayings By David W Earle

David Earle, Ph.D., is the author of two award-winning books on leadership, "The Leadership Journey" and "Leadership in the 21st Century." He is also the author of the bestselling book, "Power Beyond Yourself," which was voted one of the best books on personal development by Amazon.com in 2007, 2008 and 2009. Earle is a board member of the Foundation for Self-Esteem and a frequent speaker at conferences around the world.

1
My prayer is an attitude of pure gratitude for having the opportunity to experience life on this earth with all its pain, heartache, worry, and turmoil; coupled with this gratitude is the thankfulness for just having the opportunity to have lived. That is fairly easy on good days but difficult when life puts rocks and boulders in the road. David W. Earle
2
Reality may not be what you want it to be, but it is the reality you now must face. You can deny this reality and try to wish it away, or you can accept it and not waste any energy on wanting it to be different. David W. Earle
3
Making amends is not only saying the words but also being willing to listen to how your behavior caused another’s pain, and then the really hard part…changing behavior. David W. Earle
4
Shame is a powerful feeling. There is a tremendous difference between making a mistake and believing you are a mistake... If I don’t see myself as being a mistake then it is I who must take responsibility and I am not ready to accept that. David W. Earle
5
Others hide from being real by filling the air with words; the more words they throw out, the less actual communication happens and they are left with only an illusion of connection. This is the intimacy they so ardently seek but with these coping skills find so elusive. David W. Earle
6
Mature adults gravitate toward new values and understandings, not just rehashing and blind acceptance of past patterns and previous learning. This is an ongoing process and maturity demands lifelong learners. David W. Earle
7
The more severe the dysfunction you experienced growing up, the more difficult boundaries are for you. David W. Earle
8
The greater the pain associated with love, the more likely a person is to be attracted to others who will inflict this pain…for isn’t this what love is? Hurt people tend to hurt other people. David W. Earle
9
It is one thing to know about your dysfunctional habits but quite another to change them. David W. Earle
10
If you are looking for love under rocks or bringing home water moccasins, you might be confusing love and pain. David W. Earle
11
As a parent who raised his children in dysfunction, I know the parental wounds my children received were not intentional; often they were my best expression of love, sometimes coming out sideways, not as I intended. David W. Earle
12
Sitting on the hot seat of change requires much courage, patience, and persistence. David W. Earle
13
If we want to improve, first we have to recognize our own maladaptive coping skills, called codependency, then change. David W. Earle
14
Change will not successfully happen unless the emotional component is solved. David W. Earle
15
Putting labels on others creates a black hole of disregard where judgment thrives and schisms deepen. David W. Earle
16
Change is hard, difficult, painful, and often messy David W. Earle
17
Being real is being true to you. David W. Earle
18
We ardently desire to take down our masks and say to the world, “This is who I am…and I am okay.” This is simple…not easy. David W. Earle
19
REAL people do not have to lie, exaggerate, or brag for they are self-contained in self-understanding and acceptance of themselves. REAL people can make a mistake knowing that even when they do, it is only a mistake and just because the outcome was not to their liking, they know… T H E Y are not a mistake. REAL have the attitude this is who I am…and I am good enough, right now…just as I am. People who have chosen REAL have already clicked their heals together and returned home. . David W. Earle
20
When you journey inwardly exploring yourself, a sense of personal trust begins. David W. Earle
21
Families living in dysfunction seldom have healthy boundaries. Dysfunctional families have trouble knowing where they stop and others begin. David W. Earle
22
Boundaries represent awareness, knowing what the limits are and then respecting those limits. David W. Earle
23
The more dysfunctional, the more some family members seek to control the behavior of others. David W. Earle
24
Under this aura of perfection he knows how flawed he really is but his intact denial system keeps this awareness suppressed in the far recesses of his mind. David W. Earle
25
Teenagers can spot hypocrisy a mile away and here I was telling them how to cope when they witnessed the shambles of my own life and how I was living. David W. Earle
26
Chaos limits the free-flow of love and becomes a roadblock to what family members want most and sadly, it becomes the normal for the family. David W. Earle
27
When someone obtains peace and serenity, this shines a bright spotlight on others’ own unhappiness making their discomfort even more apparent. David W. Earle
28
If no one has boundaries…how can there be any transgression? David W. Earle
29
Swirling in a squirrel cage of perpetual motion, the head-committee meets, argues, votes out the guidance available from emotions, and successfully keeps serenity at bay and chaos close at hand. David W. Earle
30
Children naturally believe without question and absorb knowledge at an incredible rate; since there is no other frame of reference; they believe their parental reality, true or false. David W. Earle
31
No matter how I want things to stay the same, no matter how discomforting change can be, I am stuck with the certainty that all molecules vibrate; all things are in constant motion; and change will happen. I can either accept that truth or suffer depression when I do not accept the reality that surrounds me. Change is constant; I am not the same person today as the person who put his head down on the pillow last night. Iron Mask. David W. Earle
32
The key problem I encounter working with wounded, depressed, and unhappy people is a lack of connection…starting from a disconnection from themselves and then with others. This is why love often becomes so distorted and destructive. When people experience a disconnection from themselves, they feel it but do not realize the problem. David W. Earle
33
You did not invent these family habits. Your family is like mine, for thousands and thousands of years our families have embraced a dysfunctional lifestyle, passing these habits as gospel on to subsequent generations. This was not done out of malice, spite, or hate, but what they knew best. As ineffective as these habits are, you never stopped to consider another way of loving. David W. Earle
34
No one escapes some degree of chaos for it is so ever prevalent; it is the human experience. This realization does not mean we can’t improve. It does mean we can accept our state of chaos, lighten up on ourselves, have fun, and work on improving…we are a work in progress. Enjoy the journey. David W. Earle
35
Many of the habits of dysfunctional families use are not from the lack of love but are the result of fear. Knowing the love-limiting habits and behaviors of dysfunctional families is a wonderful beginning to lower the fear, allowing us to be real, allowing us all to learn how to love better. David W. Earle
36
Many people look at their past and bemoan their mistakes. Those errors in judgment, behavior, hurting others, and the wrong decisions may be what consumes them now. It does not have to be that way, for recovering from a traumatic situation is all a matter of how we think about what happened. It is not so much about what happened to us as what we make of the circumstance. David W. Earle
37
...the state of perfection is an elusive goal; demanding something so obscure as almost unattainable and can become a compulsive, crazy making squirrel-on-a-wheel way of living. David W. Earle
38
Other people feel love when we listen without judging and accept them without demanding change. We all desperately require these basic needs. When we can do this for another, we are indeed that person’s angel. David W. Earle
39
Embracing doubt is sometimes threatening, as we fear losing our faith if we explore our doubts. Following that thought, if one loses one’s faith, then as some religions dictate, that individual cannot enter heaven. Since heaven is the reward of an earthly existence, doubt becomes the enemy of this reward. David W. Earle
40
Rigid traditions capture soulsprisons of spiritual thoughtman’s religion has captured a god grown too small and very weak. David W. Earle
41
When we leave this life, we only get to take two things: the love we received and the lessons we learned. David W. Earle
42
Life is a learning experience and this is a very peaceful method of accepting the reality you face…” What will I learn? David W. Earle
43
Black and white thinking limits understanding and feedback, two necessary ingredients for successful resolution in creative conflict and successful understanding. David W. Earle
44
People who are unwilling to talk about deep personal issues do not trust their own emotions. David W. Earle
45
The strange part about a person’s lack of trust is that it often comes from not trusting themselves. David W. Earle
46
When you wear a mask, you are not real. David W. Earle
47
Honoring your word is the fiber from which trust is built. David W. Earle
48
In order for a person to be able to “turn our lives and our wills” over requires something very difficult for a spiritually wounded person to accomplish - Trust. Yet, to accomplish this step, trust of the spirit must be present. David W. Earle
49
There are two ways of thinking. One is living life based on fear. The other is trusting. Letting go and allowing trust to control our lives takes mental gymnastics. David W. Earle
50
It is very difficult to develop a proper sense of self-esteem in a dysfunctional family. Having very little self-worth, looking at one’s own character defects becomes so overwhelming there is no room for inward focus. People so afflicted think: “I need to keep you from knowing me. I have already rejected me, but if you knew how flawed I am, you would also reject me…and since this is all I have, I could not stand any more rejection. I am not worthy of someone understanding me so you will not get the chance..so I must judge, reject, attack, and/or find fault with you. I don’t accept me so how can I accept you? . David W. Earle
51
People build defenses around a weakness, not around strength. Where self-esteem is strong, a defense is unnecessary. David W. Earle
52
When this low self-worth is hidden, one can understand why the person becomes hypersensitive to the opinions of others and has a great deal of difficulty accepting criticism no matter how warranted or gently said. David W. Earle
53
When one person attempts to “fix it” for the other person, the connection of acceptance is snapped and the sender and receiver miss an opportunity for understanding. David W. Earle
54
When I looked at myself through the prism of awareness, great tears came as I connected with how this wounded child felt. David W. Earle
55
We violated each other’s boundaries with verbal missiles of anger disguised in the pretense of “just kidding. David W. Earle
56
This is what we desire in intimate relationships but this deep connection is often so frightful that most do not take advantage of the opportunities presented for honesty. David W. Earle
57
Wounded parents often unintentionally inflict pain and suffering on their children and these childhood wounds causes a laundry list of maladaptive behaviors commonly called codependency. These habits restrict people to love-limiting relationships causing much unhappiness and distress. David W. Earle
58
Our parents were our first gods. If parents are loving, nurturing, and kind, this becomes the child’s definition of the creator. If parents were controlling, angry, and manipulative, then this becomes their definition. David W. Earle
59
People pay a dear price when not dealing with the powerful emotions. David W. Earle
60
What this world needs now… more balloons and clowns David W. Earle
61
If one wants to be loved and return it full score dagger of silence closes the door. David W. Earle
62
For many years, I searched for this connection outside of myself but always to no avail. It was only when I turned inward did I find this power. David W. Earle
63
I, like you, was not depraved or defected before birth but created to be magnificent, a wonderful and freeing realization - simple but explosive. David W. Earle
64
We can be safe and live with other defined truths exemplified by a capital “T” or we can change and with our limited time experience truth with a small “t, ” seeking our own understanding, which can change with new awareness. David W. Earle
65
Controlling others is the cornerstone of dysfunctional families. David W. Earle
66
To be free to roam our own consciousness and be responsible for ourselves, a letting go process is required. We have to let go of how others define us; what damaging messages remain from childhood; how others define our relationship with the creator; and what expectations they may have for us. David W. Earle
67
For example, I can doubt that 2 + 2 = 4; however, my doubting does not change the equation. When I test out that formula and find that it is true, then that becomes my reality. How can anything become real until it is tested in the crucible of doubt? David W. Earle
68
When life beats us down, we often do not feel worthwhile to ourselves nor to anyone else. Often, we try to hide our feelings of inadequacy in pursuit of perfection, which develops into self-loathing. If only we can be perfect, then we can be okay. David W. Earle
69
They sought the pain they knew so well and called it love. David W. Earle
70
Often self-love is replaced with self- loathing, compounded by beating ourselves up. We become experts at putting ourselves down, judging ourselves, and finding fault. This creates deep shame that says “I am a mistake” instead of saying “I made a mistake. David W. Earle
71
This woman’s size protected herfrom the hurts of the worldbut it also imprisoned her soul. As the merry-go-round revolved, she ate another French fry, as a silent scream frozen on her face. David W. Earle
72
A spiritual hell I lived in … hating the God of love and knowing the god I served … hated me! David W. Earle
73
Her screams are heard across generations who dared not scream and died without joy, in silence and isolation. David W. Earle
74
The more judgmental a person is the sadder they are. David W. Earle
75
Consider letting go of the barriers between yourself and others, let go of the definition our culture has inflicted upon us and allow the best part of ourselves to connect with the wondrous parts of others. Allow yourself to connect in a deeper and more profound way. David W. Earle
76
When I learned about the gray existing between the black and white of absolute terms, I began to experience more peace. The more I expanded my gray areas (more than 50 shades), the more peace I experienced in my life. David W. Earle
77
If one looks at a balancing scale putting “fear of change” on one side and “status quo” on the other, they are often in balance. Change is hard. We tend to accept our condition and no matter how painful, we will not change until the balancing scale is tipped - only when the discomfort becomes greater than the fear of change does the scale tip. David W. Earle
78
Late one night, during a toss-and-turn fretful sleep, I pondered my crisis. No solutions were on the horizon. I, again, wasted my psychic energy with prayer. Nothing. No angel on a white cloud. No rainbow’s pot of gold. No way to control the people I loved. As I rolled over and put the pillow over my head attempting to block all that was negative, I silently screamed for rescue. Then, in a far away and distinct part of my brain, a small voice said, “You have to do this on your own.” I thought, “Was that the best You can do?” This god, to whom I was desperately sending burnt offerings of my own humiliation, couldn’t send an avenging angel or a wise man imparting wisdom? All You can give me is this feeble message of abandonment? At that moment, I quit believing in that god. David W. Earle
79
It was His gentle voice who calledand sent His angel pain to guide me, through the long ‘n dusty corridors, and empty hallways of my soul. David W. Earle
80
The truth is, we tend to train people how we want to be treated. If others know you have wishy-washy boundaries then they are free to walk all over you; the results…you become a doormat. We have actually trained others to do this when we will allow people to wipe their muddy feet on us. After all, we are doormats. David W. Earle
81
Acceptance is the most beautiful word in any language; this beautiful concept can only exist when you allow other people to be who they are and do not imprison them with your definition of what is right, proper, correct, or other limiting criteria. Decreasing the black and white in your thinking allows for an expansive area of gray, allowing you to live your life and others to live there life. Acceptance sets us all free! This simple change of thought creates a wonderful space for happiness to thrive. David W. Earle
82
Being able to say, “No, ” is a necessary ingredient in a healthy lifestyle. David W. Earle
83
Everyone needs a place to be honest. David W. Earle
84
Children have empty erasable white boards upon which big people write indelibly imprinted messages into their tender subconscious minds. David W. Earle
85
This imbalance causes resentments within the over-responsible and dependency with the irresponsible person and this dynamic becomes the destructive life-pattern not conducive to happy families. David W. Earle
86
Change is threatening to the status quo. David W. Earle
87
Acceptance” is the most beautiful word in the English language. David W. Earle
88
Why would God create a defective product? Why would a God who gave me free will require any certain belief? Why would a God powerful enough to create the universe need me to justify His existence? Why would He want me seeking favor with Him to manipulate my entrance to some afterlife? David W. Earle
89
Our minds have a great capacity for deception. This does not mean we are necessarily dishonest but if we are not careful, when our brains do not have answers, our minds will create them. David W. Earle
90
Like an empty bucket, my soul rings hollow when empty vibrates with emptiness … hollow sound of loneliness. Every cell in my body does not want to be alone. My loneliness is frightening …an all consuming thought. David W. Earle
91
Only then can I fly. Only then can I be free -when Ilet go of me. David W. Earle
92
This wonderful gray of acceptance resides between the extremes of black and white thinking; looking for serenity, explore the gray. Part of that acceptance is understanding that life is hard and involves life and death. Part of that acceptance is that I am responsible for my actions. David W. Earle
93
Is God like the Greek god, Zeus, sending down lightning bolts to cause catastrophic events? Does God decree when tragic or untimely deaths occur? Does God have a list and when your time is up, you die? Is it “God’s will” these events happen? On the other hand, do tragic events happen because of laws of nature or the law of averages? David W. Earle
94
World’s definition of successmaterial validation of selfcold and naked substitutefor inner warmth and beauty. David W. Earle
95
Twirling round ‘n round -faster and faster …she dreams this circular motionwill take her home, high in the heavens where hurt is onlyan earthly world. David W. Earle
96
Since children from dysfunctional families are so good at judging others, they also judge themselves finding themselves unacceptable when compared to others, always assuming they are second best, not enough. This is a painful realization so often they hide behind righteous arrogance. David W. Earle
97
Codependency is a learned set of behaviors, thought processes, and habits. When combined together, they fit a very loose definition. All people exhibit these traits to some degree, but some of us allow them to dictate our relationships with others and ourselves. David W. Earle
98
Being judgmental is a form of attack keeping others off balance. David W. Earle
99
Boundary violations are deeply experienced. David W. Earle
100
With improved coping skills forged through my midlife crisis, I now listen first and do not control, and I allow these now adult children to come to their own conclusions about what they want for their lives. David W. Earle